"Heart Over Head"

I had a will of iron.
I had a heart of steel.
I always call the shots.
But, honey, you shoot to kill.
I've spent a hundred other nights like this.
A little laughter and a stranger's kiss.

But the next thing that I knew,
I was heart over head
over heart over head over you.
It's too late to stop it now.
I'm heart over head
over heart over head over you.

I never once imagined
a night like this before,
that love would last for hours,
and still I begged for more.
If I sound a little crazy,
well, forgive me, please.
My head is swimmin'
and I'm on my knees

cryin', "Love me, love me, do!"
Because I'm heart over head
over heart over head over you.
Too late to stop it now.
I'm heart over head
over heart over head over you.

Can't seem to slow down.
Can't even touch the ground.
The harder I try,
the higher I fly.

I'm fallin' heart over head
over heart over head over you.
Where did you get your touch?
I'm heart over head
over heart over head over you.
I like it much too much.
Heart over head
over heart over head over you.
Too late to stop it now.
I'm heart over head
over heart over head over you . . .

"Let Me Drive"

Honey, you're from Detroit.
You know a lot about wheels.
A summertime hot rod's givin' me the brake job.
Don't you stop 'til I start to squeal.
'Cause, baby, I love your body
as much as your automobile.
But I need more than a tune up.
I'll take you with the moon up.

Just let me drive. Mmm, let me drive.
I wanna feel the power comin' alive.
Darlin', let me drive. Mmm, let me drive.
Let me behind the wheel.
I wanna know how your hot rod feels.

Honey, I hear you're the expert.
You can keep me at the edge of my seat.
Take me through a tight turn, keep me at a slow burn.
feet to the floor and I feel the heat.
And, baby, they say you'll deliver
lovin' up and down the street.
But it's your turn to be driven.
C'mon and slide over.

Get in and let me drive. Mmm, let me drive.
I wanna feel all that power comin' alive.
Darlin', let me drive. Mmm, let me drive.
Let me behind the wheel.
I wanna know how your hot rod feels.

Baby, don't ask directions.
Who needs a map when there's time to ride?
Baby, you're hands are shakin'.
Give me the keys, turn on the lights.
I'm gonna burn out this road tonight.

Ooooh, let me drive. Mmm, let me drive.
I wanna feel your power comin' alive.
And darlin', let me drive. Mmm, let me drive.
Let me behind the wheel.
I wanna know how your hot rod feels.

Let me drive. Oooh, let me drive.
Let me behind the wheel.
I wanna know how your hot rod feels.
Let me drive. Let me drive.
Let me behind the wheel . . .

"My Eye On You"

Your hair's so fair, your eye's so dark.
I love you hard as my life.
You pass me by as though I were a stone.
You cut me like a knife.

Boy, I do. I got my eye on you.
Got my eye on you.

I'm walking down by the water's edge.
Feel like I'm coming apart.
I'm so afraid of this jealous rage
that's taken hold of my heart.

And, boy, I do. I got my eye on you.
Boy, I do. I got my eye on you.

Boy! Now I, I've reached the end,
end of the line.
Baby, here's a kiss
to remember me by!

Boy, I do. I got my eye on you.
My eye on you.

I had a dream I was dressed in white.
The witness swears on the stand.
They caught me cryin' in the street last night.
The gun was still in my hand.

And, Boy, I do. I got my eye on you.
Boy, I do. I got my eye on you.
Got my eye on you!
My eye on you!
My eye on you.
My eye on you.
My eye on you.
My eye on you.
My eye on you.
My eye on you.
My eye on you.
Yes, I do, babe.
My eye on you.

"Beast Of Burden"

Now write this down!

I'll never be your beast of burden.
My back is broad, but it's a' hurtin'.
All I want is for you to make love to me.

I'll never be your beast of burden.
I walk for miles, my feet are hurtin'.
All I want is for you to make love to me.

What's the matter with me?
Ain't I hot enough? Ain't I rough enough?
Ain't I rich enough? I'm not too blind to see. Ohh, ohhh.

I'll never be your beast of burden.
So let's go home and draw the curtains.
Put some music on the radio.
C'mon, baby, make some love to me.

Oh, what's the matter with me?
Ain't I hot enough? Ain't I rough enough?
Ain't I rich enough? I'm not too blind to see. Ohh, ohhh.

My little sister is a pretty pretty girl.
My little sister is a pretty pretty girl.
She loves to ride. She loves to crawl.
They love to take her out behind the garden wall.

And when they're done they just throw her away.
And she don't have an awful lot to say.
It hurts her so bad to come to the end.
I re, I remember all the times she spent sayin', "Please!"

Ain't I hot enough? Ain't I rough enough?
Ain't I rich enough? I'm not too blind to see. Ohh, ohhh.
Ohh. Ohhhh.

I'll never be your beast of burden.
My back is broad, baby, but it's a' hurtin'.
And all I want is you to make love to me.

What's the matter, what's the matter with me?
Ain't I hot enough? Oooh, yeah, ain't I rough enough?
Oooh, yeah, ain't I rich enough, rich enough, rich enough,
too blind to see? Too blind, too blind, ohhhh!

I'll never be your beast of burden.
I walk for miles, honey, my feet are hurtin'.
And all I want . . .

"Soda And A Souvenir"

Don't start talking the poetry, darlin'.
That's not what I wanna hear tonight.
I'm just a girl with moonlight in my eyes.
I want a soda and a souvenir.
Yes, I'm just a girl with moonlight in my eyes.

Don't start whispering the sweet things, darlin'.
Your words are dangerously clear tonight.
I'm just a girl with moonlight in my eyes.
I want a soda and a souvenir.
Just a girl with moonlight in my eyes.

