2.60     The reason ghosts and poltergeists live on the other side, is because Jack Bauer lives on this side.
#1489    2.60    Jack Bauer hates everyone that uses Chuck Norris jokes and changes the name to Jack Bauer. Think of some new jokes god damnit
#80    2.59    A "Bauer movement" is when you shit your pants after Jack Bauer shows up at your door.
#682    2.59    Jack Bauer caught all the Pokemon.
#170    2.58    Jack Bauer knows where Atlantis is because he sunk it
#503    2.58    After torturing the silly rabbit, Jack Bauer has successfully become the first adult the have ate Trix.
#144    2.58    Jack Bauer stays up all night. Now vampires don't come out at all.
#505    2.57    Jack Bauer was born 4 months premateur. He tortured the womb into giving him access to the outside.
#821    2.57    The Grim Reaper saw Jack Bauer in a dark ally and ran for his life.
#420    2.56    Jack Bauer once performed an entire season of "PrisonBreak" in 1 hour.
#664    2.56    Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego, but only because of the blood trail left by Jack torturing her.
#159    2.56    Jack Bauer has had sex with every woman in the world, including Chuck Norris.
#1444    2.55    The only reason Jack Bauer doesn't run CTU anymore is that he can't kill as many terrorist sitting at a desk.
#142    2.55    Lemmings think Jack Bauer's behind them
#145    2.55    The dodo bird once pissed off Jack Bauer...
#936    2.55    Jack Bauer doesn't have erections, because NOTHING is hard for Jack Bauer.
#437    2.55    Time waits for no man, unless that man is Chuck Norris. Death waits for everyone, unless Jack Bauer happens to show up at his door. Then Death crawls under his bed and starts to cry.
#79    2.54    The only correct answer to the question, "Who's your daddy?" is "Jack Bauer". No matter who you are.
#747    2.54    Jack Bauer taught Batman everything he knows. He even killed Bruce Wayne's parents so that Bruce would grow up to become Batman... Jack Bauer will do anything for the greater good...
#764    2.54    If he were alive in 1941, Germany would now be called The United States of Jack Bauer.
#729    2.54    Jack Bauer once had a drinking contest with Chuck Norris. After finishing one bottle of whisky each, Chuck fell to the floor unconsciousness. Jack drank another two bottles, killed Chuck with his bare hands for being such a pussy, hijacked a cab and drove to Tony Almeidas bachelor party for some serious drinking.
#590    2.53    Jack Bauer has bowled a perfect game twice. Once with a live grenade and once with a banana. Needless to say Jack Bauer has only ever bowled two times
#412    2.53    JJ Redick challenged Jack Bauer to horse. Redick hit a three from almost half. Jack Bauer got the ball, and then shot Redick in the knee cap
#455    2.53    FOX executives told Jack Bauer there couldn't be any more tortures on the next season of 24. They will be guest starring as the terrorists being tortured by Jack Bauer on the next season of 24.

