"Out Of Habit"

the butter melts out of habit
the toast isn't even warm
the waitress and the man in the plaid shirt
play out a scene they've played
so many times before
I am watching the sun stumble home in the morning
from a bar on the east side of town
and the coffee is just water dressed in brown
beautiful but boring
he visited me yesterday
he noticed my fingers
and asked me if I would play
I didn't really care a lot
but I couldn't think of a reason why not
I said if you don't come any closer I don't mind if you stay
my thighs have been involved in many accidents
and now I can't get insured
and I don't need to be lured by you
my cunt is built like a wound that won't heal
and now you don't have to ask
because you know how I feel
you know how I feel

art is why I get up in the morning
but my definition ends there
and it doesn't seem fair
that I'm living for something I can't even define
there you are right there
in the meantime

I don't want to play for you anymore
show me what you can do
tell me what are you here for
I want my old friends
I want my old face
I want my old mind
fuck this time and place

the butter melts out of habit
you know, the toast isn't even warm

"Letting The Telephone Ring"

I am letting the telephone ring
cause I don't want to know why
I don't want to hear you explain
I don't want to hear you cry
I have written so much about you
so much I thought I knew
words like water used to flow
now what could I possibly have to say?
she is someone I don't even know
and all the things that you've given to me
I see now were simply reparations
they were gifts of your guilt
they were my preparation
I know I should be mature
keep my feet on the floor
but for some reason,
I just don't want them anymore
I know this shouldn't be important
compared to you and I
but I can still hear my questions
and I can still hear you
I can still hear you
lie
now vicariously I have her in me
I want to peel off my skin
let the water wash in
you always said that I was hiding
that I was hiding from you
but you are capable of things I could not do
you are capable of things I could not do
I remember how you pretended
how you pretended to touch me
I remember how I couldn't bring myself to believe
I remember wondering,
what was wrong
what was wrong
how could I be so naive
how could I be so naive?

"Anticipate"

you are subtle as a window pane
standing in my view
but I will wait for it to rain
so that I can see you
you call me up at night
when there's no light passing through
and you think that I don't understand
but I do

we don't say everything that we could
so that we can say later
oh, you misunderstood
I hold my cards up
close to my chest
I say what I have to
and I hold back the rest

'cause someone you don't know
is someone you don't know
get a firm grip, girl
before you let go
for every hand extended
another lies in wait
keep your eye on that one
anticipate

dress down get out there
pick a fight with the police
we will get it all on film
for the new release
seems like everyone's an actor
or they're an actor's best friend
I wonder what was wrong to begin with
that they should all have to pretend
we lost sight of everything
when we have to keep checking our backs
I think we should all just smile
come clean
and relax

if there's anything I've learned
all these years on my own
it's how to find my own way there
and how to find my own way back home

"Rockabye"

tending the garden of noise
when I grow the traffic
and the churchbells
and the neighborhood boys
singing to myself
as the solitude sets in
in tune with the symphony
of south brooklyn
I sing

rockabye, rockabye baby
rockabye, the baby that is me
rockabye, rockabye baby
rockabye til I'm fast asleep

the tunnel is train torn
the tracks are worn and sore
I can feel the rattle
riding up through the floor
she jumped the turnstyle
he paid for his ride
I am the echo in the station
where their footfalls collide
I left her at the epicenter
we were trembling dutifully
I left him too
I left parts of me
singing rockabye...

I said today I am leaving
in every sense of the word
but I'm in love with your memory already
everything I've seen and heard
and I will go singing
as the solitude sets in
in time with the rythym
of everywhere I have been
it sounds like rockabye...

"Make Me Stay"

I'm gonna turn
and walk away
you can wait
til I am far along
then run and come
and catch my arm
and say you'd die
if I were gone
I want to hear you
call my name
it's too easy
just to say it soft
I don't like my language
watered down
I don't like my edges
rounded off

I can't always wait
for your circumstance to improve
love is loose it
shifts each time you move
go ahead, put my back
against the wall
give it all up
or don't give it to me at all
you never know this could be
our last night
so step back
step back into the light
so I can see your sillouette
I'm not done looking yet

safe the profile for the camera
give me your eye to eye
I know all your secrets
and you know all of mine
mostly I don't go
for the soft focus and the fantasy
I need something real
I can think
and say and see so

I'm going to turn
and walk away
you wait til I am far along
then run and come
and catch my arm
and say you'd die
if I were gone
yes I'm going to turn
and walk away
you can watch me go
or you can make me stay

