"Babies"

   
Well it happened years ago,
When you lived on Stanhope Road.
We listened to your sister,
When she came home from school,
Cos she was two years older,
And she had boys in her room.
We listened outside and heard her.
Alright.
Well that was alright for a while,
But soon I wanted more.
I want to see as well as hear,
And so I hid inside her wardrobe.
And she came round four,
And she was with some kid called David,
From the garage up the road.
I listened outside I heard her.
Alright.

Oh I want to take you home.
I want to give you children.
You might be my girlfriend, yeah.

When I saw you next day,
I really couldn't tell,
Cos you might go and tell your mother.
And so you went with Neve,
And Neve was coming on,
And I thought I heard you laughing,
When his Mum and Dad were gone.
I listened outside, I heard you.
Alright.

Oh I want to take you home.
I want to give you children.
You might be my girlfriend, yeah.

Well I guess it couldn't last too long.
I came home one day,
And all her things were gone,
I fell asleep inside.
I never heard her come.
And then she opened up her wardrobe,
And I had to get it on.
Oh, listen
We were on the bed when you came home,
I heard you stop outside the door.
I know you won't believe it's true,
I only went with her 'cos she looks like you.
Oh I want to take you home.
I want to give you children.
You might be my girlfriend, yeah.

"Styloroc Nites Of Suburbia"

   
After many weeks in the wilderness we came upon a strange, exotic land.
A land of happy hours,
Where the sky is always grey and the food exceptionally greasy.
We drank strange brown liquids,
And our stomachs swelled up like balloons.
A thousand fake orgasms every night
Behind thick dralon curtains.
They go on and on and on and on.
We sank back into mauve P.V.C. sofas.
Outside dogs roamed the streets
And the rooftops glistened in the rain
But now we've grown so fat we can no longer pass through the door.
So stay we must,
Sprouting black hair beneath bri-nylon underwear.
Yes, here we will stay
These nights of suburbia go on and on and on and on and on.

"Razzmatazz"

   
The trouble with your brother,
He's always sleeping with your mother.
And I know that your sister missed her time again this month.
Am I talking too fast or are you just playing dumb?
If you want I can write it down.
It should matter to you,
Cos aren't you the one,
With your razzmatazz and the nights on the town?

Oh you knew it, and you blew it didn't you babe?
I was lying when I asked you to stay.
Now no-one's gonna care,
If you don't call them when you said.
And he's not coming round tonight to try and talk you into bed.
And all those stupid little things,
They ain't working,
No they ain't working any more.

You started getting fatter,
Three weeks after I left you.
And now you're going with some kid who looks like some bad comedian.
Are you gonna go out?
Or are you sitting at home eating boxes of Milk Tray?
Watch TV on your own, aren't you the one,
With your razzmatazz and your nights on the town?

And your father wants to help you doesn't he babe?
But your mother wants to put you away.
Now no-one's gonna care,
If you don't call them when you said.
And he's not coming round tonight to try and talk you into bed.
And all those stupid little things,
They ain't working,
No they ain't working any more.

Oh well I saw you at the doctor's,
Waiting for a test.
You tried to look like some kind of heiress,
But your face is such a mess.
And now you're going to a party,
And you're leaving on your own.
Well, I'm sorry, but didn't you say,
That things go better with a little bit of razzamatazz?

And now no-one's gonna care,
If you don't call them when you said.
And he's not coming round tonight to try and talk you into bed.
Now it's half past ten in the evening,
And you wish that you were dead,
Cos all those stupid little things,
They ain't working,
No they ain't working any more.

"Sheffield Sex City"

   
Intake, Manor Park, The Wicker, Norton, Frechville, Hackenthorpe, Shalesmoor,
Wombwell, Catcliffe, Brincliffe, Attercliffe, Ecclesall, Woodhouse, Wybourn,
Pitsmoor, Badger, Wincobank, Crookes, Walkley, Broomhill

The city is a woman
Bigger than any other
Oh, sophisticated lady
Yeah, I wanna be your lover
Not your brother, not your mother, yeah

The sun rose from behind the gasometers at six-thirty a.m.,
Crept through the gap in your curtains,
Caressed your bare feet poking from beneath the floral sheets.
I watched him flaking bits of varnish from your nails,
Trying to work his way up under the sheets.
Jesus!
Even the sun's on heat today
The whole city getting stiff in the building heat.

