"Can't Con An Honest John"

Using the following, I'm going to show you:

a) How to con someone using their own greed,
b) That you won't feel bad 'cos they're trying to con you anyway, and
c) Taking their money!

As I have come to realise, running the beats is just getting people's confidence.

This scam only works 'cos that man thinks he's working this scam
And that you man off his mark
Get your mate, let's call your mate Piers
No, not Piers, let's call him Farquhar
Anyway get Farquhar to crawl into a bar with his dog
Like I said, the barman will try and con you later
but you're gonna take all his money.
Anyway, get Farquhar to pass into a local bar
And call to the bar to look after a dog for a dart
Just for 20 quid for a while, claiming that he hated it
But it was worth more than his car
This, by the way, requires that you find and supply Farquhar
With an animal, and a life, from your local park.
Get a nice dog that doesn't bark
But not so nice that someone might miss this mutt from the park

Anyway, using this technique you're gonna take all this man's money
But you're not gonna care, cos he's gonna fucking deserve it

[Chorus]
You'll never con an Honest John
An Honest John you can't drag down (Exactly!)
Con-do-lee get conned
When they think they're the cunning one (It's all one big con)
Neighbour you won't con
An Honest John

Now listen, get Farquhar to dart out the bar
And just shop for some garm's, maybe
Just to pass an hour or so
I would go shopping cos' I gave up drinking
But whatever, just have Farquhar down the road
Now you walk in the bar, walk up to the barman
Order a jar, when you've caught him slouched on his own
Start eyeing the dog that he's minding by his side
Currently vibe him and start on about the dog you own.
Start asking the barman, if it's his fine specimen of a dog
Nod, smile, agree, look interested and cool
When he tells you it's someone else's you've just left previous
Tell him, 'This is a very rare breed of animal.'
Last time I lied my manager swiped me
But lie, and tell him it's like a fucking Red-Eared Hunting Spaniel.
Tell him it's worth 600 quid and you would pay handsomely if you were to accept finance at all

[Chorus]
You'll never con an Honest John (Sometimes...)
An Honest John you can't drag down (...Sometimes I think I should just go completely...)
Condolee get conned
When they think they're the cunning one
Neighbour you won't con an Honest John (Keep listening though, it's important that you keep listening...)

Now take all his shopping off him
Get your mate Farquhar to pop in
Looking straight gutted a bit later on
He should order a jar, talk at the bar
Ensure he looks calm, warm with the barman
And generally start conversating on.
Farquhar should start falling apart
About how he's arsed up some chance
And how arsed up his day was.
Or in the event, the spread betting he's getting ready to accept
That his rent's not getting payed up.
The barmans mind will chime slowly for a while
He might wipe the bar, as his mind is making sums.
Farquhar should continue to moan about money
And that this mutt is not the greatest of his worries.
And like 'ching!', the barman will five out of six times
Kindly offer his greed to buy the dog for a price of 300 quid
And after some bartering, your barman will haggle and charge harder
In greed of the scent of the scheme in his head. (That's right, neighbour!)

You'll never con an Honest John
An Honest John you can't drag down
Condolee get conned
When they think they're the cunning one
(The barman, is gonna see how much he can stitch you up for.)
Neighbour you won't con an Honest John
(How does that work? Cos' everytime it's based around someone who thinks they're conning you.)

They'll never imagine the whole scenario is prepared solely for him
Why should he?
That sort of paranoia can get you in the loony bin!

As I have come to realise, running the beats is just getting people's confidence.
And than taking their money!

It's all one big con.

"When You Wasn't Famous"

Ahhh see... Right see the thing that's got it all f*cked up now is camera-phones.
How the hell am I supposed to be able to do a line in front of complete strangers, when I know they've
all got cameras?

When you're a famous boy, it gets really easy to get girls,
it's all so easy you get a bit spoilt.
But, when you try to pull a girl, who is also famous too,
it feels just like when you wasn't famous.

The celebrity pages in papers don't tell tales that are always to the line of the truth.
It's 'til a line (of coke) at which most likely you'll have the time, or enough finance to sue.
Which is why it's so frightening buying papers in the morning fearing the next Mike Skinner scoop.
'Cos I used to believe what I read, so now I know that others will believe that it's true
But I realised, with you the truth could be, a whole lot worse than the flack.
My whole life I never thought I'd see, a pop star smoke crack.
And I must admit I was quite shocked, with that thing you did with me on my back.
But, outside in the lobby, I shouldn't have laughed when you slapped that man.

When you're a famous boy, it gets really easy to get girls,
it's all so easy you get a bit spoilt.
But, when you try to pull a girl, who is also famous too,
it feels just like when you wasn't famous.

