Josie
Yeah
My girlfriend
Takes me home when I'm too drunk to drive
And she doesn't get all jealous when I hang out with the guys
She laughs at my dumb jokes when no one does
She brings me mexican food from Sombrero just because
Yeah, just because

And my girlfriend
Likes UL and DHC
And she's so smart and independent, I don't think she needs me
Quite half as much as I know I need her
I wonder why there's not another guy that she'd prefer

And when I feel like giving up
Like my world is falling down
I show up at 3am
She's still up watching Vacation
And I see her pretty face
It takes me away to a better place and

(I know that everything) Everything's gonna be fine
(I know that everything) Everything's gonna be fine

Yeah, my girlfriend
Takes collect calls from the road
And it doesn't seem to matter that I'm lacking in the bulge
She laughs at my dumb jokes when no one does
She brings me Mexican food from Sombrero just because

And when I feel like giving up
Like my world is falling down
I show up at 3am
She's still up watching Vacation
And I see her pretty face
It takes me away to a better place and

(I know that everything) Everything's gonna be fine
(I know that everything) Everything's gonna be fine

A New Hope
I've got her in my head
At night when I go to bed
And I know it sounds lame, but
She's the girl of my dreams

And of course I'd do anything for her
I'd search the moons of Endor
I'd even walk naked through
The deserts of Tatooine

Princess Leia, where are you tonight?
And who's laying there by your side?
Every night I fall asleep with you
And I wake up alone

And even though I'm not as cool as Han
I still want to be your man
You're exactly the kind of
Alderranian that I need

But when you were available, I was
Drinking Colt 45's with Lando
I was hanging out in the cantina
On Mos Eisley

Princess Leia, where are you tonight?
And who's laying there by your side?
Every night I fall asleep with you
And I wake up alone

Princess Leia
Princess Leia

Princess Leia, where are you tonight?
And who's laying there by your side?
Every night I fall asleep with you
And I wake up alone

Degenerate
Crossed the street, naked at night
Bent over to show some moonlight
Pulled out some beer and I gulped it down
Nude in a gutter is how I was found

Thrown in the policecar and the door slammed
No noise, just silence, as I screamed, my Dick was
Jammed, now in prison for one month, no one to see
All I got is a guy Ben Dover

Don't like hesh, don't like rap
Kicked ol' Sally 'cause she's fat
I'm a jerk, I'm a punk
Took a shower 'cause I stunk
Smoked a bong, killed a cat
Had my nuts attacked by rats
Dad got nude, I wore a thong
For a hobby I make bombs

Went to a farm to tip some cows
Forgot that I left my pants down
Bent over to pick them up
Felt a twelve gauge up my hum-diddy-dum

The farmer took me to his house
Showed me the closet from the inside out
The police came, they took me away
Saw Ben Dover again and he's still gay

Don't like hesh, don't like rap
Kicked ol' Sally 'cause she's fat
I'm a jerk, I'm a punk
Took a shower 'cause I stunk
Smoked a bong, killed a cat
Had my nuts attacked by rats
Dad got nude, I wore a thong
For a hobby I make bombs

Don't like hesh, don't like rap
Kicked ol' Sally 'cause she's fat
I'm a jerk, I'm a punk
Took a shower 'cause I stunk
Smoked a bong, killed a cat
Had my nuts attacked by rats
Dad got nude, I wore a thong
For a hobby I make bombs

Lemmings
A freight train to the right, feeling that sting of pride
It's fucking with me, it's fucking with you
All's fair in love and war until you say it isn't but you're wrong

Words on the back of flyers, my clothes are in the dryer
It means nothing, nothing is changing
La familia is dead and gone, the children grew up and moved on

Is it too much to ask for the things to work out this time?
I'm only asking for what is mine
I wanted everything, I got it and now I'm gonna
Throw it away, I'll throw it away yeah

Prime select and a box of glazed, pulling flybys on days
When we were young and innocent
Elbow-drop Sundays when Mark Eaton got beat to shit

Laughing at the bands we hate, all the spots we used to skate
They're still there, but we've gone our own ways
I know it's for the best but sometimes I wonder
Will I ever have friends like you again?

Is it too much to ask for the things to work out this time?
I'm only asking for what is mine
I wanted everything, I got it and now I'm gonna
Throw it away, I'll throw it away yeah

Is it too much to ask for the things to work out this time?
I'm only asking for what is mine
I wanted everything, I got it and now I'm gonna
Throw it away, I'll throw it away yeah

You're gonna drown in the mess you make
Your self-inflicted hate
You turn your back on the friends you lose
When they don't follow all your rules

But people are what they wanna be
They're not lemmings to the sea
Maybe it's time you looked at yourself
And stop blaming life on someone else

I'm Sorry
Don't bide your time
'Cause it is almost over
I know you're down
And I'll see you around

And I know it hurts
You're just getting older
And I know you'll win
You'll do it once again

