"Pretty Fly For A Rabbi"


Veren zol fun dir a blintsa

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly for a rabbi

Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho

Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past
But most of 'em were nudniks and none of 'em would last
But our new guy's real kosher, I think he'll do the trick
I tell ya, he's to dies for - he really knows his shtick

So how's by you? Have you seen this Jew?
Reads the Torah, does his own accounting too
Workin' like a dog at the synagogue
He's there all day, he's there all day
Just say "Vay iz mir!" and he'll kick into gear
He'll bring you lots of cheer and maybe bagels with some shmeer
Just grab your yarmulka and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly (for a rabbi)

He shops at discount stores, not just any will sufice
He has to find a bargain 'cause he won't pay retail price
He never acts meshugga and he's hardly a schlemiel
But if you wanna haggle, oy, he'll make you such a deal!

People used to scoff, now they say "Mazel tov!"
He's such a macher 'cause he worked his tuchis off
Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul
What's not to like? What's not to like?
On high holy days, you know he prays and prays
And he never eats pastrami on white breath with mayonnaise
Put on your yarmulka and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

When he's doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn't miss
He'll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss
They say he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite hhhhhip
The parents pay the moyl and he gets to keep the tip

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey

Meccha leccha hi, meccha meccha cholly ho

He's doin' well, I gotta kvell
The yentas love him, even shicksas think he's swell
Show up at his home, he says "Shalom"
And "Have some cake - you want some cake?"
Yah, he calls the shots, we really love him lots
Oy gevalt, I'm so ferklempt that I could plotz
So grab your yarmulka
The one you got for Chanukah
Let's put on our yarmulkas and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

"Ricky"


[R:] Hey Lucy, I'm home

[L:] Oh Ricky, you're so fine
[L:] You're so fine you blow my mind
[L:] Hey Ricky, hey Ricky

[R:] Oh Lucy, you're so fine
[R:] You're so fine you blow my mind
[R:] Hey Lucy, hey Lucy

[L:] Oh Ricky, you're so fine
[L:] You play your bongos all the time
[L:] Hey Ricky, hey Ricky

[R:] Oh Lucy, you're so fine
[R:] How I love tyo hear you whine
[R:] Hey Lucy

[L:] Hey Ricky
[L:] You always play your conga drums, you think you got the right
[L:] You wake up little Ricky in the middle of the night
[L:] Stop shakin' your maraccas now and just turn out the light Ricky

[R:] I'm sick of Fred and Ethel always comin' over here
[R:] 'Cause Fred eats all our pretzel sticks and then he spills his beer
[R:] Why don't you serve your cassarole and make them disappear Lucy

[L:] Oh Ricky, what's a girl like me supposed to do
[L:] You really drive me wild when you sing your babaloo
[R:] Oh Lucy, you're so dizzy, don't you have a clue
[R:] Well, here's to you Lucy
[R:] I love you too Lucy, too Lucy, let's babaloo Lucy

[L:] Hey Ricky
[L:] You're always playin' at the club, you never let me go
[L:] I'm beggin' and I'm pleadin' but you always tell me no
[L:] Oh, please honey please, let me be in your show Ricky, wah

[R:] You always burn the roast and you drop the dishes too
[R:] You iron my new shirt and you burn a hole right through
[R:] You're such a crazy redhead I just don't know what to do Lucy

[L:] Oh Ricky
[L:] What a pity, don't you understand
[L:] That every day's a rerun and the laughter's always canned
[R:] Oh Lucy
[R:] I'm the latin leader of the band
[R:] So here's to you Lucy
[R:] Let's babaloo Lucy, too Lucy
[R:] Everybody rumba!