I just want to make contact with you
Oh that's all I wanna do
I just want to make contact with you
Oh that's all
I wanna do

Now I'm trying hard to meet her
But the fares went up at seven
She is somewhere in the city
Somewhere watching television
Watching people being stupid
Doing things she can't believe in
Love won't last `til next installment
Ten o' clock on Tuesday evening
The world is going on outside
The night is gaping open wide
The wardrobe and the chest of drawers
Are telling her to go outdoors
He should have been here by this time
He said that he'd be here by nine
That guy is such a prick sometimes
I don't know why you bother, really.

Oh babe
Oh I'm sorry
But I
I just had to make love to every crack in the pavement
And the shop doorways
And the puddles of rain that reflected your face in my eyes.

The day didn't go too well.
Too many chocolates and cigarettes.
I kept thinking of you and almost walking into lamp-posts.
Why's it so hot?
The air coming up to the boil
Rubbing up against walls and lamp-posts trying to get rid of it.
Old women clack their tongues in the shade of crumbling concrete bus shelters.
Dogs doing it in central reservations
And causing multiple pile-ups in the centre of town.
I didn't want to go in the first place,
But I've been sentenced to three years in the Housing Benefit waiting room.
I must have lost your number in the all-night garage,
And now I'm wandering up and down your street,
Calling you name,
In the rain,
Whilst my shoes turn to sodden cardboard.
Where are you? [Candida:] (I'm here)
[Jarvis:] Where are you? (I'm here)
Where are you? (I'm here)
Where are you? (I'm here)
Where are you? (I'm here)
Where are you? (I'm here)
Where are you?

I'm still trying hard to meet you
But it doesn't look like happening
Cos the city's out to get me
But I won't sleep with her this evening
Though her buildings are impressive
And her cul-de-sacs amazing
She's had too many lovers
And I know you're out there waiting
And now she's getting into bed
He's had his chance now it's too late
The carpet's screaming for her soul
The darkness wants to eat her whole
Tonight must be the night it ends
Tomorrow she will call her friends
And go out on her own somewhere
Who needs this shit anyway?
Oh listen,
I wandered the streets the whole night,
Trying to pick up your scent
Writing messages on walls
And the puddles of rain reflected your face in my eyes.

We finally made it...
On a hill-top at four a.m.
The whole city is your jewellery-box
A million twinkling yellow street lights.
Reach out and take what you want
You can have it all.
Jesus it took a long time.
I didn't think we were gonna make it.
So bad during the day,
But now snug and warm under an eiderdown sky.
Oh the things we saw:
Everyone on Park Hill came in unison at four-thirteen a.m.
And the whole block fell down.
The tobacconist caught fire,
And everyone in the street died of lung cancer.
We heard groans coming from the T-reg Chevette;
You bet, you bet, yeah you bet.
And tomorrow...?

Oh I was trying hard to meet her
But the fares went up at seven
She was somewhere in the city
Somewhere watching television
Watching people being stupid
Doing things she can't believe in
Love won't last `til next installment
Ten o'clock on Tuesday evening
The world was going on outside
The night was gaping open wide
The wardrobe and the chest of drawers
Were telling her to go outdoors
He should have been there by that time
He said that he'd be there by nine
That guy is such a prick sometimes
Oh yeah,
I want to tell you that
There's nothing to worry about because we can,
We can get it together, oh yeah.
We got it together tonight, didn't we?
I'd say we did, yeah
We've got a hope.

"Stacks"

   
I saw you standing at the stop
In your crochet halter top
And your sky-blue training bra
I know you're gonna go too far
You're driving all the boys insane
Down by the sports hall in the rain
Chewing-gum, a navy dress
A purple shirt and all the rest

Oh there's stacks to do
And there's stacks to see
And there's stacks to touch
And there's stacks to be
So many ways for you to spend your time
Such a lot
But I know
That you've got stacks

I heard you let him touch too much
On the back seat of the bus
Did you stay over at his place?
And did you do it?
Was he ace?
The world is bigger every day
And you've always got something to say
And you've always got somewhere to go
It's getting faster don't you know?

