"Take Her To The Music Store"
 
"You break my heart into a thousand pieces
And you say it's because I deserve better?"
[Joey, "Dawson's Creek" - Season 4 - "Promicide"]

Emotionless grey skies bleed somber dreams of sorrow
Blackened unseen heart tears a virgins godlike
Innocence from its pristine palace
Paint sarcastic smiles upon new wounds
Tears of misery stain scar filled minds
Hatred new like tomorrow flows from bitter memories
Purity now embraced by sinful ideals why
Lifeless tomb rests weary with prowling peering eyes
Silence falls upon deaf ears covered by night
Alone in thought, shaking
Biting tongues of lead at unfit moments
Screaming disbelief with no faith in site

(and her disgust has no borders, no limits to strive for,
She bends and breaks to the rules set by the weak)

She's finally seen she's a beautiful girl
With a smile so grand she could stop the world
Stolen her skin he sews her mouth shut,
Means nothing to him, her screams just die out
As she cries out here voice dies out
As she cries out her voice dies out
Love once inside her heart, lay in my hands
Was it asked for?
Was it implied?
What could have been done?
Inside her mind dies.

"Switch"
 
Darkness chokes my emotions
Your breath numbs my soul
Stand with me, by my side
Take my hand and lead the way
Out from the shadows and into the real world
Show me how to live a life owned by regret
My blood runs cold, lifeless in shame
Now is the time, to right the wrong
Inside my veins, poison words lie
Within a mind as guilty as yours
Take what is left inside of me
I've no use for it
Stained with thoughts uncaring, open and let me in
(it spun my head when I thought you were talking to me,
I guess I'm just a fool for thinking your thinking of me,
And now, I press my fist to the pillows wishing it was your teeth)
Show your world, deceit
Let me live as you, Need not to feel
Emotions rain down
Drowned by innocence, thoughts escape me
Harsh words spit blindly and open paths of life
Take all that is me, a lifeless somber soul
Curse the day you wake as solace sets in
Darkness chokes my emotions
Your breath numbs my soul
Stand with me, by my side
Take my hand, and lead the way
Out from the shadows and into my world
(My soul is not for you to own)
I will not live life to see your face anymore

"Reflections"
 
I felt you slip away
Far away from me
Further from me
I felt you slip, away
Caught myself, wishing you back,
As I try to catch you
Anger swells inside me
I see me, frowning, in your eyes

(I see the fear in you, where no one should ever be,
I'm here for you, as I try, to guide through)
I see my reflection
And the pain, inside me,
As I find...
As I try, catch you
From
Everything hurts me less and less until I feel nothing!

Anger swells inside me
I see me, frowning in your eyes
Slip away
Far away from me
Further from me
You seem to drift far away
Caught myself wishing you back
As I try

(let's go!)

She said, it's not that, I don't love you anymore,
It would be so much more accurate to say,
I never loved you in the first place,
Never in the first place,

I put the fear you should ever be
Nothing to me, everything you
Nothing to me, everything you
Nothing to me, everything you
Nothing to me, everything you

(I can't take it anymore when I'm with you I feel like I'm nothing,
I feel like I'm nothing, that's why I don't like it when you touch me,
That's why I never touch you, that's why I never even think about you,
'cause when I start it reminds me that I'm just not good enough)

You're nothing to me
You're nothing to me
You're nothing to me
You're nothing to me

"Eulogy For An Angel"
 
In a world of despair, our lives will end
Some without warning, while others die by design
Under watchful eyes, we tread on evil ground,
With jaded eyes around us each step is scrutinized
(in the pouring rain, we speed this car, I try so hard,
Wish I was more prepared for this time,
You shouldn't have passed before me)
In this life we lead, a choice will be made
Where we go from here, when our time is done
At the gates of heaven, angels stare at us
May they lead you home to where you'll live in peace?
You take without warning
(I'll shut myself up and black out the windows)
As we sit and wait
(it's best to consider me dead as well)
Breath in take a life
(I'm hoping in time I'll get over)
Breath out, cleanse your soul
(I might be fine when I get older... no way)
You took her life
I gave you mine, to ease the pain of my soul,
To show you how much shes meant to me
I will fight for our lives and take them to our graves
In a world of despair, our lives will end
Some with out warning, while others die by design
Under watchful eyes we tread on evil ground,
With jaded eyes around us, each step is scrutinized
I will defy you
The evil from above
Open my mind
Let you in
I will not forgive the sins you made
You took her life from me.

"Short Stories With Tragic Endings"
 
Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
The look stapled on your face cries out for forgiveness,
The one thing that I cannot give.

(Did you ever see that one person
And the way they do these things
And it hurts you so much it's like choking choking choking
Down the embers)

I can give you freedom from your guilt,
With a flick of my wrist onto yours.
I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile.
I can give you death with the look upon my face.

This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
With no last kiss and no regrets;
You don't deserve good bye.
This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
With no last kiss and no good bye.

Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.