You were so much fun, I really got to like you more than you liked me,
I really hoped that you'd stay.
Considering the amount of prang you'd done, you looked amazing on cd...uk.
You learn dances, do promo, cameras flashing, get in the van, zoom away (reeeoow).
I wake up high, (unknown) feel hung over and sorry for my doomed day.
But I know I got a bit close to you, and that you found it f*cking boring.
You taught me so much about how to deal with the (?).
And what version of a rumour would be next day everyone's story of me.
You taught me all the realities and "turn the page & ignore 'em".

When you're a famous boy, it gets really easy to get girls,
it's all so easy you get a bit spoilt.
But, when you try to pull a girl, who is also famous too,
it feels just like when you wasn't famous.

Anyway, I had to rest my beer hat, delete my dealer's number and unroll my bank notes.
And we were on borrowed time anyway, what with the daily toilet papers not knowin'.
And I knew that when the people who thought they knew you, when they found out, I would've been mocked.
Which is ironic, 'cos in reality, standing next to you I look f*cking soft.
Whenever I see you on MTV, I can't stop my big wide smile.
And past the "children's appeal", I see the darkness behind.
We both know the scratches on my back, much better than the alludes and lies.
I miss the bitchin' and shoutin', but I'm glad I got out in time.

When you're a famous boy, it gets really easy to get girls,
it's all so easy you get a bit spoilt.
But, when you try to pull a girl, who is also famous too,
it feels just like when you wasn't famous.

You can't keep f*cking popstars, we've got a f*cking business to run. There are industry repercussions,
Michael!... I know

"Never Went To Church"

Two great European narcotics,
Alcohol and Christianity,
I know which one I prefer

We never went to church,
Just get on with work and sometimes things'll hurt,
But it's hit me since you left us,
And it's so hard not to search.

If you were still about,
I'd ask you what I'm supposed to do now,
I just get a bit scared,
Every now,
Hope I made you proud.

On your birthday when mom passed the forks and spoons,
I put my head on the table I was so distraught with you,
You tidied your things into the bin,
The more poorly you grew,
So there's nothing of yours to hold or to talk to.

Put your hand up and interrupt the conversation with a, but..
People say I interrupt people with the same look.
Sometimes I think so hard I can't remember how your face looked,
Started reading about dreams in your favourite book.
Panic and pace when I can't see the right thing to do.
You'd be scratching your head through the best advice you knew.
And I feel sad I can't hear you reciting it through,
I miss you dad but I've got nothing to remind me of you

[Chorus]

I needed a break when your book about dreams was taken,
I needed to pray or see a priest that day,
I needed to leave this trade and just heave it away.
But I cleaned up my place like you so I could see things straight.

I never cared about God when life was sailin' in the calm,
So I said I'd get my head down and I'd deal with the ache in my heart,
And for that if God exists I'd reckon he'd pay me regard,
Mom says me and you are the same from the start.

I guess than you did leave me something to remind me of you,
Everytime I interrupt someone like you used to,
When I do something like you you'll be on my mind or through,
'Cause I forgot you left me behind to remind me of you.

[Chorus x2]

But you you still tell me how you didn't know what to do even now,
And then I'm not so scared somehow,
'Cause I know that you'd be proud.

I got a good one for you dad,
I'm gonna see a priest, a Rabbi and a Protestant clergyman,
You always said I should hedge my bets.

"Hotel Expressionism"

The fine art of hotel expressionism
And the sentiment with the kettlent condiments
Compose your mood using the soap hanging chute(?)
The minibar can be part of the art

In the early hours of a blurry hotel you need guests of (?)
My word is word if we earn success in hotel expressionism
stay away from (?) hotels so when wrecked there's no victim
I've been ejected from hotels that then when i'm checking in will swear to be with them (swearin')
Man, i'm not some crank vandal swinging the TV about at random
Attacks to the lampstand for a (?) is the art of action prove (?)
Tediously mischief from (?) is why we hide from enemy pages
Throwing the TV out the window mate is nothing clear of weak cliches
It's vandalism an expressionists (?) we keen leaders associate to
I'm talking E-convertibles (talking?)

The fine art of hotel expressionism
And the sentiment with the kettlent condiments
Compose your mood using the soap hanging chute(?)
The minibar can be part of the art

From the (?) of the minibar brandy and lambs see(?)
You have a brandy (?) sweet boozy steam moves freely and is in no manner mindless fun
Express yourself in anyway say anything you may and anyway that man (?)
That's fuckin (?) fuckin cunt the fuckin damage is a minor... fucker
But louts harassin is fuckin drole spellin through the death of rock and roll
Rap and roll are separate to some acid trip cus rock and roll is fuckin old
The group of girls your so in on have to be on there oh there and piss
But you have a problem with the man there with he's a dealer but there's a rift(?)
You need to get infront jump up on his own shit take his gear he disappears
Leave him there his hand in a bucket of water gaffer taped to a chair in a lift

The fine art of hotel expressionism
And the sentiment with the kettlent condiments
Compose your mood using the soap hanging chute(?)
The minibar can be part of the art

I'll tell you
Expressionism is his own form of art
Because with normal art someone usually the artist they pour out their heart
But it's worth is decided by committin and has to obey the law and sharks
I tell expressionists walk out the lift mind checkin' out pay for their art
Real art should be nothing but love shouldn't be about the money or fashion
I make these crap rap rhythms to pay the hotel bills that fund my packet(?)