And there's stacks to do
And there's stacks to see
And there's stacks to touch
And there's stacks to be
So many ways for you to spend your time
Such a lot
But I know
That you've got stacks
Oh there's stacks to do
And there's stacks to see
Oh yes stacks to touch
And there's stacks to be
So many ways for you to spend your time
Such a lot
But I know
That you've got
Places to go
And faces to kiss
Boys to confuse and appointments to miss
So many ways for you to spend your time
Such a lot
But I know that you've got
Yeah I know that you've got stacks.

"Inside Susan"

   
Susan catches the bus into town at ten-thirty a.m.
She sits on the back seat.
She looks at the man in front's head
And thinks how his fat wrinkled neck is like a large carrot
Sticking out from the collar of his shirt.
She adds up the numbers on her bus ticket to see if they make twenty-one,
But they don't.
Maybe she shouldn't bother going to school at all, then.
Her friends will be in the yard with their arms folded on their chests,
Pushing up their breasts to try and make them look bigger,
Whilst the boys will be too busy playing football to notice.
The bus is waiting on the High Street when suddenly it begins to rain torrentially
And it sounds like someone has emptied
About a million packets of dried peas on top of the roof of the bus.
"What if it just keeps raining," she thinks to herself,
"and it was just like being in an aquarium except
It was all the shoppers and office-workers that were
Floating past the window instead of fish?"
She's still thinking about this when the bus goes passed Caroline Lee's house
Where there was a party last week.
There were some German exchange students there who were very immature;
They all ended up jumping out of the bedroom window.
One of them tried to get her to kiss him on the stairs,
So she kicked him.
Later she was sick because she drunk too much cider.
Caroline was drunk as well
She was pretending she was married to a tall boy in glasses,
And she had to wear a polo-neck for three days afterwards
To cover up the love-bite on her neck.
By now the bus is going past the market.
Outside is a man who spends all day
Forcing felt-tip pens into people's hands and then
Trying to make them pay for them.
She used to work in a pet shop there.
She got the sack for talking to boys when she was supposed to be working.
She wasn't too bothered though,
She hated the smell of the rabbits anyway.
"Maybe this bus won't stop," she thinks,
"and I'll stay on it until I'm old enough to go into pubs on my own.
And it'll drive me to a town where people with black hair are treated specially
And I can make lots of money by charging fat old men five
Pounds a time to look up my skirt.
And they'll be queuing up to take me out to dinner."
I suppose you think she's just a silly girl with stupid ideas,
But I remember her in those days.
They talk about people with a fire within and all that stuff,
Well,
She had that alright.
It's just that no-one dared to jump into her fire
And risk being consumed.
Instead, they put her in a corner and let her heat up the room,
Warming their hands and backsides in front of her,
And then slagging her off around town.
No-one ever really got inside Susan,
And,
And,
She always ended up getting off the bus at the terminus
And then walking home.

"59 Lyndhurst Grove"

   
There's a picture by his first wife on the wall
Stripped floor-boards in the kitchen and the hall
A stain from last week's party on the stairs
No-one knows who made it
Or how it ever got there
They were dancing with children round their necks
Talking business, books and records, art and sex
All things being considered
You'd call it a success
You wore your black dress

He's an architect and such a lovely guy
And he'll stay with you until the day you die
And he'll give you everything you could desire
Oh well almost everything
Everything that he can buy
So you sometimes go out in the afternoon
Spend an hour with your lover in his bedroom
Hear old women rolling trolleys down the road
Back to Lyndhurst Grove
Lyndhurst Grove, Oh

"Joyriders"

   
We like driving on a Saturday night,
Past the Leisure Centre, left at the lights.
We don't look for trouble,
But if it comes we don't run.
Looking out for trouble,
Is what we call fun.

