These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are
  things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
  published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm
  while the exchanges were taking place.

 >
 > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
 > morning?
 > WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
 > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
 > WITNESS: My name is Susan!
 > ______________________________ _________________________
 > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
 > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
 > ______________________________ ________________________
 > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
 > WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
 > ______________________________ _______________________
 > ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
 > WITNESS: July 18th.
 > ATTORNEY: What year?
 > WITNESS: Every year.
 > ______________________________ _______________________
 > ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
 > WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
 > ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
 > WITNESS: Forty-five years.
 > ______________________________ ____________________________
 > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
 > WITNESS: Yes.
 > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
 > WITNESS: I forget..
 > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
 > forgot?
 > ______________________________ ______________________________ _____
 > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
 > sleep,
 > he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
 > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
 > ______________________________ ______
 >
 > ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
 > WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
 > ______________________________ _____________
 > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
 > WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
 > ______________________________ ___________
 > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
 > WITNESS: Yes.
 > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
 > WITNESS: Getting laid
 > ______________________________ ______________
 >
 > ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
 > WITNESS: Yes.
 > ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
 > WITNESS: None.
 > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
 > WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
 > new attorney?
 > ______________________________ ______________
 > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
 > WITNESS: By death..
 > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
 > WITNESS: Take a guess.
 > ______________________________ _____________
 >
 > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
 > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
 > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
 > WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
 > ______________________________ _______
 > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
 > deposition
 > notice which I sent to your attorney?
 > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
 > ______________________________ ________
 > ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on
 > dead
 > people?
 > WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
 > ______________________________ ___________
 > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
 > go to?
 > WITNESS: Oral...
 > ______________________________ ___________
 > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
 > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
 > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
 > WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
 > ______________________________ ______________
 > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
 > WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
 > ______________________________ ________
 > And last:
 >
 > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
 > a
 > pulse?
 > WITNESS: No.
 > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
 > WITNESS: No.
 > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
 > WITNESS: No..
 > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
 > began the autopsy?
 > WITNESS: No.
 > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
 > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
 > ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
 > nevertheless?
 > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
 > practicing law.
 >

 

 

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