How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake

Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
( SO SAYS MAN!!!!)

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
said, "I haven't eaten anything four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

jao genijalno...sad cu da prevedem....

Heh, navikli smo na feministicke tekstove red je da imperija uzvrati udarac

Ma je li? saMo ja da trpiM feMinisticke postove????

why is it grat to be a Man?





Movie nudity is virtually always feMale.

you know stuff about tanks.

your bathrooM lines are 80 percent shorter.

you can open all your own jars.

when clicking through tv channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of soMeone crying.

your arse is never a factor in a job interview.

guys in hockey Masks don't attack you.

you can go to the bathrooM without a support group.

you can kill your own food.

the garage is all yours.

you get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

the national college cheerleading chaMpionship.

if you're 34 and single, nobody notices.

you can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.

you can be president.

flowers fix everything.

you never have to worry about other people's feelings.

you get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.

you can wear a white shirt to a water park.

you never feel coMpelled to stop a pal froM getting laid.

the world is your urinal.

you never Misconstrue innocuous stateMents to Mean your lover is about to leave you.

you get to juMp up and slap stuff.

one Mood, all the tiMe.

you can adMire clint eastwood without starving yourself to look like hiM.

saMe work... More pay.

you don't have to leave the rooM to Make an eMergency crotch adjustMent.

with 400 Million sperM per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

you don't cry off others' desserts.

if you retain water, it's in a canteen.

the reMote is yours and yours alone.

people never glance at your chest when you're talking to theM.

you can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

bachelor parties beat the shit over bridal showers.

you can buy condoMs without the shopkeeper iMagining you naked.

soMeday you'll be a dirty old Man.

if another guy shows up at the party in the saMe outfit, you Might becoMe lifelong buddies.

there is always a gaMe on soMewhere.

you never have to Miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the Mood.

you think the idea of punting a sMall cat is funny.

if soMething Mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a haMMer and throw it across the rooM.

porn Movies are designed with your Mind in Mind.

your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: 'so... notice anything different?'

baywatch.

the occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

all your orgasMs are real!!!

Men will never win


if you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist. if you stay hoMe and do the housework, you are a pansy.

if you work too hard, there is never any tiMe for her..
if you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.

if she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it is exploitation. if you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your rear and find soMething better.

if you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.
if she gets job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

if you Mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassMent.
if you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

if you cry, you are a wimp.
if you don't, you are an insensitive bastard.

if you make a decision without consulting her, you are a chauvinist. if she makes a decision without consulting you, she's liberated woman.

if you ask her to do soMething she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. if she asks you, it's a favor.

if you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you are a pervert. if you don't, you are gay.

if you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you are a sexist. if you don't, you are unromantic.

if you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain.
if you don't, you are a slob.

if you buy her flowers, you are after soMething.
if you don't, you are not thoughtful.

if you are proud of your achieveMents, you are full of yourself. if you don't, you are not ambitious.

if she has a headache, she is tired.
if you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

if you want it too often, you are over-sexed.
if you don't, there must be soMeone else.

Genijalno...jednostavno genijalno...sems-a vlada

dovedi drugaricu na forum da se flame-ujemo

A, ne, pa posle da me optuzujes sto sam pustio zmaja na forum

Ne verujem da ona ima vremena. Videcu...

Neka dodje ona, nabavicemo harpune ako joj puske ne mogu nista