With a short story, the one you add to daily, you are the tragic loss.
No story book ending for this fairy tale of you.
Just the one composed with blood taken from your pen
That you hold in your lifeless hand.
Cry for you. Shed tears. Mourn. Wish the end.
Cry for you. Shed tears. Mourn. Wish the end.

(Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is
A reminder of what I'll never have
I'll never have... I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person
And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
And you let this one person come down, come down.
I cherish you... I cherish you.
Just say you would do the same for me.
Just say you would do the same for me.
Say you would do the same...
Just say you would do the same for me.
For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes.)

The Fiction We Live (2003)



1.   The After Dinner Payback
2.   Lilacs & Lolita
3.   No Trivia
4.   Milligram Smile
5.   The Second Wrong Makes You Feel Right
6.   Every Reason To
7.   Autumns Monologue
8.   Alive Out Of Habit
9.   All I Taste Is What's Her Name
10.   The Fiction We Live
11.   I'm The Best At Ruining My Life

"The After Dinner Payback"
 
I'm not wishing anymore
I'm not writing songs for you
I sleep better in the dark
I'm not doing this for you

This is because of you I don't believe
Tongue tied an institute of my relief
You're my, my reason to shame
(my reason to shame)

I'm not wishing anymore
I'm not writing songs for you
I sleep better in the dark
I'm not doing this for you

This is because of you I don't believe
Tongue tied an institute of my relief

One wish that this is over
You are all I waste today
(discarded worthless throw it away)

Will it tear you apart?
Will it?
Will it tear you apart?

(When I turn and walk away
Abandon, its not worth the effort
When Stalling means
Too fucking scared to create
Abandon, its not worth the effort
When stalling and too scared)

One wish that this is over
You are all I waste today
(discarded worthless throw it away)

Will it tear you apart?
Will it?
Will it tear you apart?

When I turn and walk away
I'm not holding onto this
I'm not wasting words on you
I sleep alone in spite of it
I'll do anything for you

This is because of you I feel relief
Tongue tied to investigate what I believe
You're my, my reason to blame (my reason to blame)

I'm not holding onto this
I'm not wasting words on you
I sleep alone in spite of it
I'll do anything for you

This is because of you I feel relief
Tongue tied to instigate what I believe
You're my, my reason to blame (my reason to blame)

"Lilacs & Lolita"
 
So I'm sorry,
As two hands open doors.
So I'm sorry,
Something serene to steal my life away.

Climbing on the way up,
Sizing up the competition,
Waiting for the right time,
Strike a chord and change your life.

Don't you ever think for one-second that
I will forget the reasons that i cried.
You are no more potent than words that choke me
I sit and ask you two words.

This is not a product,
We're not in a competition,
Waiting for the right time,
Strike a chord and change your life.

Regret's how i spell your name.
In light of what you have done.
How can you not feel the same?
My love will fade with the sun.
As days go by, shed a tear.
I hate your face more than life.
I'll fake a smile for (you) my dear.
So turn away.

Climbing on the way up,
Sizing up the competition,
Waiting for the right time,
Strike a chord and change your life.

"No Trivia"
 
M, 4, V, T, C and H
Might need to provide this number at the gate
Steady pilot because I'm half afraid
I can't believe youd ask me that
Of Course I dont believe in fate
Would you be depressed?
If I attend that wedding, but only as a guest
Such an unfaithful bride draped in dress
Spun with threads of my regret
Sing it loud to drown out the feeling
When you're feeling much more odd (even)
And half as true as dishonored seamen
We'll breathe Pacific and fight our demons
Would you be depressed?
If I attend that wedding, but only as a guest
Such an unfaithful bride draped in dress
Spun with threads of my regret
So arch your back
And flip your hair
Make eye contact so you know I care
You know I care
But only as a guest
Such an unfaithful bride draped in dress
Spun with threads of my regret

"Milligram Smile"
 
All my hopes and all of my dreams
Everything falling in between
Seems to me that the memories
(They) mean more to you than they do to me.
Through the sky and into your eyes.
(And I see everything falling in between)
Sew the lips right into your smile.
I'm OK with faking this,
I'll fake everything just to slip your kiss.
(If I'm a writer, and I'm a poet, I might love you,
But never show it
You should forget me, this is a long tour,
And I'll be back but, not in time for...)
(If all we speak is rational thought)
Everyday I pray for the sadness.
(My) eyes are black, my throat full of sickness
(Then I'll be listening but not for long)
Everyday I pray for the sadness.
(My) eyes are black, my throat full of sickness
(The words I write, are cheap and trite,
But they're drawn on the back of your door
Surrounded by, numbers that,
Remind of the ones before)
All my hopes and all of my dreams
Everything falling in between
Seems to me that the memories
(They) mean more to you than they do to me.
Through the sky and into your eyes.
(And I see everything falling in between)
Sew the lips right into your smile.
I'm OK with faking this,
I'll fake everything just to slip your kiss.
(The words I write, are cheap and trite,
But they're drawn on the back of your door
Surrounded by, numbers that,
Remind of the ones before)
My lips are cold.
The truth is told.