4. How Will I Laugh Tomorrow

Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down
I cry for help but no one's around
Silently screaming I bang my head against the wall
It seems like no one cares at all
Always an emotion, but how can I explain
How can I explain
Kind of like the scent of a rose
With words I can't explain
The same with my pain
Caught up in emotion-Goes over my head
Goes over my head
Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death
Am I living or am I dead
The clock keeps ticking but nothing else seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And when I think about all the times that I've had
So few good-So many bad
I search for personality and I look for things I can not see

Love and peace flash through my mind
Pain and hate are all I find
Find no hope in nothing new
Never had a dream come true
Lies and hate and agony
Through my eyes that's all I see
If I'm gonna cry
Will you wipe away my tears?
If I'm gonna die
Lord please take away my fear
Before I drown in sorrow
Last thing that I'll say
How will I laugh tomorrow
If I can't even smile today
Today today--when I can't even smile today
Today today--when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tomorrow--when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tomorrow--when I can't even smile today

5. The Miracle

I sailed forever, I sailed so far, and now I know
just what the consequences are
I laughed out loud, while I cried inside
But I didn't have the strength to say enough of this ride
Like a fool-I believed in a miracle
I wanted to forget, of what I'm not sure
But I found an answer-it seemed to be a perfect cure

Controlled my actions, controlled my thoughts
Controlled my feelings, and now I feel my body rot-like a fool

I believed in the miracle

Twisting and I'm turning-freezing then I'm burning
Laughing then I'm crying-am I living or am I dying
Swearing then I'm praying-don't even know what I'm saying
Happy then so sad-forgiving then so mad

Do you still, do you still believe, do you still believe in,
Do you still believe in miracles?

Pushing then pulling-who am I fooling
A friend then a foe-do I really even know?
Love and then hate
Peace then at war-but what am I fighting for
And you always try to
Keep me-oh so sleepy
So I can't realize-that it's all lies
And the more it takes hold of me-the less chance that I'll ever be free
And even though I don't believe-it's so hard to leave-a miracle-a miracle

Waiting-always hesitating-for that perfect day-that day was yesterday
And the more you're gonna wait-the more of a chance that it will be too late

How can you afford to wait, you just can't afford to wait
I shed a tear I won't deny it, but just one tear I already cried it
And now you'll see me cry no more, don't even know what I was crying for

8. If I Don't Wake Up

Why do I wake up in the morning-nothing's changed since the day of my birth
Why do I wake up in the morning-I make no difference on this earth

Strength has left-has to be-something has died inside of me

If I don't wake up in the morning-at my funeral would anyone care
If I don't wake up in the morning-would anyone even be there

You can put me down-you can put me out, you can try to ignore
But now you're gonna hear me when I shout WAKE UP

Why should I wake up in the morning-it be just another wasted day
Why should I wake up in the morning-don't do nothing right anyway

That was then-not anymore-now I go blasting out the door

I'm gonna wake up in the morning-I'll prove you wrong I will not fail
I'm gonna wake up in the morning-I'm gonna blaze a brand new trail

Might not be smart, but if I'm strong
I know for sure no one ever will prove me wrong

9. Sorry ?!

Seems like such a long time ago, but I don't know if I'm ever gonna let
her go. I remember the first time that I met her, I knew she was the
one. There couldn't be anybody better.
Well, I was lost when I looked in her eyes
Well those eyes, those eyes, they made me realize...
Sorry...I didn't know what was to be
Sorry...I could not see
Sorry...Lord how could this be
Sorry...It's raining down on me
Well, I know it sounds crazy to say. But, in everything I do, I think
about that day. Last time I talked to her was on the telephone. She
said I know it's been a while, but I don't feel like being alone. I
slammed down the phone on the last thing I'd hear her say. Now it's
getting harder to live with it every day and I pray, I pray that you
can hear me say
Sorry...I could not see
Sorry...It don't seem fair to me
Sorry...Lord, how could this be
Sorry...It's raining right down on me
Not a day goes by when I do not sit and wonder why this had to be. It
don't seem fair to me. No no, it don't seem fair to me. The more I wish
and pray, the more it seems I waste away. But it would mean oh so much
if I could just reach out and our hands would touch and if I'd just
go back again and do it all over it'd have a happy end.
I know exactly the way I would start. I'd send her a letter straight from
my heart. It doesn't seem fair, why can't I forgive. She was so strung out,
she didn't even have a chance to live and it's oh so hard to forgive.
Sometimes people think I don't know what to say because I'm looking
out in space, but inside I'm praying and I pray, I pray, I pray, pray,
pray and then I think about the day she died. About that night and
in the morning. I cry cry cry and I try, I try to understand
Sorry...I didn't know what was to be
Sorry...It don't seem fair to me
Sorry...Lord I'll always be
Sorry...She died but it's killing me
Wondering about that time when it'll be my day
And I wonder what I'll do and what she'll say and if I'll have the
courage to stay
And I'll start by looking her straight
in the eye and telling her that I'm Sorry

10. One Too Many Times

Never good at talking, so many things I couldn't say
But those thoughts never went away
And I'm sure you remember, said that all I wanted was sympathy,
Now add this to your memory

Too many times-I felt so sad and lonely
Too many times-I needed someone there
Too many times-I tried to tell you something
Too many times-It seemed like no one cared

And I don't like asking-and it's not easy to say...
I never learned how to pray
So if you have a moment it means so much to me oh can't you see...
If you'd just say a prayer for me

Too many times-I didn't even have a second
Too many times-you thought I was much too strong
Too many times-you said the feeling wouldn't last forever
Too many times-I proved you so damn wrong

