"Kielbasa"

[spoken]
[KG:] Dude, we gotta fuckin' write something new. C'mon.
[strums]
[JB:] I don't like that. So far ba--, off to a bad start.
[strums again]
[JB:] Better, closer, warmer.
[strums again]
[JB:] That's it. Okay.

[sung]
I love ya baby but all I can think about is
Kielbasa sausage, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now get it on!

I see you walkin', but all I can think about is
Dianetics, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now I've been set loose-ah,
I'm shooting my juice-ah,
Right in your caboose.
Now fuckin' get it on!
Now get it on.
Get it on!

Dianetics cure ya much better than Krishna,
Dianetics cure ya much better indeed,
And all you people here you're tremendous,
(Except the people in the middle),
And you're smokin' up a big-ass bowl of weed
With me, me and KG.
All right!
Oh yeah,
All right! Oh my God!
All the ladies in the house say yeah (yeah),
C'mon, you muthafucka say a prayer (prayer),
When ya fight, ya gotsta fight fair,
You muthafucka, ho, you muthafucka,
You know what time it is?
Tenacious D time, you muthafucka, go!
Fuck yeah!
Yeah, yeah!

[spoken]
Dude, that was TNT.

"Tribute"

[Spoken]
This is the greatest and best song in the world... Tribute.

Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here,
we was hitchhikin' down a long and lonesome road.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... in the middle... of the road.
And he said:
[Sung]
"Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your soul." (soul)
[Spoken]
Well me and Kyle, we looked at each other,
and we each said... "Okay."
[Sung]
And we played the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World, it was The Best Song in the World.

Look into my eyes and it's easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
And the grass doth grow...

Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his Whoopy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: "(snort) Be you angels?"
And we said, "Nay. We are but men."
Rock!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was the best muthafuckin' song the greatest song in the world.
[2-part skat]
[Spoken]
And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the song we sang on that fateful night it didn't actually sound
anything like this song.
[Sung]
This is just a tribute! You gotta believe it!
And I wish you were there! Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, fuck! Good God, God lovin',
So surprised to find you can't stop it.
[Skat]
All right! All right!

Wonderboy

High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds,
There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly.
Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck.
Yeah, yeah.
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?

[spoken]
Now it's time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman,
archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy, with powers comparable to Wonderboy.
What powers you ask? I dunno how 'bout the power of flight?
That do anything for ya? That's levitation, holmes.
How 'bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away...
with mind bullets! That's telekinesis, Kyle.
How 'bout the power to move you?

[sung]
History of Wonderboy and Young Nastyman,
Riggah-goo-goo, riggah-goo-goo.
A secret to be told, a gold chest to be bold,
And blasting forth with three-part harmony, yeow!
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?

[spoken]
Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces;
they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen,
and they called themselves Tenacious D. That's right,
[sung]
Me! And KG!
[KG (spoken):] That's me.
[sung]
We're now Tenacious D!
Come fly with me, fly!

Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man,
Oh!
[spoken]
Take my hand!
Young Nastyman, and we'll fly!
Bring out your broadsword.
There's the hydra.
Slice his throat!
And grab his scroat.
You take the high road,
I'll take the low.
There, the crevasse,
Fill it with your mighty juice.

"Fuck Her Gently"

This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
Im not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Hard

"Explosivo"


Climb upon my faithful steed,
Then we gonna ride,
gonna smoke some weed.
Climb upon my big-ass steed,
And ride, ride, ride.

Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What's the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don't know what it's about,
But it's good to go.
What's the name of my girlfriend
I don't know,
But she's built like the shit
And she's good to go, go,
She's good to go,
She's good to go.

We are fuelled by Satan,
Yes we're schooled by Satan.
Fuelled by Satan!
Writin' those tasty riffs
just as fast as we can.
Schooled by Satan!

We were the inventors
of the cosmic astral code.
We've come to blow you away,
We've come to blow your nose.
We've come to fuckin' blow,
We've come to blow the show.
We've come to fuckin' blow,
You know it, you know it!

Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What's the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don't know what it's about
But it's good to riddle-ah!

[spoken]
I am not one of you. I come from an ancient time.
I am known as The Kicker of Elves. I am also known as The Angel Crusher!

Explosivo.

"Dio"

Dio has rocked for a long, long time,
Now it's time for him to pass the torch.
He has songs of wildebeests and angels,
He has soared on the wings of a demon.

It's time to pass the torch,
You're too old to rock, no more rockin' for you.
We're takin' you to a home,
But we will sing a song about you.

And we will make sure that you're very well taken care of.
You'll tell us secrets that you've learned. Raow!
Your sauce will mix with ours,
And we'll make a good goulash baby.
Dio, time to go!
You must give your cape and scepter to me.
And a smaller one for KG.
Go! Go! Dio! Dio!

"Kyle Quit The Band"

Last week, Kyle quit the band,
Now we're back together, uh.
Misunderstanding, didn't understand.
It doesn't matter, now we're back together again.
A-la la la la la.
Couldn't split up Kato and Nash. (that's true)
Couldn't split up Tango and Cash.
That's also true!
This is our song of exultant joy because
We only came to kick some ass.
Rock the fuckin' house and kick some ass.
What we gonna do with all the cash?
Smoke hash, and then we thrash.
We'll throw a big ol' bash y'all.
And everyone is invited to the bash.
And everyone you're all invited to the bash!
C'mon Kyle, one time c'mon!
[skat]

"The Road"

The road is fuckin' hard,
The road is fuckin' tough-ah,
There's no question that-eh
It is rough, rough stuff.
It's the fuckin' road my friend
But it's the only road I know.
When I'm lunchin' on a tasty boosh
Right after the show.
You g-go go go!

The road is fuckin' hard,
It's also really fuckin' tough,
There's no question that
It don't take no guff.
The road is a be-a-itch my friend
But it's the only fuckin' road I know,
When I'm snackin' on a tasty boosh
Right after the show.
You g-go go go!

I met a tasty baby in Michigan.
We screwed two times then I left.
Sometimes I think of my baby in Michigan.
Why can't I stay in one place
For more than two days.
Why?!
Because I'm talkin' about the road. [5X]
Road!

"Lee"

Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee,
Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee,
We're talkin' fuckin' Lee.
I had a friend named Lee,
He cast a spell a spell on me.
If me and Lee and KG could be three,
Flyin' free Tenaciously,
Skinny-dippin' in a sea of Lee,
I'd propose on bended knee
To Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee,
Lee Lee,
Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee,
Lee Lee,
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee Lee,
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee,
If me, and Lee, and KG, (that's me)
Could be three, (could be three)
Plant a tree, (plant a tree)
Just for Lee, (just for Lee)
Just for Lee, (Lee)
Just for Lee!
Lee, Lee, Lee: ["Psycho" Knife Song style, 16X]
Leeee, Leeee, Leeee:
LEE!

"Friendship"

Friendship is rare,
Do you know what I'm sayin' to you?
Friendship is rare.
My derriere,
When you find out much later
That they don't really care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?

Oh shit there's a bear,
Could you hand me that shotgun buddy,
Also that chair?
We're fighting a bear
Now your life's in grave danger
And you don't even care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me,
Say a prayer for me,
'Cause it's rare to be
In Tenacious D.

Friends will be friends
They're running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!

Friends will be friends
They're running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Long as there's a record deal we'll always be friends, yeah