"On Every Corner"

death
has been your lover
he has brought you
the edges of your life
and now you are looking over
and all we can say is
it's gonna be all right
and I am looking forward
to looking back on these days
when on every corner
someone holds a sign
that says I'm homeless
I'm hungry and
I have AIDS

how will they define our generation
in the coming decades
who will tell the story
and what will they say?
will they say the victims
were thought of as criminals
while the guilty sat on high
deciding their fate
ticking off statistics in their spare time
tell me,
which is the crime?

may you never test positive
pregnancy
HIV
may you never be the receptacle of blame
may you never be the scapegoat
for a whole
world full of shame
may you never be fighting for your life
and at the same time
have to fight for your name

there are too few who open both eyes
we sit back in our easy chairs
and we try to sympathize
whether from the point of a needle or
the edge of our beds
we too, like too many others,
could be dead
our actions
will define us
before a single definition can be said
yeah, so what if god is testing us
what if that's true
what are you going to do
what is the answer
to you

"Small World"

she was shaking and talking
louder and louder
each sentence was sifted
to a very fine powder
her face was wet and tight
her grip was cold and light
a strong wind could blow you down
I heard myself say
word up sister
a strong wind
could take me away

I said how long have
you been at large
they told me you were stashed
last time I asked
she said I've been out now
for all of three hours
I just resurfaced
and here you are
I must admit
that it has been hard
so far

I said skeletons are fine
your closet or mine
and we took turns recounting
the details of lost time
and when we had both
admitted it all
we threw our heads back
and laughed until we cried
we laughed because the world
is absurd and beautiful and small

there we were
washed up on the curb
as the rush hour traffic
went out with the tide
and I was aware that
with every word spoken and shared
I could see her shaking subside
I said sister looks to me
like you're going to be fine

"Roll With It"

She says my ass hurts
when I sit down
she says my feet hurt
from just standing around
I think my body
is as restless as my mind
and I don't know if I can roll with it
this time

packed his uniforms
and drove him to the base
she was crying all the way
the world looked her in the face
and said
roll with it, baby
make it your career
keep the home fires burning
till america is in the clear

the mainstream is so polluted with lies
once you get wet, it's so hard to get dry
we're all taught how to justify
history
as it passes by
and it's your world
that comes crashing down
when the big boys decide
to throw their weight around
but just roll with it baby
make it your career
keep the home fires burning
till america is in the clear

what if the enemy
isn't in a distant land
what if the enemy lies behind
the voice of command
the sound of war
is a child's cry
behind tinted windows,
they just drive by
all I know is that those
who are going to be killed
aren't those who preside
on capitol hill
I told him,
don't fill the front lines
of their war
those assholes aren't worth dying for
but he said
roll with it, baby
make it your career
keep the home fires burning
till america is in the clear

she says my ass hurts
when I sit down
she says my feet hurt
from just standing around
I think my body is as restless as my mind
and I'm not gonna roll with it this time
no, I'm not gonna roll with it this time

"Itch"

I am evening the score
I am cutting the umbilical cord
curled with my teeth against my knees
I am scratching at my consciousness
like a bitch with fleas
I think you'll be greatly pleased
to learn that yours was the hardest
itch to relieve

this is me
without my hair
welcome to my open stare
I got nothing to hide no more
why disguise what isn't there
I am an eyesore
I am a detour
you can find me crying on
the shoulder of the road
and I will tell you
what you want to hear
before you go
and that is that
yours was the hardest itch to relieve
yours was the hardest itch to relieve

I've mapped out my course
looks like it's all uphill
I've got a heavy heart to carry
but a very strong will
it's just hard to travel
in the shadow
of regret
in fact it's so hard
that I haven't actually left ye

"Gratitude"

thank you
for letting me stay here
thank you for taking me in
thank you
for the beer and the food
thank you
for loaning me bus fare
thank you for showing me around
that was a very kind thing to do
thank you
for the use of the clean towel
thank you for half of your bed
we can sleep here like brother and sister,
you said

but you changed the rules
in an hour or two
and I don't know what you
and your sisters do
but please don't
please stop
this is not my obligation
what does my body have to do
with my gratitude?

look at you
little white lying
for the purpose of justifying
what you're trying to do
I know that you feel my resistance
I know that you heard what I said
otherwise you wouldn't need the excuse

thank you
for letting me stay here
thank you for taking me in
I don't know where else
I would have turned
but I don't come and go
like a pop song
that you can play incessantly
and then foget when it's gone
you can't write me off
and you don't turn me on

so don't change the rules
in an hour or two
I don't know what you and your
sisters do
but please don't
please stop
this is not my obligation
what does my body have to do
with my gratitude?