Jerry was a race car driver

Jerry was a race car driver
And he drove so goddamned fast
He never did win no checkered flag
But he never did come in last
Jerry was a race car driver
He’d say el solo number one
With a bocephus sticker
On his 442 he’d light ’em up
Just for fun

Captain pierce was a fireman
Richmond engine #3
I’ll be a wealthy man when I get
A dime for all the things that
Man taught to me
Captain pierce was a strong man
Strong as any man alive
It stuck in his craw that they
Made him retire at the age of 65

Jerry was a race car driver
22 years old
Had too many cold beers one night
And wrapped himself around a telephone pole

Mr. Krinkle

Hello Mr. Krinkle
How are you today?
Seems the rumors are about
your team might move away
Now, me I'm sentimental
But I'm not one to cry   

Say there Mr. Krinkle
let's cruise the Bastard boat
Damn then sonsabitches
with their gill-nets set afloat
I flip on my tele and I watch the waters die
C'mon Mr. Krinkle tell me why

Hey ho Mr. Krinkle
have you heard the brand new sound
It's a cross between Jimi Hendrix
Bocephus, Cher and James Brown
It's called "Heavy Hometown"
New Wave, cold-filtered, low-calorie dry
C'mon Mr. Krinkle tell me why?

Nature Boy

I pull the blinds then I take my clothes off
Dance around the house like nature boy
My genitalia and pectoral muscles
aren't quite what I would like them to be

But you don't see me
No one can see me

I pull my blinds
Fill out my income tax form
Pen in hand I write so legibly
I have my kitty. His name is Allowishus,
I stroke him

But you don't see me
No one should see me

I pull the blinds
For the sun glares off my tele
and I find it quite so irritating
I have my videos-loads of Ren and Stimpy
Bottom-a bit of pornography

But you don't see me
No one should see me...

Intruder


I know something about opening windows and doors.
I know how to move quietly to creep across creaky wooden floors.
I know where to find precious things in all your cupboards and drawers.
Slipping the clippers,
Slipping the clippers through the telephone wires.
The sense of isolation inspires....
Inspires me.
I like to feel the suspense when I'm certain you know I am there.

I like you lying awake, your baited breath charging the air.
I like the touch and the smell of all the pretty dresses you wear.
Intruders happy in the dark.
Intruder come.
Intruder come and leave his mark, leave his mark.

Making Plans for Nigel


We're only making plans for Nigel.
We only want what's best for him.
We're only making plans for Nigel.
Nigel just needs this helping hand.

And if young Nigel says he's happy.
He must be happy.
He must be happy in his work.

We're only making plans for Nigel.
He has his future in a British steel.
We're only making plans for Nigel.
Nigel's whole future is as good as sealed.
And if young Nigel says he's happy.
He must be happy.
He must be happy in his work.

Nigel is not outspoken but he likes to speak and loves to be spoken to.
Nigel is happy in his work.
We're only making plans for Nigel.

Sinister Exaggerator

Your life is leaning downhill, sloping off the outer edge.
Your undetermined oyster beds were found to be a hedge.
You cause the kids of Elmer Fudd to feed the farmer whose, Cadaver's filled with onion rings and feet are filled with glue.

Now sinister exaggerator, what's your claim to fame?
Is still your favorite Ferlingetti found in Auntie Maim?
Your alter life is superceded only from above.
Your hear is like a silken sponge that calls saliva love.

Have a Cigar

Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar.
You're gonna go far, fly high,
You're never gonna die, you're gonna make it if you try - they're gonna love you.
Well, I've always had a deep respect, and I mean that most sincerely.
The band is just fantastic of the town you are the talk,
but who the hell's this guy they call Bob Cock?
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy?
We call it Riding the Gravy Train!

We're just knocked out. We heard about the sell out.
You gotta get an album out,
You owe it to the people. We're so happy we can hardly count.

Everybody else is just green, have you seen the chart?
It's a helluva start,
it could be made into a monster if we all pull together as a team.
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy?
We call it Riding the Gravy Train!

Seas of Cheese


When the going gets tough
And the stomachg acids flow
The cold wind of conformity
Is nipping at your nose
When some trendy new atrocity
Has brought you to your knees
Come with us we'll sail the
Seas of Cheese

Here Come the Bastards


Here they come
Here come the bastards
I heard it from a confident -
Who heard it form a confidant
They're definately on their way
There's one with this idea
Something about a
hammer head shark
Nosehairs and flatus
Best keep your distance because
Here they come
here come the bastards
Bury your head deep in the sand
Anonyminity is a virtue
in this day and age
Amazing hand dexterity
Flagrant misuse of security
Better run, run, run, run, run
Run Run Run Run, here they come.

Sgt. Baker

Sgt. Baker is my name
I'm gonna teach you how to
play the game of warfare
Suddenly it appears to me
You got a bit much dignity
For your own good, boy
Yes sir, yes sir.

I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self-integrity
To make you all a bit like me
I said right, left

Sgt. Baker here again
And if you calls me "puddin Tame"
I'll stomp you down, boy
Steers and Queers
Steers and Queers where you come
From there's just steers and queers
And you ain't got no horns, boy
Yes sir, yes sir

I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self-integrity
To make you all a bit like me
I said right, left.