Primus - My Name is Mud

My name is mud
Not to be confused with bill or jack or pete or dennis
My name is mud and it's always been
'cause I'm the most boring sons-a-bitch you've ever seen
I dress in blue-yes navy blue
From head to toe I'm rather drab except my patent shoes
I make 'em shine, well most the time
'cept today my feet are troddin' on by this friend of mine
Six foort two and rude as hell
I got to get him in the ground before he starts to smell
My name is mud

My name is mud, but call me alowishus devadander abercrombie
That's long for mud so I've been told
Told that by this sonsabitch that lies before me bloated blue
and cold
I've got my pride, I drink my wine
I'd drink the finest except I haven't earned a dime in several
months
Or were it years
The breath on that fat bastard could bring any man to tears
We had our words, a common spat
So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat
My name is mud

Primus - Bob

I had a friend that took a blet, took a blet and hung himself
Hung himself in the doorway of the apartment where he lived
His woman and his little bro came home from the grocery store
Only to find him dangling in the apartment where he lived

I had a friend who shaved his head
Put his Doctor Martins on
And drew such wondrous pictures in the apartment where he lived
He praised my creativity, though he spoke sarcastically
Oh, the conversations in the apartment where he lived

I had a friend that took a blet, took a belt and hung himself
Hung himself in the doorway of the apartment where he lived
Rock, she thought him spiteful; Ler, he thought him pitiful
Me, I've never been back to the apartment where he lived

Primus - Dmv

I've been to hell. I spell it...I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
Stood there and I've waited and choked back the urge to scream
And if I had my druthers I'd screw a chimpanzee-call it
pointless

When I need relief I spell it THC
Perhpas you may know vaguely what I mean
I sit back and smoke away huge chunks of memory
As I slowly inflict upon myself a full lobotomy-call it
pointless

Barbecues, tea kettles, gobs of axle grease
There comes a time for every man to sail the seas of cheese
Now, life's a bowl of bagel dogs, but there are unpleasantries
Cold toilet seats, dentist chairs and trips to DMV-call it
pointless

I've been to hell. I spell it...I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
I've stood in line and waited near an hour and fifteen
And if I had my druthers I'd screw that chimpanzee-call it
pointless

Primus - Hamburger Train

It's the guy from the hamburger train, mate!

Primus - Pork Soda
Now listen up you know ya come home from working that nine to
five and
Lay yourself down on burgundy couch, you know, it never really
was
Burgundy. it was red, and you painted with the goddamn sprinkler
and
Now you have bits and pieces of burgundy stuck to your but every
time
You get off of it. you never tell your family, you never tell
your
Family because, you know, ol' junior, he's got no brains, and
what can
You do? what can you do?
(and old junior, you know, got a little crazy
With that p.b.j. that one day...? ? )

Chorus
Grab yourself a can of pork soda
You'll be feeling just fine
Ain't nothin' quite like sittin' 'round the house
Swillin' down them cans of swine

Ha ha ha! yes, dad�s an idiot alright!

Well, alright, I'm really starting to worry about you. you had
to have
That two-car garage with the large driveway so you could park
that
Goddamn boat in it. if it wasn't for the boat (blah blah blah)

Chorus

I like kansas wine...

Well, maybe it's something simpler, like your team lost or your
Girlfriend used to be a guy, you know, I don't know. I
mean...(blah
Blah blah)

Primus - The Air is Getting Slippery

It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here
The air is getting slipper and it's not to my surprise
My heart, it beats irregularly and the sweat it fills my eyes
I do not mind what I excrete 'cause
I'm here to make a buck
And those that cannot take the heat can take a flying...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here

The dogs are barking merrily as jerry sits on high
If you've studied your floyd property, you'd know that pigs
could fly
Now if you want an encore you might hear it is luck
But me, I'd rather play residents, 'cause I don't give a...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here

Now, fatty, he's a hell of a guy but he sweats like a dancing
mule
He likes to hang out at checker gas with the chets he knew from
high school
He sold enough crystal meth to buy a stepside truck
But if you ask me twice I'd say the boy ain't worth a...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here

The act of perspiration is far beyond control
If the heat compels to aspirate please try not to miss the bowl
If sweatiness makes you horny, well darlin' I think you're in
luck
'cause all this clever banter gives me the urge to fuck

Primus - The Ol' Diamond Back Sturgeon

The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day
Rooting and sniffing and urging to spawn
In the mud flats of san pablo bay

A scent came around so he followed his snout
He found what was to his surprise
A golden morsel, a tidbit, a tight bunch of grass shrimp
Was there right before this buck's eyes

He circle round twice and he took a big whiff
Then sucked up this savory meal
Then came a jolt and to the diamondback's surprise
Through his lips cut the cold, barbed steel

In a panic the old diamondback sped to the north
He sped to the east, west and south
But the harder he swam, he still could not break free
From the "tugging" that pulled at his mouth

The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day

Primus - The Pressman

By the light of the lamp I sit to type-my notes on tab at my side
I don't see the sun much these days
A fluorescent tan covers my hide
How much impact shall I have this time?
My goal today is to reac the deadline
I write between the lines
I deal with fantasy
I report the facts
Give them to me, please

Ham and egg sald on white bread keeps me company on nights like
this
A pack of metholated cigarettes keeps my air nice and thick
When I write, words flow like coins from a candy box
Get out of my way
I've got something to say

The pulse is beating louder now
The cramps in my hands grow more intense with each
Tik, tik, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap on the keys
My social life is at an end so it seems to be
Why don't I trample on your lawn today?
I'll take skies of blue, turn over skies of grey
I write between the lines
I deal with fantasy
I am the pressman
Acknowledge me

Mother always told me never stray too far from home
The little lady said, "boy, you'll never have to be alone,
Because,"
You build with fountain pen
You create the memory stain
You are the pressman
Stand up straight, boy

Primus - Welcome to This World

Oh, welcome to this world of fools
Of pink champagne and swimming pools
Well, all you have to lose is your virginity
Perhaps we'll have some fun tonight so stick around and take a
bite of life
We don't need feebleness in this proximity

Ask good macduff and donalbain, so many good ideas are slain
By those who would dare not step out of line
But if I have my way tonight and chances are I think I might-
I'll turn those sour minds to grapes of wine

Chorus
Welcome to this world

Don't judge the boy by what you hear
The words are heard beyond the ear
The heart and mind are focus for this conversation
But be abound in mystery for that so much you do to me
For there are those who drown in adulation

Chorus

If I had a dime for each time that I heard them preach
Well I'd have wicked thoughts upon my brain

John the fisherman

When he was young
you'd not find him doing well in school.
His mind would turn unto the waters.
Always the focus of adolescent ridicule,
He has no time for farmer's daughters.
Alienated from the clique society,
A lonely boy finds peace in fishing.
His mother says,
"John this is not the way life's supposed to be."
"Don't you see the life that you are missing?"

And he says...

When I grow up I want to be,
one of the harvesters of the sea.
I think before my days are done,
I want to be a fisherman.

Now years gone by we find man that rules the sea.
He sets out on a dark May morning .
To bring his catch back to this small community.
He doesn't see the danger dawning.
Four hours up, oh the ocean swelled and swelled,
The fog rolled in it started raining.
"The starboard bow." "Oh my God we're going down!"
The do not hear his frantic mayday.

And he says...