Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key to continue.
Buy a Pentium II so you can reboot faster.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression.
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted. Cereal Port Not Responding.
The name is Baud, James Baud.
Access denied. Thought you could get in?
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Bad command. Bad, bad, command! Sit! Bark! Stay!
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename?"
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
File not found. Should I fake it? (y/n)
Ethernet: Something used to catch the EtherBunny.
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Reboot Washington D.C? (y/n)
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
11th commandment: Desire not your neighbor's Pentium II or his 16xCD-R.
The magic of Windows: Turns a Pentium into an XT, instantly.
SENILE.COM found. Out Of Memory.
Who's General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, this is Shell calling, do you copy?
All computers wait at the same speed.
Defination of a computer: A device designed to speed up and automate errors.
Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue.
AscII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
E-mail returned to sender. Insufficient voltage.
Hex dump: Where witches leave their used curses.
Do witches run spell checkers?
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody" - Bill Gates, 1981
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic?
I used dip switches and connector wires to speed up my computer. It works just
finE*Åä^'=ö:.¨\~
Error! No keyboard detected. Press F1 to continue.
Error! No mouse detected. Click here to continue.
Error! Virus requires a different operating system.
Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Double your HD space, delete your operating system!
Is reading in the bathroom considered as multi-tasking?
My computer said that "Insert disk #3" but I couldn't get more than one disk fit

in at a time!
Bug? That's not a bug, that's a random feature!
The computer programmer's national anthem is "AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!"
If at first you don't succeed, call it a version 1.0.
Asking if computers can think, is like asking if submarines can swim.
Todays UNIX command: "EXSOP" = Execute System Operator.
Computer programming is an artform that fights back.
Dad, what does "FORMATTING DRIVE C: 90% DONE" mean?
Windows loaded. System in danger.
No errors detected. Yet.
File Linking Error. Your mistake is now in every file.
Erroneous Error. Nothing is wrong.
Multitasking Attempted. System confused.
System Price Error. Inadequate money spent on hardware.
Broken Window. Watch out for glass fragments.
Horrible Bug Encountered. No idea what has happened.
Running low on diskspace. Free at least 2GB.
Windows Closed. You can't look outside now.
Unexplained Error. Please tell the programmer how is this possible.
Keyboard Locked. Try anything you can think of.
Illegal Error. You are not allowed to get this error, next time you will be
punished.
Timing Error. Please wait, and wait, and wait, and wait...
Process running. If not ready in 10 minutes, wait longer.
This will end your Windows session, do you wish to play another game?
Timeout Error. Operator fell asleep waiting for the system to boot.
Error! Computer hungry. Insert hamburger in drive A: and press Y to continue.
Error! Programmer running out of cash. Insert Wallet in drive A: and remove when

empty.
BIT: A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's computer cost quite a
bit."
BOOT: What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about
your computer skills.
BUG: What your eyes do after you stare at the computer screen for more than 15
minutes. Also: what E-Commerce companies do to you after they get your name on
their mailing list.
CHIPS: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to

leave their keyboards for meals.
COPY: What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time at

the computer and not enough time studying.
CURSOR: What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in
"You $#% computer!"
DISK: What goes out in your back after bending over a computer keyboard for
seven hours in a row.
DUMP: The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install your
computer.
ERROR: What you made the first time you walked into a computer showroom to "just

look around."
EXPANSION UNIT: The new room you have to build on to your home to house your
computer and all it's peripherals.
FILE: What your secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day,
now that the computer does her day's work in 30 minutes.
FLOPPY: The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of
exercise and a steady diet of junk food.
HARDWARE: Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't

laid a finger on since getting your computer.
IBM: The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on
your computer so you'll pay attention to them again.
MENU: What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll be too
poor to eat in a restaurant.
PROGRAMS: Those things you used to look at on your television before you bought
a PC TV-card.
RETURN: What lots of people do with their computers after only a week and a
half.
TERMINAL: A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot
computers.
WINDOW: What you throw the computer out of after you accidentally erase a
program that took you three days to set up.