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""Rihanna

Occult celebrity-spotters have noted that most of Rihanna’s recent videos blatantly employ the imagery of black/white checkerboards, one-eye-covered close-ups, as-above-so-below poses (one arm up, one arm down) and all the familiar trappings of bondage and sexual enslavement, but who’d have thought that the infernally catchy song “Umbrella” contained plenty of clues as to Rihanna’s mind-controlled status?

In fact, being “under the umbrella” is just another way of saying “possessed by the Devil”. Rapper Jay-Z’s opening invitation to Rihanna isn’t an offer of protection against life’s metaphorical lousy weather but could be interpreted as a coded invitation for her to join him as one of the ‘chosen’, the secret Illuminist elite who’ll ride out the storms of global recession (rhymes with possession… hmm), while the rest of us are just lizard-fodder for the conspiracy. Other lyrics – including the spooky occult chanting of “ella… ella” and the strange use of the word ‘entity’ seem to suggest that Rihanna is more than happy to be MK’d in return for Illuminati ‘protection’.

And there are plenty more clues in the video, where Rihanna appears in both white and black outfits (split into good and evil selves; check the album title – Good Girl Gone Bad), dances with a phallic umbrella and gets sprayed with gushes of CGI water – or, as the Vigilant Citizen website has it: “The liquid hits her a total of 6 times. We then see Rihanna naked, covered in chrome-coloured liquid. Rihanna has been raped by the Devil and covered with his semen.” Eww.

And an equally vigilant poster on YouTube spotted a subliminal image (at 2.46) in which the Devil-sauce-glazed pop star forms the image of Baphomet’s head within a pyramid: “Hair forms the snout, shoulders form the eyes, arms form the horns. Very ‘not cool’ playing with the subconscious minds of viewers like that!” Quite.""