"You Owe Me Nothing In Return"

I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is

You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(and there are no strings attached)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

"Surrendering"

you were full and fully capable
you were self sufficient and needless
your house was fully decorated in that sense

you were taken with me to a point
a case of careful what you wish for
but what you knew was enough to begin

and so you called and courted fiercely
so you reached out, entirely fearless
and yet you knew of reservation and how it serves

and I salute you for your courage
and I applaud your perseverance
and I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces
that I represent

so you were in but not entirely
you were up for this but not totally
you knew how arms length-ing can maintain doubt

and so you fell and you're intact
so you dove in and you're still breathing
so you jumped and you're still flying if not shocked

and I support you in your trusting
and I commend you for your wisdom
and I'm amazed by your surrender in the face of threatening forces
that I represent

you found creative ways to distance
you hid away from much through humor
your choice of armor was your intellect

and so you felt and you're still here
and so you died and you're still standing
and so you softened and you're still safely in command

self protection was in times of true danger
your best defense to mistrust and be wary
surrendering a feat of unequalled measure
and I'm thrilled to let you in
overjoyed to be let in in kind

"Utopia"

we'd gather around all in a room fasten our belts engage in dialogue
we'd all slow down rest without guilt not lie without fear disagree sans judgement

we would stay and respond and expand and include and allow and forgive and
enjoy and evolve and discern and inquire and accept and admit and divulge and
open and reach out and speak up

This is utopia this is my utopia
This is my ideal my end in sight
Utopia this is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate

we'd open our arms we'd all jump in we'd all coast down into safety nets

we would share and listen and support and welcome be propelled by passion not
invest in outcomes we would breathe and be charmed and amused by difference
be gentle and make room for every emotion

we'd provide forums we'd all speak out we'd all be heard we'd all feel seen

we'd rise post-obstacle more defined more grateful we would heal be humbled
and be unstoppable we'd hold close and let go and know when to do which we'd
release and disarm and stand up and feel safe

this is utopia this is my utopia
this is my ideal my end in sight
utopia this is my utopia
this is my nirvana
my ultimate

"Fear Of Bliss"

My misery has enjoyed company
And although I have ached
I don't threaten anybody
Sometimes I feel more bigness than I've shared with you
Sometimes I wonder why I quell when I'm not required to
I've tried to be small I've tried to be stunted
I've tried roadblocks and all
My happy endings prevented
Sometimes I feel it's all just too big to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my bigness could do
Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)
I could be golden
I could be glowing
I could be freedom
But that could be boring
Sometimes I feel this is too scary to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of losing you

Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)

This talk of liberation makes me want to go lie down
Under the covers til the terror of the unknown is gone
I could be full
I could be thriving
I could be shining
Sounds isolating
Sometimes I feel this is too good to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my joy could do

Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)

"Bent 4 U"

You're unsure and you're not ready so that must mean I want you
You're unavailable and disinterested and to you I look for comfort
A million times in a million ways I will try to change you
A million months and a million days I'll try to somehow convince you
I have waited for you and adjusted for you and I'm done
I have deferred to you and enabled you and I'm done
You're too young or you're too old or you're simply not inclined
You're asleep or you're withholding be that my cue to crave you
Several times in several ways I'll try to squeeze love from you
Several hours and several ways I'll feast on scraps thrown from you
I have bent for you and I've deprived for you and I'm done
I have depressed for you and contorted for you and I'm done
I have stifled for you and I've compromised for you and I'm done
I have silenced for you and sacrificed for you and I'm done
It. won't be long before I am reclaimed
It won't take long and I'll be on path again
It won't be easy for us to disengage
I'm at the end of self deprivation stage
You're afraid of every woman afraid of your inner workings
You cringe at the thought of living under the same roof as me god and everything
A million times and a million ways I've tried to alter to match you
Several times every several days I've tried to uncrush on you

"Sorry To Myself"

For hearing all my doubts so selectively and
For continuing my numbing love endlessly.
For helping you and myself: not even considering
For beating myself up and over functioning.

To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueller than I've been to me.

For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable
For myself love being so embarrassingly conditional.
And for denying myself to somehow make us compatible
And for trying to fit a rectangle into a ball.

And
To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueller than I've been to me.

I'm sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else.
I'm sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else.

For blaming myself for your unhappiness
And for my impatience when I was perfect where I was.
Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready,
And expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be.

To whom do I owe the first apology?
No one's been crueller than I've been to me.

And
I'm sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else.
I'm sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else.

Well, I wonder which crime is the biggest ?
Forgetting you or forgetting myself...
Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter,
I would've naturally loved the former.