[R:] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

"School Cafeteria - Version 1"


Is it on? Okay
1, 2, 1, 2, 5, 6
Let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria
It's got all the others beat
It sells over four million burgers a year
Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat

My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm
But my burrito is much too cold
A school cafeteria is the only place
That sells artificially colored mold

You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production
They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg
I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria
You can get a taco and get Bubonic Plague

Today in the school cafeteria
They introduced a brand new malt
It's called boysenberry dysentery
Please pass the salt

The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill
The enchiladas are enough to kill
Before you eat, you'd better make out your will
In the school cafeteria today

Say, boys and girls, tired of being skinny
Eat a school lunch today
All starch and cholesterol
Absolutely no protein
Remember, fourteen million teenagers can't be wrong

Feel your arteries growing hard
As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard

It's no wonder that the food is so gross
The health department is afraid to come close
So everybody better hold your nose
In the school cafeteria today

So listen very closely, all you girls and guys
Here's a little message to the wise
You'd better not try the chili surprise
In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah
In the school cafeteria today

"She Drives Like Crazy"


Where'd you learn how to steer
You do eighty in second gear
When you drive, I can't relax
Got your license from Cracker Jacks
You just hit another tree
These fender benders are killin' me

She drives like crazy
Like noone else
She drives like crazy
And I'm afraid for myself

They'll put you behind bars
We're not playin' bumper cars
Did a great figure eight
In the middle of the interstate
Tires squeel wherever we go
Even hitchhikers just say no

She drives like crazy
Her car's a mess
She drives like crazy
She's got a death wish I guess

She's a demon
Behind the wheel
Thinks she's drivin'
The Batmobile

Burnin' rubber in school zones
Runnin' over the traffic cones
Passin' "semi-"s on the right
Now my knuckles are turnin' white

She drives like crazy
She'll break your necks (?)
She drives like crazy
She always gets into wrecks

She drives like crazy
Like noone else
She drives like crazy
Now I'm afraid for myself

She drives like crazy
Like noone else
She drives like crazy
And I'm afraid for myself

"She Never Told Me She Was A Mime"


When we first met she seemed perfectly normal
I never dreamed she'd make my life so hard
You see, my baby, she started to change
Started lookin' kinda strange
Wearin' all that white makeup and those black leotards
Well, I guess she kept her little secret pretty well
Now, ever since I learned the horrible truth, you know my life has been a living hell
That's right, you see...

She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime, oh no
Actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the time
She never told me, she never told me whe was a...
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mime

I wish we both could just talk it all over
But my baby won't even make a sound
Now she makes everybody sick
Doin' that pantomime shtick
Even our old friends have stopped coming around
Well, mmy parents can't stand her and our neighbors hate her guts
She's really, really embarrassing me... this silent treatment's driving me nuts
You see...

She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime, oh no
Now she's actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the time... what a crime
She never told me (she never told me) she never told me she was a mime

She walks against the wind everywhere we go
Stops at every corner, gotta put on a show
Carries 'round a picture of Marcel Marceau
Always the wuiet type, but how was I know to know?

She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime, oh no
Actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the ti-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yime
She never told me, she never told me whe was a mime

"Since You've Been Gone"


Since you've been gone
Well, I feel like I've been chewing on tinfoil
Since you've been gone
It's like I got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil
Oh well, I'm feelin like I stuck my hand
Inside a blender and turned it on
You know, I've been in a buttload of pain
Since you've been gone

(Since you've been gone)
I couldn't feel any worse if you dropped
A two-ton bowling ball on my toes
(Since you've been gone)
It couldn't hurt any more if you shoved
A red-hot cactus up my nose

Since you've been gone
Well, it feels like I'm getting tetanus shots every day
Since you've been gone
It's like I've got an ice cream headache that won't go away
Ever since that day you left me
I've been so miserable, my dear
I feel almost as bad as I did
When you were still here

"Slime Creatures From Outer Space"


Things just haven't been the same
Since the flying saucer came
Now the aliens are on the loose

Well, we tried to hold 'em back
Tried to ward off their attack
But our atom bombs were just no use

They were ugly, they were mean
Biggest heads I ever seen
They made everybody scream and shout

First they leveled Tokyo
Then New York was next to go
Boy I really wish they'd cut it out

