"You Are Woman"

   
Nick and Fanny meet up in Baltimore where
Fanny is on a tour with Ziegfeld's latest show.
They have dinner at a private dining room.
Fanny is annoyed that Nick hasn't been in
touch for ten months. Nick orders, mainly
in French, which Fanny doesn't understand.
Fanny is uneasy that Nick might make
advances in such an intimate room.

[Nick:]
You are woman, I am man,
You are smaller, so I can be taller than,
You are softer to the touch,
It's a feeling I like feeling very much.
You are someone I've admired,
Still, our friendship
Leaves something to be desired.
Does it take more explanation than this?
You are woman, I am man--
Let's kiss.
[Fanny:]
Isn't this the height of nonchalance,
Furnishing a bed in restaurants?
Well, a bit of dinner never hurt,
But guess who is gonna be dessert?
Do good girls do just what mama says,
When mama's not around?
It's a feeling,
Oy vey, what a feeling.
[Nick:]
A bit of pate?
[Fanny:]
I drink it all day.
Should I do the things he'll tell me to?
In this pickle what would Nellie do?
In my soul I feel an inner lack,
Just suppose he wants his dinner back?
[Both:]
Does it take more explanation than this?
[Fanny:]
Just some dried-out toast in a sliver,
On the top a little chopped liver.

How many girls become a sinner
While waiting for a roast beef dinner?
Though most girls slip in ordinary ways
I got style--I do it bordelaise.
Well, at least he thinks I'm special
--He ordered a la carte.
It's a feeling I like feeling very . . .
I feel the feeling down to my toes.
Now I feel that there's a fire here,
Try that once a little higher, dear,
What a beast to ruin such a pearl,
Would a convent take a Jewish girl?
[Both:]
Does it take more explanation than this?
[Fanny:]
Ooo, the thrills and chills goin' through me,
If I stop him now,
Can he sue me?
[Nick:]
You are woman . . .
[Fanny:]
You are man . . .
[Both:]
Let's kiss!

"Don't Rain On My Parade"

   
At the end of the Baltimore run, Fanny's train
is leaving to go on to to Chicago, while Nick
must catch the train for New York and then
head to Europe. Nick tells Fanny he loves
her and she suggests he marry her, but he
wants to have a fortune before he does.
On the spur of the moment, Fanny decides
to leave the tour and follow Nick to New York.
Eddie who has arrived to visit tries to talk her
out of it. Ziegfeld tries as well, but Fanny is
intent on following Nick; she has success in
show business and now she wants a personal
life as well. Eddie tries to advise her one more
time, "Don't", and she replies:

Don't tell me not to live,
Just sit and putter,
Life's candy and the sun's
A ball of butter.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade.
Don't tell me not to fly--
I've simply got to.
If someone takes a spill,
It's me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade!
I'll march my band out,
I'll beat my drum,
And if I'm fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir.
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it!
But whether I'm the rose
Of sheer perfection,
Or freckle on the nose
Of life's complexion,
The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye,
I gotta fly once,
I gotta try once,
Only can die once, right, sir?
Ooh, life is juicy,
Juicy, and you'll see
I'm gonna have my bite, sir!
Get ready for me, love,
'Cause I'm a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade!
I'm gonna live and live now,
Get what I want--I know how,
One roll for the whole shebang,
One throw, that bell will go clang,
Eye on the target--and wham--
One shot, one gun shot, and bam--
Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am!

I'll march my band out,
I will beat my drum,
And if I'm fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir,
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it.
Get ready for me, love,
'Cause I'm a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Nobody, no, nobody
Is gonna rain on my parade!

"Sadie, Sadie"

   
Act II opens with the newly wed Fanny and Nick
arriving at their home in Long Island. Fanny's
friends have prepared a surprise party for them.
Ziegfeld is there, hoping Fanny will be in his new
show; he's even hired her friend Eddie as dance
director. Fanny's Ziegfeld friends ask her what
it's like be married and she replies:

[Fanny:]
I'm Sadie, Sadie, married lady,
Bow when I go by.
I'm a corporation now,
Not me, myself and I.
Oh how that marriage license works
On chambermaids and hotel clerks.
The honeymoon was such delight
That we got married that same night.
I'm Sadie, Sadie, married lady,
Still in bed at noon,
Racking my brain deciding
Between orange juice and prune.
Nick says nothing is too good for me,
And who am I not to agree?
I'm Sadie, Sadie, married lady, that's me!
[All:]
She's Sadie, Sadie, married lady,
[Fanny:]
Meet a mortgagee,
[All:]
The owner of an icebox
[Fanny:]
With a ten-year guarantee.
Oh, sit me in the softest seat,
Quick, a cushion for my feet.
Do for me, buy for me, lift me, carry me,
Finally got a guy to marry me!
I do my nails,
Read up on sales,
All day the records play.
Then he comes home, I tell him
Oy--what a day I had today!
I swear I'll do my wifely job,
Just sit at home--become a slob!
I'm Sadie, Sadie, married lady, that's me!
[All:]
She's Sadie, Sadie, married lady,
[Boys:]
Sadie, you did the trick.
[Fanny:]
It's nothing!
[Girls:]
Not ev'ry girl can get herself
A guy who looks like Nick.
[Fanny:]
Wait, to tell the truth, it hurt my pride--
The groom was prettier than the bride.
[All:]
Sadie, Sadie, married lady,
[Fanny:]
Husband, house, a mortgage, a baby,
[All:]
Sadie, Sadie, married lady,
[Fanny:]
That's who?
[All:]
That's you.
[Fanny:]
That's me--married lady.
[All:]
Say hello to Ziegfeld's married lady--Sadie!

