Welcome to Australia... :: Burek vicoteka & tekstoteka

Tekst je sa sajta Australske turisticke agencije.. Neda mi se da prevodim.. ali je genijalno! Smile

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website
and the answers are the actual responses by the
website officials, who obviously have a sense of
humour

______________________________ ____________________

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have
never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (
UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just
sit around watching them die.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (
USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I
follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots
of water.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia
? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane ,
Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

______________________________ ____________________

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo
racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent
south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the
Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every
Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us
when you get here and we'll send the rest of the
directions.

______________________________ ___________________

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country
bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays
every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after
the hippo races. Come naked.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

____________________________ ______________________

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk
available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan
hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia
who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where
YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can
be safely handled and make good pets.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in
Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of
bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called
because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the
brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with
human urine before you go out walking.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: I have developed a new product that is the
fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell
it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans
gather.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where
the female population is smaller than the male
popula tion? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (
France )

A: Only at Christmas.

______________________________ ____________________

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to
contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in
Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the
hour..

______________________________ ____________________

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I
go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first