They wasted everybody on my block
There goes the neighborhood
They'll zap you with their death ray eyes
And blow you up real good

Run for your lives
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
They're not very nice to the human race
(Slime creatures from outer space)

There's more comin' every day
And they just won't go away
Now they're reproducing in the sewers

They got slimy lizard skin
And an evil lookin' grin
And they sure could use some manicures

They got hands all covered with fungus
They got eyes like some kinda bug
I sure hope they don't come in here
I just shampooed the rug

Run for your lives
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)

They're really makin' a mess of this place.
(Slime creatures)
(Slime creatures)

(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)

(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)

They'll rip your head off just for fun
They'll paralyze your mind
They're wearin' out their welcome

I don't think I like their kind
They'll suck your brain out through a straw
You just can't trust those guys

So hide the children, lock the doors
And always watch the skies
Look out, here come the

(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
They're an intergalactic disgrace

(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
I wish they'd just get outta my face
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)

They're makin' a big fat mess of this place
(Slime creatures)
(Slime creatures)

Oh, where did they come from?
What do they want from us?
Who do they think they are?
(Slime creatures, slime creatures)

Why don't they leave me alone?
(Slime creatures, slime creatures.)
They're really getting on my nerves

Smells Like Nirvana


What is this song all about?
Can't figure any lyrics out
How do the words to it go?
I wish you'd tell me, I don't know
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no!
Don't know, don't know, don't know...

Now I'm mumblin' and I'm screamin'
And I don't know what I'm singin'
Crank the volume, ears are bleedin'
I still don't know what I'm singin'
We're so loud and incoherent
Boy, this oughta bug your parents
Yeah!

*belch*

poing!

It's unintelligible
I just can't get it through my skull
It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss
with all these marbles in my mouth
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no!
Don't know, don't know, don't know...

Well, we don't sound like Madonna
Here we are now, we're Nirvana
Sing distinctly? We don't wanna
Buy our album, we're Nirvana
A garage band from Seattle
Well it sure beats raisin' cattle
Yeah!

moo..

baa...

And I forgot the next verse
Oh well, I guess it pays to rehearse
The lyric sheet's so hard to find
What are the words, oh nevermind
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no!
Don't know, don't know, don't know...

Well, I'm yellin' and we're playin'
But I don't know what I'm sayin'
What's the message I'm conveyin'?
Can you tell me what I'm sayin'?
So have you got some idea?
Didn't think so
Well, I'll see ya
Sayonara, sayonawa
Ayonawa, hodinawa
Odinaya, yodinaya
Yaddayadda, yaaahyaaah
Ayiyaaaaaah!

"Snack All Night"


I'm never satisfied with three meals a day
While the world is sleeping I'll be munching away
Gonna sneak into the kitchen, gonna tiptoe down and turn on the light
Right, yeah, if no one's around to see you
It don't matter if you snack all night

A million chicken bones are under my bed
A pile of Twinkie wrappers all 'round my head
Jelly doughnuts to the left of me
Got a bag of chocolate chips on the right
Right, yeah, if you don't mind the calories
It don't matter if you snack all night

"Spam"


Spam in the place where I live (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy)
Spam in my luchbox at work (it's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it at all

If you're running low, go to the store
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the spam

Oh, spam on the table at home (ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now (let's eat)
Spam in my office at work (it's the best)
Think about the stuff its made from, wonder if it's mystery of meat

If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermose to help wash it down
Now, if there's some left, don't just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now

Spam in my pantry at home (have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the lable (oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner, or lunch (it's the best)
Think about how it's been precooked, wonder if I'll just eat it cold

Now, once you start in, you can't put it down
Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the spam in

Oh, spam (spam)
Ham and pork
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy)
Spam (spam)
It's the best
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it

Spam in the place where I live (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie now (let's eat)
Spam in the place where I work (you're obsessed)
Think about the way it's processed, wonder if it's some kind of meat

Spam in the back of my car (ham and pork)
Spam any place that you are (ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
The can is there to hold in the spam (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)