"Find Yourself A Man"

   
Time has passed. Fanny has given birth
to a daughter, Frances, who is now five
months old, and Fanny is going back into
the new Ziegfeld show. Eddie and
Mrs. Strakosh suggest that Fanny's
mother needs a new interest in life.

[Eddie and Mrs. Strakosh:]
Find yourself a man--
[Mrs. Brice:]
You're demented.
[Eddie and Mrs. Strakosh:]
Find yourself a man--
[Mrs. Brice:]
That's just what I need.
[Eddie:]
You'll see what a difference it makes ev'ry day.
[Mrs. Brice:]
Send me a letter,
You'll write me a resume
[Mrs. Strakosh:]
Just take me and Dave--
[Mrs. Brice:]
Romeo and Juliet--
[Eddie:]
Dave is still her slave.
[Mrs. Brice:]
Send the slave my regards!
[Eddie and Mrs. Strakosh:]
Open your heart and from out of the skies
A prince on a horse will materialize.
[Mrs. Brice:]
Boy, is some lucky prince
Gonna get a surprise!
[All:]
Find a man!
[Eddie and Mrs. Strakosh:]
Find yourself a man,
[Mrs. Strakosh:]
I repeat it, Rose.
[Mrs. Brice:]
Find myself a man.
[Eddie:]
You're defeated, Rose.
[Mrs. Brice:]
I'll hang a sign out,
Big letters that high,
Come in and sample
You don't have to buy.
[Eddie:]
Hear a voice talk back.
[Mrs. Brice:]
I hear voices now.
[Mrs. Strakosh:]
Money you don't lack--
[Mrs. Brice:]
Why, you've been countin'?
Just what I need is a middle-aged sheik
Whose uppers and lowers
Will click when he'll speak,
And life is a song 'cause he'll click and I'll creak.
[All:]
Find a man.
[Eddie and Mrs. Strakosh:]
The man that you select--
[Mrs. Brice:]
What about him?
[Eddie and Mrs. Strakosh:]
Must treat you with respect.
[Mrs. Brice:]
That's important.
[Eddie:]
He must understand there
Are rules to obey,
Not toy with your morals
And lead you astray.
[Mrs. Brice:]
Please, darling, let the man do things his way.
Mrs. Strakosh and [Eddie:]
Find a man--
[Mrs. Brice:]
I'm a grandmother!
[Mrs. Strakosh:]
Find a man--
[Mrs. Brice:]
You got somebody in mind?
[All:]
Find yourself
A man.

"Rat-Tat-Tat-Tat"

   
Nick asks Flo to invest in a casino Nick
has decided to launch, but Flo's money
is tied up in his new show, so Fanny
becomes Nick's partner. Fanny is featured
in the new 1920 Ziegfeld Follies World War I
tribute number:

[Eddie:]
Our boys went rat-tat-tat-tat,
Rat-tat-tat-tat,
And shot the Kaiser where he sat-tat-tat-at.
With every poppity-pop,
Some Kraut took a drop.
American boys are all such straight shooters--
We'll take care of him, Mother,
When he comes home from the war.
We'll take care of him, Mother,
We'll do everything that you would do--yeah--and more.
Rat-tat-tat-tat,
We'll give their backs a big pat.
They deserve a future full of joys
'Cause they're our Yankee Doodle,
Yankee Doodle,
Yankee Doodle,
Doughboys.
Company--Order--Arms--Roll Call--
[Company:]
I'm Private Jones from Arkansas,
I'm Private Smith from Kansas,
I'm Private Ryan from Maine,
I'm Private Burke from Wisconsin,
I'm Private O'Brien from Texas,
I'm Private Muntz from Michigan,
[Fanny:]
I'm Private Schvartz from Rock-a-way,
And I guess you heard reports
That the Kaiser runs a block away
When they tell him, here comes Schvartz,
'Cause ven I get mad, believe it, Jack,
Out from nowhere comes a maniac,
A kick in the foot,
A shot in the pants--
I wouldn't give a second chance.
Schvartz from Rock-a-way.
[Chorus:]
Private Schwartz
Private Schwartz
Private Schwartz from Rock-a-way.
[Fanny:]
I met Mademoiselle from Armentieres
And my bagels gave a spin (oy, yoy),
She said, Private Schvartz,
Come closer, dear!
What a tzimmis I got in!
Ven you're fighting for democracy,
Call on Irving Schvartz and company,
I'm through and through
Red, white and bluish,
I talk this way
Because I'm British.
Tell Far Rock-a-way, don't pull the dock away,
'Cause sailing home is General Schvartz.
[All:]
Rat-ta ta ta ta tat,
We'll give their backs a big pat.
They deserve a great big medal
And a loud huzzah,
Over here and over there
You'll hear
Rat-tat a tat tat,
Rat-tat a tat tat,
Rat tat a tat tat tat,
That's our Yankee Doodle,
Yankee Doodle
Rat tat a tat tat tat
Hurrah.