Watch what you say, I'll remember it always.
It's so easy for me to fall.
If only you knew, you might not say anything at all.
And I'm just a girl with moonlight in my eyes.

Don't start singin' them love songs, darlin'.
I believe every word that I hear tonight.
I'm a girl with moonlight in my eyes.
I want a soda and a souvenir.
Yes, I'm just a girl with moonlight in my eyes.
Just a girl with that moonlight in my eyes.

"Come Back, Jimmy Dean"

I read the paper and I hear the news.
I search the heavens vainly for clues.
Where has he gone to, and where can he be?
I need someone, we need someone.
Come back, Jimmy Dean.

Yesterday morning I read in the Times,
things cost a dollar that once cost a dime.
And everyone's lonely 'cause everyone's free.
I need someone. We need someone.
Come back, Jimmy Dean.

All our loves are loved and lost.
Our hearts all hung with rust.
All the golden birds and lads all must,
like chimney sweeps, come to dust.

I'll pour a drink; adjust my TV,
and stare at the shadows that stare out at me.
I have no expectations, oh, but occasionally
I need someone. You were someone.
Come back, Jimmy Dean.
I need someone. You were someone.
Please come back, Jimmy Dean.

"Fat As I Am"

Fat as I am.
Who wants to see a diva fat as I am?
I get mistaken now for Lainie Kazan.
How is it that I'm fat as I am?

Fat as I am.
The camera's gonna add a ton to my can.
This is the way they say Godzilla began.
How did I get as fat as I am?

"Try it again."
All of my friends say I should diet again;
That all my fans are gonna riot again.
"Look what happened to Liz."

All of my sins
are not as numerous as . . . all of my chins!
I could audition for the doublemint twins.
No one in the biz is as fat as I is.

Ah, but what's a career
when you put it next to knockwurst and beer?
They could park a DC10 on my rear.
God knows I got the gas!

There goes the chair.
But to tell the truth, I'm too fat to care!
I ate a meatball off the floor right over there.
Ah, you don't give a damn
when you're fat as I am!

"I'm Singing Broadway"

I'm singing Broadway and I love it!
I'm singing Broadway and I'm proud!
You can keep your Springsteen.
Shove your Chaka.
I really don't care for that kind of kaka.
Ethel, Liza, Chita, that's my crowd, my crowd!

Yes-sah, I'm singing Broadway and it's heaven!
'Cause "Heaven" is a song from a Broadway show!
Ah, just give me a part that's got laughter and tears
and I'll beat it like Yul Brenner for the next thousand years!
Ah, Broadway, Broadway, Broadway! Brrrrrravo!

Ahhh, who needs a girl who's got flourescent hair,
or an ugly boy singing off key?
Give me a broad who's got tits out to there,
belching it out to the balcony!

AhhhAHHHHHHHH!!!!
Yes, sir! I'm singing Broadway and it's heaven!
I'll be singing Broadway, yes, 'til I die!
Just tell me what could be better
than shaking your buns
in front of a chorus
of thirty-five nuns?
I'll climb every mountain
and ford every river I see.
A Lady and her muszack,
Ha-that's ha-me! Yeah!

"Otto Titsling"

"This next story is a true story.
It concerns two of my favorite subjects:
industrial theft . . . and-a t-ts!
Mmm, what a combo! This is the story . . .
The inventor of the modern foundation garment
that we women wear today was a German scientist
and opera lover by the name of Otto Titsling!
This is a true story.
His name was Otto Titsling.
What happened to Otto Titsling shouldn't happen to a schnauzer.
It's a very sad story. I feel I have to share it with you."

Otto Titsling, inventor and kraut,
had nothing to get very worked up about.
His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak.
He fled to the opera at least twice a week.

One night at the opera he saw an Aida
who's t-ts were so big they would often impede her.
Bug-eyed he watched her fall into the pit,
done in by the weight of those terrible t-ts.

Oh, my god! There she blows!
Aerodynamically this bitch was a mess.
Otto eyeballed the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,
and he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration
flood his soul. He knew what he had to do!
He ran back to his workshop
where he futzed and futzed and futzed.

For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
to lift and mold the female breast;
to point the small ones to the sky;
to keep the big ones high and dry!

Every night he'd sweat and snort
searching for the right support.
He tried some string and paper clips.
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!

Well, he stitched and he slaved
and he slaved and he stitched
until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning,
Otto arose from his workbench triumphant.
Yes! He had invented the worlds first
over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Hooray!

Exhausted but ecstatic he ran
down the street to the diva's house
bearing the prototype in his hot little hand.
Now, the diva did not want to try the darn thing on.
But, after many initial misgivings,
she finally did.
And the sigh of relief that issued forth
from the diva's mouth
was so loud that it was mistaken by some
to be the early onset of the Siroccan Winds
which would often roll through the Schwarzwald
with a vengeance!
Ahhhhh-i!

But little did Otto know,
at the moment of his greatest triumph,
lurking under the diva's bed
was none other than the very worst
of the French patent thieves,
Philippe DeBrassiere.
And Phil was watching the scene
with a great deal of interest!

Later that night, while our Brun Hilda slept,
into the wardrobe Philippe softly crept.
He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore,
'til he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door.

Crying, "Oh, my god! What joy! What bliss!
I'm gonna make me a million from this!
Every woman in the world will wanna buy one.
I can have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."

"Oh, thank you!"

The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:
Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?

"Ohhh! Thank you!"

"Wind Beneath My Wings"

Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohhh.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.