Just yesterday
It always seemed like such a dream
We're unstoppable, indestructible
Nothing happens to our machine
And there's no harm
At least nothing we can see
As for you, not so true
You couldn't choose where this road would lead

What a loss
You just lost all your sleep
And we've always thought
That this could never happen, you see

That it's so hard
You gotta get up on your feet
'Cause the only way, I gotta say
Is to move on through the week

Don't bide your time
'Cause it is almost over
I know you're down
And I'll see you around

And I know it hurts
But you're just getting older
I know you'll win
You'll do it once again

Don't bide your time
'Cause it is almost over
I know you're down
And I'll see you around

And I know it hurts
But you're just getting older
And I know you'll win
You'll do it once again

Dumpweed
It's understood, I said it many ways
Too scared to run, I'm too scared to stay
I said I'd leave, I could never leave her
And if I did, you know I'd never cheat her

But this I ask, it's what I want to know
How would you feel, if I should choose to go
Another guy, you think it'd be unlikely
Another guy, you think he'd wanna fight me

She's a dove, she's a fucking nightmare
Unpredictable, it was my mistake to stay here
On the go, it's way too late to play
I need a girl that I can train

I heard it once, I'm sure I heard it twice
My dad used to give me all of his advice
He would say "you gotta turn your back and run now
Come on, son, you haven't got a chance now"
She's a dove, she's a fucking nightmare
Unpredictable, it was my mistake to stay here
On the go and it's way too late to play
I need a girl that I can train

She's a dove, she's a fucking nightmare
Unpredictable, it was my mistake to stay here
On the go and it's way too late to play
I need a girl that I can train

Need a girl that I can train
Need a girl that I can train
Turn your back and run now
You haven't got a chance now

Need a girl that I can train
Need a girl that I can train
Turn your back and run now
You haven't got a chance now

Don't Leave Me
Don't leave me all alone
Just drop me off at home
I'll be fine, it's not the first
Just like last time, but a little worse

And she said that I'm not the one that she thinks about and
She said it stopped being fun, I just bring her down
I said "don't let your future be destroyed by my past"
She said "don't let my door hit your ass"

One more chance, I'll try this time
I'll give you yours, I won't take mine
I'll listen up, pretend to care
Go on ahead, I'll meet you there

And she said that I'm not the one that she thinks about and
She said it stopped being fun, I just bring her down
I said "don't let your future be destroyed by my past"
She said "don't let my door hit your ass"

Let's try this one more time with feeling
One more time with feeling
One more time with feeling
One more time with feeling

She said that I'm not the one that she thinks about and
She said it stopped being fun, I just bring her down
I said "don't let your future be destroyed by my past"
She said "don't let my door hit your ass"

Don't leave me all alone
Just drop me off at home
And I'll be fine

Aliens Exist
Hey mom, there's something in the backroom
Hope it's not the creatures from above
You used to read me stories, as if my dreams were boring
We all know conspiracies are dumb

What if people knew that these were real (real)
I'd leave my closet door open all night
I know the CIA would say "what you hear is all hearsay"
Wish someone would tell me what was right

Up all night long
And there's something very wrong
And I know it must be late
Been gone since yesterday
I'm not like you guys
I'm not like you

I am still the skeptic, yes, you know me (you know me)
Been best friends and will be 'til we die (die)
I got an injection of fear from the abduction
My best friend thinks I'm just telling lies, alright

Up all night long
And there's something very wrong
And I know it must be late
Been gone since yesterday
I'm not like you guys
I'm not like you

Dark and scary, ordinary
Explanation, information
Nice to know ya, paranoia
Where's my mother, biofather

Up all night long
And there's something very wrong
And I know it must be late
Been gone since yesterday
I'm not like you guys
Twelve majestic lies

Going Away To College
Please take me by the hand
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light

Just don't forget to
Think about me
And I won't forget you
"I'll write you once a week", she said

Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game
Then I must have missed the kick off

Don't depend on me
To ever follow through on
Anything, but
I'd go through Hell for you and

I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared, so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me

I'll think about the times
She kissed me after class and
She put up with my friends
I acted like an ass

I'd ditch my lecture
To watch the girls play soccer
Is my picture
Still hanging in her locker?

I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared, so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful

I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared, so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful

Whats My Age Again?
I took her out, it was a Friday night
I wore cologne to get the feeling right
We started makin' out and she took off my pants
But then, I turned on the TV

And that's about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
And are still more amused by TV shows
What the hell is ADD, my friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

Then later on, on the drive home
I called her mom from a pay phone
I said I was the cops and your husband's in jail
This state looks down on sodomy

And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
And are still more amused by prank phone calls
What the hell is call ID, my friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

And that's about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
And you still act like you're in freshman year
What the hell is wrong with me, my friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?

That's about the time that she broke up with me (what's my age again?)
No one should take themselves so seriously
With many years ahead to fall in line
Why would you wish that on me, I'll never wanna act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

What's my age again...