The fine art of hotel expressionism
And the sentiment with the kettlent condiments
Compose your mood using the soap hanging chute(?)
The minibar can be part of the art

It's tedious the mischief from (?) is why we hide from enemy pages
Throwing the TV out the window mate is nothing clear of weak cliche
It's vandalism an expressionismists keenly disassociate to
I'm talking E-convertibles, structural damage, human injury... well mayhem basically

"Two Nations"

Two nations divided
By a common language
And about two hundred years of new songs and dancing
But the difference is language
And just the bits you got wrong
'Cause we were the ones who invented the language

Sorry, oi, that's just my idea of a joke
But you guys are different to us across the pond folk
And I keep having to say that I'm only joking
In New York when I have to buy fags on the road, oi
Biggy man, god bless America and that
But you lot keep killing all your best talent
We build up our stars and then papers sweep on them
And you build on stars and maniacs shoot them
I don't know much about nines and Mac's
But we still got 22's we're inclined to pack
And I much prefer the profit margin nowadays
And crystal meth, it's all hype with crack
It was no shock to me when we flew to the door
At the Nas gig where the mans were shooting in a war
Since it got reported in the latest news story
That London is now more dangerous than New York

Two nations divided
By a common language
And about two hundred years of new songs and dancing
But the difference is language
And just the bits you got wrong
'Cause we were the ones who invented the language, oi

Understated is how we prefer to be
That's why I've sold three millions and you've never heard of me
The paparazzi shoot me the the girls all loose on me
But don't shoot hiders, we fight football rivalry
The work wac means to cum back home
And I wrote the ten wac commandments on my own
I was in front of the bloke shooting at the Nas show
But they weren't shooting at him it was honor that night though
We don't shoot idols happily shoot instead
Up my road the police just thought are you dead
'Cause they guessed he might of been a bit of a terrorist
Does this bomb look big in this bag then but we love Biggy, Johnny Cash and Stevie Wonder
It's no Biggy we got no cash and its no wonder
'Cause I'm proud we gave you people like John Lennon
Even though you shot him as well

Two nations divided
By a common language
And about two hundred years of new songs and dancing
But the difference is language
And just the bits you got wrong
'Cause we were the ones who invented the language

"Fake Streets Hats"

If you don't like what's going down
you need to change something round
and what you can't change you've got to change the way you thought about
If you don't like what's going down
you need to change something round
and what you can't change you've got to change the way you thought about

Two days before i finally snap from (?) a gig
I was being a twat the bass player behind the (?) cap he's belgium another bright screaming gang
Johnny drums see peeps leaving trailing gaps putting face cream on between the breaks and tracks
I needed to stop this, draw the last of my ways
20 minutes to go the floor manager says
Been a long summer (?) band's an age i wanna dry my eyes and all the band on the stage
(I wana see the whole crowd in Belgium)
dead silence not very nice to feel so depressed and violent
(He's fuckin' puttin moisturiser on, he's fuckin moisturisin' his face... i know YEAH)

If you don't like what's going down
you need to change something round
and what you can't change you've got to change the way you thought about
If you don't like what's going down
you need to change something round
and what you can't change you've got to change the way you thought about

(Some cunt is bringin up a load of fuckin shithole streets hats)
Oi, oi, (?) down the day before the crafts the hats were bought by warner staff thought they were fakes,
not thought to ask
so i (?) the audience found under the stage but i'd only just spoken ted mayham has never seen me so
darn broken
the very next day in bed in London
with a girl i have little memory of
unable to feel anything much which was the reason why i bought my first suit
wasn't thinking at that bit on stage
the fake streets hats were actually not fake!

If you don't like what's going down
you need to change something round
and what you can't change you've got to change the way you thought about
If you don't like what's going down
you need to change something round
and what you can't change you've got to change the way you thought about

If you don't like what's going down
you need to change something round
and what you can't change you've got to change the way you thought about
If you don't like what's going down
you need to change something round
and what you can't change you've got to change the way you thought about

(My ears who's that cunt? tell him to fuck off man "the streets" no look what what oh yeah no go go go yeah mate stop (?) you know it is made so hard)