ne ne ne ima onaj bolji zasto slovenacki automobili imaju samo 3 brzine?
Dok ubace u cetvrtu vec su na granici  

Otisli Mujo i Haso letiti helikopterom, i nakon 10 minuta helikopter se srusio...
Kad su ljudi nasli crnu kutiju i poslusali razgovor, zadnje sto je Mujo rekao bilo je:

- "Deder Haso, ugasi taj ventilator gore, zebe me".  :o  

vuce propuh

Gleda narkoman utakmicu koju sudi Kolina,i hvata njega kriza kad cuje neko zvoni na vrata,otvori on kad tamo Ceca drzi karton wutre,uzme on onaj karton zalupi vrata i odvali se od wutre,uvali se u fotelju i kaze ma neka ceka Brena!

ovaj ti je dobar.... a ono gore - pih

Himna penzionera

Godinama opterecen,
Umno poremecen,
Seksualno rasterecen,
Novcano ugrozen,
Vremenom pregazen,
Dosadom zarazen,
Tekstilno unakazen,
Uvijek drijema,
Zuba nema,
Jede sve manje,
Sere sve tanje,
Smezurana lica,
Rijetka stolica,
Sve mu smeta,
Svakog grdi,
Ide i prdi,
Na bijeli luk smrdi,
Niko ga ne gleda,
Ledja pognuta,
Stomaka naduta,
Dupe sve manje,
Noge sve tanje,
Guza sve uza,
Muda sve duza,
Kita viseca,
Nije ni za smeca,
TOTALNA NESRECA!

"Congratulations?"

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your marriage with my daughter. Will you forgive and forget? I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was wrong. I was a fool. I have now come to my senses, and you have my full blessings to marry my daughter.

Your future father-in-law,

Jagmohan Singh, Ph.D.

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.   :o    

Ahilu je bila kobna peta. Ja sam se zajeb'o vec kod trece...

Ako spavas na stomaku, spavaj bar na tudjem.

Bolje biti aktivan danas nego radioaktivan sutra.

Bolje sam sa sobom nego sam bez sobe!

Ko zeli da ostavi cigarete i alkohol neka ih ostavi kod mene.

Imam 30 godina i jos nemam djevojku. Ne da mi zena.

Pishi kako goworish, chitay kako pishe.

Ples je samo uspravan izraz za vodoravnu zelju.

Poruka za ne zaposlene: 3, 12, 24, 26, 33, 36 i dopunski broj 8!

Dok smo bili drugovi ziveli smo kao gospoda

Pita Mujo Fatu:
Reci bona jesam li ti ja prvi?
Moze biti, nesto si mi poznat.

Vjerujes li u ljubav na prvi pogled ili zelis da jos jednom prodjem ispred tebe?

Nasmijesi se! To je druga najljepsa stvar koju znas da napravis sa
svojim usnama.

Sta rade pilici u kafani? Piju piju piju piju...

Sta je bolje od Red Bula? Red sunke, red sira...

Nikad me neces prevariti kao sto je tebe priroda.

MUSKARCI IMAJU PROBLEM ZA SVAKO RJESENJE!!!

Ja ti nisam muskarac za jednu noc. Meni je dosta i jedan sat.

Nemoj da mislis da bih ja s tobom samo u krevet. I kuhinjski sto bi bio dobar.

Mene ne zanima novac i slava. Zanima me samo novac.

JA NISAM DEBELA - JA SAM ZENA I PO.

Ovdje ni lokum nije rahat

This Kid will go far…

This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald’s restaurant in Florida; and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME:  Greg Bulmash.

SEX:  Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION:  Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:  Yes.  

LAST POSITION HELD:  Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY:  Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  My incredible collection of stolen pens and ‘post-it’ notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:  It sucked.

AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. That’s why I’m applying.

PREFERRED HOURS:  1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:  Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:  If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO 50lbs?:  50lbs. of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:  I think the appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:  I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?:  On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:  Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE:  Aries.