Hey you, you in the Jesus sandals,
Wouldn't you like to come
Over and watch some vandals smashing up someone's home?

We can't help it, we're so thick we can't think,
Can't think of anything but shit, sleep and drink.
Oh, and we like women;
"up the women" we say,
And if we get lucky,
We might even meet some one day.

Hey you, you in the Jesus sandals,
Wouldn't you like to come
Over and watch some vandals smashing up someone's home?

Mister, we just want your car,
Cos we're taking a girl to the reservoir.
Oh, all the papers say,
It's a tragedy, but don't you want to come and see?

Mister, we just want your car,
Cos we're taking a girl to the reservoir.
Oh, all the papers say,
It's a tragedy, but don't you want to come and see?

Mister, we just want your car,
Cos we're taking a girl to the reservoir.
Oh, all the papers say,
It's a tragedy, but don't you want to come and see?

Mister, we just want your car,
Cos we're taking a girl to the reservoir.
Oh, all the papers say,
It's a tragedy, but don't you want to come and see?

"Lipgloss"

   
No wonder you're looking thin,
When all that you live on is lipgloss and cigarettes.
And scraps at the end of the day when he's given the rest,
To someone with long black hair.
All those nights up making such a mess of the bed.
Oh you never ever want to go home.
And he wants you so you may as well hang around for a while,
Call your dad on the phone.

He changed his mind last Monday,
So you've gotta leave by Sunday, yeah.
You've lost your lipgloss Honey, Oh yeah.
Now nothing you do can turn him on,
There's something wrong.
You had it once but now it's gone.

And you feel such a fool,
For laughing at bad jokes,
And putting up with all of his friends,
And kissing in public.
What are they gonna say when they run into you again?
That your stomach looks bigger and your hair is a mess,
And your eyes are just holes in your face.
And it rains every day,
And when it doesn't,
The sun makes you feel worse anyway.

He changed his mind last Monday,
Now you've gotta leave by Sunday, yeah.
You've lost your lipgloss Honey, Oh yeah.
Now nothing you do can turn him on,
There's something wrong.
You had it once but now it's gone.

Though you knew,
There was no way it was gonna last for ever,
It still shook you,
When he told you in a letter,
That he didn't wanna see you.
You nearly lost your mind, Oh yeah.

You've lost your lipgloss Honey, Oh yeah.
Now nothing you do can turn him on,
There's something wrong.
You had it once but now it's gone, Oh yeah.
You've lost your lipgloss Honey, Oh yeah.
Now nothing you do can turn him on,
There's something wrong.
You had it once but now it's gone.
Oh yeah.

"Acrylic Afternoons"

   
I fell asleep on your sofa,
And had a dream about a small child,
In dungarees,
Who caught his hands in the doors of the Paris metro.
Then my face cracked open and you were there,
You were there dressed in green,
Saying something obscene.
But that's why I came here in the first place,
Oh well that and the tea.

Can I stay here,
Lying under the table together with you now?
Can I hold you?
Forever in acrylic afternoons
I want to hold you tight
Whilst children play outside
And wait for their mothers to finish with lovers
And call them inside for their tea.

Cushions and TV,
And the table set for tea.
One for you, one for me.
Come and lie down on the settee,
In that green jumper,
You can have anything you want.
And the clock is saying,
It's half past four but you know,
I want to stay a little more.

Can I stay here,
Lying under the table together with you now?
Can I hold you?
Forever in acrylic afternoons
I want to hold you tight
Whilst children play outside
And wait for their mothers to finish with lovers
And call them inside for their tea.

On a pink quilted eiderdown,
I want to pull your knickers down.
Net curtains blow slightly in the breeze.
Lemonade light filtering through the trees.
It's so soft and it's warm.
Just another cup of tea please (one lump thanks).

Can I stay here,
Lying under the table together with you now?
Can I hold you?
Forever in acrylic afternoons
I want to hold you tight
Whilst children play outside
And wait for their mothers to finish with lovers
And call them inside for their tea.

Oh Kevin, Shane, Julie, Diane, Wayne, Frank,
Heather, Rachel, Chelsea, Leanne, come home.
It's time for your tea.