It takes Jack Bauer 13 minutes to watch 60 minutes
#1492    2.53    It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent. Hell, he doesn't even need the bullet.
#140    2.53    Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start is a result of Jack Bauer torturing Contra for information.
#734    2.53    The entire story of Little Red Riding Hood is based on the life of Jack Bauer. Except they left out the parts about him beating the Wolf to death assuming his identity, infiltrating the kidnapping wolf cartel, assassinating the head wolf, instantly rising to kingpin, and systematically dismantling the ring from within. Of course, they added the part about the girl and her grandmother.
#840    2.53    Its ironic that the only man who actually can kill Jack Bauer is Kiefer Sutherland.
#816    2.53    Jack Bauer's father grounded him once as a child. His father never again made that mistake.
#66    2.52    On his days off from CTU Jack Bauer helps old ladies cross the road. He does this by staring at oncoming cars. On the freeway.
#572    2.52    Jack Bauer's elementary school teacher once told Jack to talk using his 6-inch voice. Sorry bitch, nothing about Jack is less than 9 inches.
#531    2.52    Jack Bauer once punched himself in the face. He felt a little dizzy. Now you know what happens when an unstoppable force hits an immovable object.
#1406    2.51    Every dog has his day... unless he pees on Jack Bauer's floor.
#591    2.51    President Bush recently announced that in 2002, an al Qaeda plot to hijack a plane and fly it into Los Angeles?s tallest building was foiled. Why? What city does Jack Bauer live in?
#794    2.51    Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
#529    2.51    If Jack Bauer were President we'd all shut up and do what he says.
#573    2.50    Someone once told Jack Bauer that "gullible" was written on the ceiling. Jack then wrote the man's name in blood on the floor.
#909    2.50    Once, a teacher crossed Jack Bauer. Jack bided his time, and then fired one shot. We know this now as the Challenger Disasater.
#921    2.50    The Middle Eastern terrorists you see kneeling on prayer mats are begging Allah to save them from Jack Bauer.
#705    2.50    When Jack Bauer was born the doctor tried to slap his ass, but Jack caught his hand and broke his arm in 24 places.
#1061    2.50    Jack Bauer once ate a baby...and liked it.
#500    2.49    Neo stopped Jack Bauers bullets, Jack then kicked his ass back to realty... then he fucked Trinity.
#674    2.49    When Jack Bauer microwaves a burrito, it isn't cold in the middle.
#473    2.49    You dont tell Jack Bauer what to do. You ask nicely and hope you don't die.
#570    2.48    The original script to the Matrix was 1 page long. Neo learns the fighting art "Jack Bauer" and kills Agent Smith in 6 seconds.
#1407    2.47    Jack Bauer wastes no time, only bad guys
#560    2.47    Jack Bauer's Sperm is so badass that he had sex with Cloie, and six months later she prematurely gave birth to a 34 year old genius computer analyst....you know now him as Edgar

2.47     When Jack Bauer was being born, he delivered himself via C-section.
#472    2.47    Children now say "Jack Bauer, I killed your wife!" into a mirror as a test of courage rather than that shitty Bloody Mary legend or whatever. Jack kills them every time.
#854    2.47    Jack Bauer dressed as himself for halloween when he was young
#153    2.47    Scientists recently uncovered the real reason dinosaurs are extinct: Jack Bauer received an anonymous tip that dinosaurs are terrorists.
#856    2.46    Jack Bauer has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
#1405    2.46    An apple a day keep the doctor away. Nothing works similarly with Jack Bauer.
#507    2.46    February is so short because Jack Bauer killed the last few days to hide his trail.
#1419    2.45    Jack Bauer means "I am going to fuckin kill you with my bare hands" in Gaelic.
#803    2.45    Every time Jack Bauer kills a terrorist, an angel gets its wings
#1416    2.45    When Jack Bauer wants to relax he goes to CTU and interrogates Audrey Raines.
#691    2.45    When something is scary, we say, "scary as hell." When the devil is scared, he says, "scary as Jack Bauer."
#631    2.45    Jack Bauer doesnt go hunting he goes killing because hunting implies the possibility of failure.
#74    2.45    God rested on the 7th day. Jack Bauer will be spending his 7th day working his usual triple shift without sleep. Lazy ass God.
#656    2.45    One time at band camp, Jack Bauer killed a guy with a flute
#146    2.45    Bullets don't kill Jack Bauer, they're afraid to.
#884    2.45    You can't disable GOD MODE in the PC game version of 24.
#557    2.45    When Jack Bauer does the Hokey Pokey he sticks his right arm in and shoots the rest of the circle.
#427    2.45    Kim once took a crowbar to a man's head, lit a piece of fabric on fire which resulted in the crashing of a police car, shot a guy's window out with a gun because he told her she didn't know how to use it, and pulled a knife on a guy for trying to keep her in a bomb shelter...Jack found out and treated her to some ice cream.
#659    2.44    Ashton Kutcher got punk'd by Jack Bauer
#123    2.44    Chuck Norris drives a Dodge Ram. Jack Bauer drives whatever the hell he wants.
#1401    2.44    Jack Bauer CAN teach an old dog new tricks.
#789    2.44    Jack Bauer beat Tetris with one square and an "L".
#1495    2.44    When Jack Bauer falls in water, Jack Bauer doesn't get wet, the water gets Jack Bauer
#759    2.44    If it doesn't kill you, Jack Bauer will.

