Make a pretty woman look down each time

I got the baddest boots on the boulevard
Yeah the baddest boots on the boulevard

They were made by a little man
Down in El Paso
I was passin' though town
Singin' at the rodeo

He said 'they cost a little more
But for what it's worth
There ain't another pair like 'em
on god's green earth'
Then I handed him my money
And he sized me up

[Chorus]

I got the baddest boots on the boulevard
Yeah, the Baddest boots on the boulevard
When I pull 'em on I start singin' a song
Make me wanna tuck my britches leg's inside 'em

Lets take a stroll

[Chorus]

They're the baddest boots on the boulevard

Look here girl
Yeah, they're bad alright

"The Critic"

Tell it like it is...

He gets up real early on his mornin drive.
Down to the office for his 9 to 5.
He drives a 94, 2 ton, economy car.
Loves to tell the local bands down at the bar that he's The Critic.

Yea, I can hook you up, I know everybody, in the business.

He flunked junior high band he couldn't march in time.
He tried to write a song once, he couldn't make it rhyme.
He went two or three chords on a pawn shop guitar, he just never quite had what it took to be a star, so he's a critic.

I work for the Gazette man...I got a real job.

He did a 5-star column on a band he never heard.
He did a bluegrass review about an unkind word.

He thought it was time to ask his boss for a raise, his boss said I can't even tell if anybody's even readin your page.

Yea...

So he thought...and he thought a little more.

He caught a young hot star headin into town, and then he hid behind his typewriter and gunned the boy down.
Here come the letters, the e-mails, the faxes, they raised him to 20,000 dollars after taxes.

He's a happy critic...

He's rollin in the dough...

Man I could do this forever...this is easy. Everybody's readin my column!

Please don't tell my mom, that I write the music column for the Gazette.
She still thinks I play piano down at the Cathouse.

Let's get funky with this now boys...Play it on out.

Come on Shannon.

There's ole Biff jumpin in.

?? is layin it down.

Come on Shannon.

Aww yea, my man Steve.

Man my fingers are gettin tired...y'all gonna have to hurry. This snappin thing...wearin me out.

Hello Shannon.

Guess he's on coffee break man.

They're gonna love you...cause they already love me.

(Yea!)

It's the Critic.

"The Taliban Song"

"I'm just a middle-aged, middle-eastern camel herdin' man
I got a little, 2 bedroom cave here in North Afghanistan
Things used to be real nice and they got out of hand when they moved in
They call themselves the Taliban
(ooooo yeah the taliban) (taliban baby)

Now I ain't seen my wife's face since they came here
They make her wear a scarf over her head that covers her from ear to ear
She loves the desert and the hot white sand
But man she's just like me, nah she can't stand
The Taliban (ooo taliban baby)

You know someday soon we're both gonna saddle up and it'll be
Ride Camel Ride
My old lady she'll be here with me, smilin right by my side
We should do just fine out around Palestine or maybe Turkmenistan
We'll bid a fair adieu and flip the finger to the Taliban

(oh yeah the taliban) (baby)

I know where you comin from brother!
This is a patriotic love song
So y'all feel free to salute if you want,
You got my permission.

Now they attacked New York City cause they thought they could win
Said they would, stand and fight until the very bloody end
Mr Bush got on the phone with Iraq and Iran and said "Now, you
sons-of-bitches you better not be doin any business with the taliban"
(Taliban baby)

So we prayed to Allah with all of our might
Until those big U.S. jets came flyin one night
They dropped little bombs all over their holy land
And man you should have seen em run like rabbits, they ran
(the taliban)

You know someday soon we're both gonna saddle up and it'll be
Ride Camel Ride
My old lady she'll be here with me, smilin right by my side
We should do real fine out around Palestine or maybe Turkmenistan
We'll bid a fair adieu and flip a couple fingers to the Taliban
(oh yeah, taliban)
we'll bid a fair adieu and flip a big boner to The Taliban (baby)"

"Weed With Willie"

I always heard that his herb was top shelf
Lord I just could not wait to find out for myself.
Well don't knock it till you've tried it.
And I've tried it my friend.
I'll never smoke Weed with willie again!

Now we learned a hard lesson in a small Texas town
He fired up a fat boy and he passed it around
The last words I spoke before they tucked me in
I may discount Bungee jump but,
I'll never smoke weed with Willie again.

[Chorus:]
I'll never smoke weed with Willie again
My party's all over before it begins
You can pour me some Old Whiskey River my friend.

But I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

We hopped on his old bus the Honeysuckel Rose
The party was Huntsville, it was after the show
Alone in the front lounge, just me and him
I took one friendly puff and the grim creeper set in

[Chorus]

Now we're passin' the guitar, we're tellin' good jokes
I can tell one's a comin' 'cause I'm smellin' smoke
No I do not partake I just let it pass by
With a grin on my face and a great contact high

[Chorus]

In the fetal position with drool on my chin
We broke down and smoked weed with Willie again

"Honkytonk U"

My grandmother owned a nightclub on the arkansas-okahoma line
momma put me on a greyhound, and i went
to stay with her in the summertime
i'd box up those empty longnecks and stack'em in the back and make
a hand
then at night she'd let me sneak out of the kitchen and sit in with the band
yes, i have sacked some quarterbacks and broke my share of bones along the way
i knew it wouldnt
last forever, semi-pro always means semi-paid
i started climbin' drillin' rig, im oil field trash and
proud as i can be
then i took my songs and guitar and sang'em to a man from tennesse

i've played every beer joint tavern from new york city out to pasadena
every corn dog fair and rodeo
and sold out every basketball arena
i like to get down with my boys in afghanistan and baghdad city
too

as long as there's a bar room with a corner stage and a honkytonk crowd

ive played every beer joint tavern from new york city out to pasadena
every corn dog fair and rodeo
and sold out ever basketball arena
i like to get down with my boys in afghanistan and baghdad city
too
son im a red, white, and blue blood graduate of honkytonk U
that's right a red, white, and blue
blood graduate of honkytonk U