For ignoring you: my highest voices.
For smiling when my strife was all too obvious.
For being so disassociated from my body,
And for not letting go when it would've been the kindest thing.

To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me.

And
I'm sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else.
I'm sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else

"Sister Blister"

You and me we're cut from the same cloth
It seems to some we famously get along
But you and me are strangers to each other
Cuz you and me: competitive to the bone
Such tragedy to trample on each other with how much we've endured
With the state this land is in
You and me feel joined only by gender
We are not all for one and one for all
Sister blister we fight to please the brothers
We think their acceptance is how we win
They're happy we're climbing over each other
To beg the club of boys to let us in
You and me estranged from the mother
You and me have felt impotent in our skin
You and me have taken it out on each other
You and me disloyal to the feminine
Such a pity to disavow each other with how far we've come
With how strong we've been
You and me are on this pendulum together
You and me with scarcity still fueling
Sister blister we fight to please the brothers
We think their acceptance is how we win
They're happy we're climbing over each other
To beg the club of boys to let us in
We may not have priorities same
We may not even like each other
We may not be hugely anti-men
But such a cost to dishonor a sister
You and me have made it harder for the other
We forget how hard separatism has been
You and me we can help change their minds together
You and me in alignment until the end
Sister blister we fight to please the brothers
We think their acceptance is how we win
They're happy we're climbing over each other
To beg the club of boys to let us in

"Offer"

Who
Who am I to be blue
Look at my family and fortune
Look at my friends and my house
Who
Who am i to feel deadend
Who am i to feel spent
Look at my health and my money
And where
Where do i go to feel good
Why do i still look outside me
When clearly i've seen it won't work
Is it my calling to keep on when i'm unable
And is it my job to be selfless extraodinairre
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer
And why
Why do i feel so ungrateful
Me who is far beyond survival
Me who see life as an oyster
Is it my calling to keep on when i'm unable
And is it my job to be selfless extraodinairre
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer
And how
How dare i rest on my laurels
How dare i ignore an outstreched hand
How dare i ignore a third world country
Is it my calling to keep on when i'm unable
And is it my job to be selfless extraodinairre
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer
Who
Who am i to be woo

"Unprodigal Daughter"

I had disengaged to avoid being totaled
I would run away and say good riddance, soon enough
I had grown disgusted by your small-minded ceiling
Imagine myself bolting had not been difficult
Soon be my life
Soon be my pace
Soon be my choice of which you'll have no part of
Unprodigial daughter and I'm heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I'd invite you but I'm busy being unoppressed
I hit the ground running, although I know not what toward
I hit the town feeling, forgetting all that came before
I felt primed and ready, once surrounded by the pawns
I felt culture shocked, but dissuaded, I was not
This is my town
This is my voice
This is my taste of which you've have no part of
Unprodigial daughter and I'm heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I'd invite you but I'm busy being unoppressed
One day I'll saddle back and speak of foreign adventures
One day I'll double back and tell you about these unfettered years
One day I'll look back and feel something other than relieved
Glad that I left when I did before, I know you, you can't get the best of me
When I'd speak of artistry you would roll your eyes skyward
When I'd speak of spirituality you would label it absurd
When I spoke of possibility you would frown and shake your head
If I had stayed much longer, I'd have surely imploded
These are my words
This is my house
These are my friends of which you've had no part
Unprodigial daughter and I'm heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I'd invite you but I'm busy being unoppressed
Unprodigial daughter and I'm heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I'd invite you but I'm busy being unoppressed

"Simple Together"

You've been my golden best friend
Now with post-demise at hand
Can't go to you for consolation
Cause we're off limits during this transition
This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And i can't stop bumping into things
I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
Thought we'd be limitless together
I thought we'd be precious together
But i was sadly mistaken
You've been my soulmate and mentor
I remembered you the moment i met you
With you i knew god's face was handsome
With you i suffered an expansion
This loss is numbing me
It pierces my chest
And i can't stop dropping everything
I thought we'd be sexy together
Thought we'd be evolving together
I thought we'd have children together
I thought we'd be family together
But i was sadly mistaken
If i had a bill for all the philosophies i shared
If i had a penny for all the possibilities i presented
If i had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
My wealth would render this no less severe
I thought we'd be genius together
I thought we'd be healing together
I thought we'd be growing together
Thought we'd be adventurous togheter
But i was sadly mistaken
Thought we'd be exploring together
Thought we'd be inspired together
I thought we'd be flying together
Thought we'd be on fire together
But i was sadly mistaken
[vocalizes]