2.43     Kim Bauer's breasts get their genetic perfection from their exact duplicates -- Jack Bauer's testicles.
#620    2.43    Jesus is the son of God, God is the son of Jack Bauer.
#113    2.43    Jack Bauer uses a live rattlesnake as a condom.
#523    2.43    Jack Bauer's 3 favorite things are: David Palmer, killing terrorists, and banging hot chicks. In that order.
#324    2.43    When Jack Bauer is done with a phone call he does not say "goodbye", he hangs up and yells to it "WHO DID YOU TELL!!" and destroys the phone.
#422    2.42    Jack Bauer once went on a fishing trip to the mountains with Chuck Norris. When Chuck started to act sexually towards Jack, Jack was forced to break Chuck's back. They've called the mountain "Brokeback" ever since.
#732    2.42    Jack Bauer lost his virginity before his dad
#135    2.42    Jack Bauer only uses a gun to kill terrorist as a courtesy to those who would have to clean up the mess associated with him using his hands.
#178    2.41    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Jack Bauer makes Chuck Norris cry so that his tears will cure cancer. No one else can make Chuck Norris cry.
#693    2.41    Jack Bauer was once thirsty, so the drove his Chevy to a levee and took a big drink ..... The next guy that came along was so upset, he wrote a song.
#824    2.41    Jack Bauer doesn't gamble. That is why the house always wins.
#497    2.40    There are two kinds of people in this world: Jack Bauer and everyone else.
#83    2.40    If someone tells you that you "Don't Know Jack", you're better off believing them... because if you really did know Jack, he'd probably kill you.
#654    2.39    Jack Bauer can split atoms with his bare hands.
#512    2.38    Chuck Norris uses the 'Total Gym' to exercise. Jack Bauer uses the 'Total Gym' to torture terrorists.
#777    2.38    reading too many of these fact will cause jack bauer to burst through the door and shoot out your knees cause you know too much
#404    2.38    Jack Bauer's favorite drink is Kerosene, because he knows that alcohol is for pussies.
#1496    2.37    Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Keep up the good work men.
#104    2.37    The dinosaurs rolled out 65 million years ago cause they heard Jack Bauer was coming.
#392    2.37    Jack Bauer will never die because the Grim Reaper is afraid of him.
#692    2.37    Jack Bauer doesnt go hunting...he goes killing
#91    2.37    Jack Bauer is 1/16 Cherokee, not because of his ancestors but because he fuckin ate Chuck Norris, who ate an indian
#138    2.37    Jack Bauer once bit a zombie. It turned into Tony Almeida
#93    2.36    When the boogey man gets scared its cause he thinks Jack Bauer is hiding in his closet

2.36     Chuck Norris never blinks because he's watching out for Jack Bauer. (Submitted by Jonnykane)
#690    2.36    Jack Bauer doesn't cry he sweats from his eyes!
#696    2.36    Jack found out JFK had terrorist ties...
#644    2.36    Jack Bauer is not scared of death, death is scared of Jack Bauer.
#842    2.35    Jack Bauer fought the law, and Jack Bauer won. It was the only loss the law has ever suffered.
#808    2.35    Jack Bauer cannot only withstand pain, he can withstand death.
#1498    2.35    When Jack Bauer masturbates, all the women within a 12 mile radius instantly have screaming orgasms.
#176    2.35    Ray Charles only came away with blindness after Jack Bauer shot him in the face, nobody tells Jack to "Hit The Road Jack."
#669    2.34    Chuck Norris fans wear shirts. Jack Bauer fans use guns.
#540    2.34    When Jack Bauer was in the military, he visited Wisteria Lane when he was on leave and slept with all of the housewives there. Jack Bauer is the reason they're all now so desperate.
#1418    2.34    Jack Bauer's three rules of interrogation: 1. Grab throat and scream in face 2. Throw anything between you and the terrorist out of the way 3. Point your gun at them and tell them when you will kill them
#405    2.34    Jack doesn't work for CTU anymore, he works for GOD. He is therefore considered self-employed.
#727    2.33    Due to an ancient curse, Jack Bauer is unable to kill during the month of November. Upon learning this, Jack Bauer proceeded to kill the month of November
#847    2.33    Jack Bauer was what willis was talkin' about.
#125    2.33    Jack Bauer is not hung like a horse, a horse is hung like Jack Bauer.
#481    2.33    Jack Bauer caused the Armenian Genocide of 1915. He admitted to this when asked what he would do for a Klondike Bar.
#1490    2.33    Jack Bauer walked down the street with an erection today, there were no survivors.
#618    2.33    Jack Bauer can eat five times his body weight in terrorists.
#792    2.32    Jack Bauer doesn't run, the rest of the world slows down
#643    2.32    Count to ten, thats how long it took Jack Bauer to wake up, eat, brush his teeth and show chuck norris how to bring a man within an inch of his life and get the names and locations of every terrorist in America.
#181    2.32    Jack Bauer lost a game of Baccarat to James Bond. Jack tortured Bond until he pissed his pants and gave Jack?s money back. For good measure, Jack pissed in his dry martini, keyed his car, stole his woman and nuked London. Fuck Baccarat.
#723    2.32    Dr. Phil goes to Jack Bauer for advice.
#371    2.31    Jack Bauer is the super secret ending boss of every video game ever created. When you unlock the fight against him, he explodes out of the screen and cuts out your eyes. All counter-measures are ineffective.
#535    2.31    Jack Bauer was put in a room with Osama, Sadam, and Michael Bolton. He was given a gun, a knife, brass knuckles, and a blow torch. Bolton was strangled to death.