Saw the changes-thought they'd go away-do you still remember that day
Can't really fault you-only have myself to blame...
But do you still feel the same

Do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya?
But I waited so long-for someone to take my hand, and say they understand

And I waited so long-for someone to show the way-to make a better day
and I waited so long-for someone to spare a kiss for the love I miss
And I waited so long-for you to look me in the eye
And say it's worth another try
But yo keep me waiting-waiting-too many times

You keep me waiting, one too many, one too many, one too many times,
Too many times
One too many one too many one too many times too many times
Can't you see yo keep me waiting-one too many times

11. The Feeling's Back

I wrote a letter just the other day to nobody in particular
But if anyone were to read a bit-they'd think I was a bit peculiar
But it matters not what they think of me, it's only what I know is real
And so all that's left that matters now-is that the feeling's back

The feeling's back and you just can't stop it
The feeling's back and you just can't stop it

I fought a thousand times-I never knew the meaning of the word fear
Till that one day when I stood alone-staring straight into the mirror
It's not a pretty sight-and even worse it's so hard to face
Until I realize I'm the only one that put me in this place

I'm gonna breathe I'm gonna live-that's right-nothing's gonna stop me
I7m gonna shout I'm gonna scream-that's right-nothing's gonna stop me
I'm gonna run I'm gonna fly-that's right-nothing's gonna stop me
I'm gonna fight I'm gonna win-that's right-nothing's gonna stop me
Nothing's gonna stop me, nothing's gonna stop me now...
Cause the feeling's back and you gotta love the feeling

I dug my hole too deep-I couldn't admit, I didn't know when to stop
But you can only dig your hole six feet until the dirt comes back on top
I've got a long way left to climb but I'll still look you straight in the eye
And I can honestly say I'll never quit-not even on the day I die

Controlled By Hatred / Feel Like Shit... Deja Vu (1989)



1. Master Of No Mercy
2. How Will I Laugh Tomorrow
3. Just Another Love Song
4. Waking The Dead
5. Controlled By Hatred
6. Choosing My Own Way Of Life
7. Feel Like Shit...Deja Vu
8. It's Not Easy
9. How Will I Laugh Tomorrow

1. Master Of No Mercy

Fuck it!
He's a carrier of death, a stork in reverse
He blesses you with sickness
Cause love is a curse
The arsening in your Koolaid, the bomb in your mail,
He disappears in motion
But leaves a bloody trail

Drop to your knees, humble you pray
But can't put off your judgment day

There's a knock at your door, who could it be?
You got a new friend that's gonna set you free
He's making a list, he's checking it twice
No amount of money's gonna stop this vice

No mercy, no mercy, no mercy. You want mercy?
No fuckin' mercy! Oh no
With the wink of an eye, a snap of the finger
Now the smell of death is all that lingers
A doctor of death with a PhD, a specialist in pure misery

See you fucked with him even though you knew
And now your worst nightmares all come true
You scream and shout you beg and plead
But he's got your soul and that's all that he needs

He's the master, master of no mercy, no mercy, no mercy

2. How Will I Laugh Tomorrow

[Video Edit]

Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down
I cry for help but no one's around
Silently screaming I bang my head against the wall
It seems like no one cares at all
Always an emotion, but how can I explain
How can I explain
Kind of like the scent of a rose
With words I can't explain
The same with my pain
Caught up in emotion-Goes over my head
Goes over my head
Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death
Am I living or am I dead
The clock keeps ticking but nothing else seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And when I think about all the times that I've had
So few good-So many bad
I search for personality and I look for things I can not see

Love and peace flash through my mind
Pain and hate are all I find
Find no hope in nothing new
Never had a dream come true
Lies and hate and agony
Thru my eyes that's all I see
If I'm gonna cry
Will you wipe away my tears?
If I'm gonna die
Lord please take away my fear
Before I drown in sorrow
Last thing that I'll say
How will I laugh tommorow
If I can't even smile today
Today today--when I can't even smile today
Today today--when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tommorow--when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tommorow--when I can't even smile today

3. Just Another Love Song

Well I just had to turn off the radio
But not before I heard thirteen songs about love in a row
Well I don't know what the next song's gonna be
But I know how the words are gonna go
They'll be singing "Oh baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby I
love you so"
So won't everybody sing along cause her comes just another
love song

I need you like I need a hole in my head
I need someone to steal my money and wish I were dead
I need someone to always put me down
And everywhere I go she wants to hang around

Do you really even think dreams come true
Do you really even think you'll find something wonderful and
new
Do you really even think someone's waiting for you
Do you really even thiink that love is near
Do you really even think it's me dear
Do you really even think I want to hear-but I still say
I won't fall in love today

I need a chick who's got expensive taste
Who's not afraid of whose money she wastes
You expect me to buy you a diamond ring!
Well I suspect I'll buy you not a thing!

Well I could tell you you're the only one I love
And how your eyes sparkle like the stars above
And that I carry a picture of you in my heart
And as long as we live we'll never be apart
And that you're the most important person in my life
But I can't handle a girlfriend, how am I gonna handle a wife

Love-hate love-hate love-hate love-hate love-hate love-hate
love-hate love-hate
I love, love, love to hate you but I'd hate, hate, hate to
love you

I could promise all my love to you
But that would take me only a second or two
And if you're waiting to be my one and only
You're gonna find out what it's like to be awfully lonely
Your song was alright for awhile-But now your tune's gone out
of style

You want to cuddle and hug all night
But I'm going out with my friends tonight
And I don't need someone to act like my mother
I already have one-I don't need another

But she sure looks fine
After a bottle of wine
And she's out of sight
When my mind's not right
And I'll promise you anything dear