"Who Are You Now?"

   
Nick is not in the audience for Fanny's opening night,
and she's worried, but when he makes a late appearance
at the party, she's angry at him until he tells her that a
hurricane has destroyed their casino and he's lost all
her money. Fanny doesn't think it's that big a deal, and
this makes Nick angry. Fanny doesn't understand why:

Who are you now,
Now that you're mine?
Are you something more
Than you were before?
Are you warmer in the rain,
Are you stronger for my touch,
Am I giving too little
By my lovin' you too much?
How is the view,
Sunny and green?
How do you compare it to
The views you've seen?
I know I am better, braver and surer too,
But you--are you now--
Who are you now?
Are you someone better for my love?

"The Music That Makes Me Dance"

   
Trying to help, Fanny puts up $20,000 so that Nick
can become a theatrical agent, but he sees through
her ploy and it angers and humiliates him. Desperate
for money, he agrees to participate in a fraudulent
bond deal and is arrested for embezzlement.
Fanny realizes that somehow she has driven Nick to this:

I add two and two, the most simple addition,
Then swear that the figures are lying,
I'm a much better comic than mathematician
'Cause I'm better on stage than at intermission,
And as far as the man is concerned,
If I've been burned,
I haven't learned.
I know he's around when the sky and the ground start in ringing,
I know that he's near by the thunder I hear in advance,
His words--his words alone--are the words that can start my heart singing,
And his is the only music that makes me dance.

He'll sleep and he'll rise, in the light of two eyes that adore him.
Bore him it might, but he won't leave my sight for a glance.
In ev'ry way, ev'ry day, I need less of myself and need more him--more him,
'Cause his is the only music that makes me dance,
'Cause his is the only music that makes me dance.

"Don't Rain On My Parade (Reprise)"

   
The time has returned to the opening scene, with
Fanny in her dressing room, remembering her past.
It's the day Nick gets out of prison after eighteen months.
Fanny tells Ziegfeld she's ready to give up performing
if Nick asks her. Nick arrives and tells her he thinks
they should split up. Fanny is rocked but pretends this
is what she feels also. Nick leaves, and Fanny prepares
to face the future without him:

I'll march my band out,
I'll beat my drum,
Guess we didn't make it,
At least I didn't fake it.
Don't tell me not to live,
Just sit and putter,
Life's candy; the sun's
A ball of butter.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade.
I'm gonna live and live now,
Get what I want I know how,
All that the law will allow.
Hey, gorgeous, here we go again.
Well, here it goes, kid,
No lookin' back,
Stiff upper nose, kid,
Let's give 'em hell, Brice,
We'll cry a little later,
Well, Brice, that's life in the the-a-ter!
Get ready for me, world,
'Cause I'm a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Nobody, no, nobody
Is gonna rain on my parade.

"Absent Minded Me"

   
(B.Merril & J.Styne)

Absent minded me
Absent minded me
I'm losing a key
Or missing a glove
Just like me to lose my love
Gotta find it, absent minded me
Dizzy dopey me
Mixed-up mopey me
I'm way, way ahead
Of the game then it starts
How did I lose my king of hearts?
Gotta find it, absent minded me
There's my key
Gee, I left it in the door
There's my glove on the shelf
Now if I don't find my love
I'll be losing myself
Gotta find him
Gotta find him
Absent minded me
Absent minded me...

"When In Rome (I Do As The Romans Do)"

   
(C.Leigh & C.Coleman)

When on foreign shores I am
Very truly yours I am
But if inclined to play I am
Sweetheart, that's the way I am....
When in Spain for reasons I don't explain
I remain enjoying a brew
Don't deplore my fondness for fundador
You know how a fundador can lead to a few
And baby when in Rome I do as the Romans do
If per chance I'm saying farewell to France
And romance drops in from the blue
Cherchez l'amour I beg of you please endure
My taking a brief detour with somebody new
It's just that when in Rome
I do as the Romans do
And though from Italy I lied to you prettily
Oh don't think of me bitterly
But know that I'm true
Except now and then in Rome,
I get that old yearn in Rome
And naturally when in Rome
I do as the Romans do
E molto difficile resistere agli uomini di Italia
Per esempio, per esempio i biondi,
I biondi di Firenze, di Venezia
E i bruni di Palermo, di Milano...
You know what I mean?
If I write happily
Best wishes from Napoli
Don't cable me snappily
To tell me we're through
'Cause I'm once again in Rome
In somebody's den in Rome
Well honey, but when in Rome
I do as the Romans do
So just disregard the signs and the omens
When in Rome I do as the Romans do...
Veni, vidi, vince!