Ima joj....puno.....puno.....fazona. Ali me mrzi da postujem!!! 

Samo jos jedanput!!! 








2.31     Jack Bauer never liked dinosaurs.
#761    2.30    God creates more terrorists at Jack's request.
#506    2.30    Jack Bauer has been able to cheat death so many times because he's had Death's hotel room bugged for years and keeps track of him on his GPS watch.
#746    2.30    Last night, I saw Jack Bauer go into a bar, and 3 minutes later Rambo, Chuck Norris and the guy from Commando came limping out crying like little girls...
#1456    2.30    God made everyone in his image. Jack Bauer made God in his.
#685    2.30    Jack is so fast he can hit the switch and be in bed before the room gets dark
#743    2.30    Jack Bauer is never fully shaved because he needs a 6 blade razor.
#502    2.29    When Jack Bauer wants to persuade somebody he just say "You've read my file, you know what i'm capable of"
#516    2.29    Jack Bauer doesnt ever have to eat throughout the day because he feeds off the souls of dead terroritsts
#670    2.29    Jack Bauer hates jazz. The result? Hurricane Katrina.
#724    2.29    Little kids who dress up like Jack Bauer for Halloween explode immediately because they can't bear the weight of his awesomeness. Jack Bauer is played by no man. Or child. No exceptions.
#748    2.29    Jack Bauer once ate some bad food and took the hugest shit in human existence. That shit is Chuck Norris.
#1493    2.29    Jack Bauer was once mistaken for God...It wasn't a mistake.
#621    2.29    Jack Bauer beat Tiger Woods in a game of golf. He only used the butt of his gun for a club and for his ball he used a chunk of Nina Meyer's skull.
#410    2.28    Still undercover, Jack Bauer once drove a known terrorist to a dimly lit parking garage and began unpacking all his torture tools from the back of the vehicle. The terrorist asked Jack, "Whatchu gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?" Blowing his cover, Jack replied, "Imma get, get, get, get you drunk...then force you to tell me where the goddamn bomb is or I'll slit your throat."
#447    2.28    Chuck Norris has wet dreams about Jack Bauer
#1428    2.28    Jack Bauer was a one man alliance in "survivor"......and still won.
#121    2.28    Jack Bauer is to cowardice as Chloe is to personality.
#69    2.27    If Fox ever made a "24" movie, Jack Bauer would take down the entire Russian mafia, liberate Cuba, and kill Osama Bin Laden in his spare time. That would be BEFORE the intermission.
#709    2.27    Jack Bauer once tortured a leprechaun until he told him where the end of the rainbow was. He then shattered the rainbow, using the skittles that popped out as ammunition.
#1403    2.27    A blonde, a brunette, and Jack Bauer walk into a bar. Only Jack walks out.
#417    2.27    Jack Bauer would be able to make it to Hollywood regardless of what Simon Cowell says.
#103    2.27    Jack Bauer killed Latin.
#622    2.27    jack bauer killed freddy krueger in his dream

E jbg sad moze pod lock jer mnogi vicevi su na Chal Noris fazon, lupaj shta ti padne na pamet. Ja sam sa iste stranice postavio i usput preveo ali sam birao da imaju veze sa serijom tj. da imaju smisla.

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