Marriage - Part  I



Typical macho man married typical  good-looking lady and after the

wedding, he  laid down the following  rules:



"I'll be home when  I want, if I want and at what time I want and  I

don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a  great dinner to be on

table unless I tell you  that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go

  hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my  old

buddies and don't you give me a hard time  about it. Those are my

  rules. Any  comments?"



His new bride  said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand  that

there will be sex here at seven o'clock  every night ......... whether

you're here or  not."



( OHHH SHE'S  GOOD!)



************************************



Marriage (Part II)



Husband  and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their  40th wedding

anniversary!  The husband  yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a

headstone that  reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold  As Ever "



"Yeah?" she replies.  "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that

reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff  At Last"



(HE ASKED FOR  IT!)



******************************



Marriage (Part III)



Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the  breakfast

table. Husband gets up in a rage and  says, "And you are no good in bed

either," and  storms out of the house.



After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make  amends and

rings her up. She comes to the  phone after many rings, and the

  irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"



She says, "I was in  bed."



"In bed this early, doing  what?"



"Getting a second  opinion!"



(YEP, HE HAD  THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)



  ******************************************



Marriage (Part IV)



A man  has six children and is very proud of his  achievement.  He is so

proud of himself,  that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of   Six" in

spite of her objections.



One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to  go

home and wants to find out if his wife is  ready to leave as well. He

shouts at the top  of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of  Six?'



His wife, irritated by her  husband's lack of discretion, shouts  right

back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of  Four."



(RIGHT ON,  LADY!)



**************************************



  Marriage (Part V) The Silent  Treatment



A man and his  wife were having some problems at home and were  giving

  each other the silent treatment.  Suddenly, the man realized that the

  next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early

  morning business flight. Not wanting to  be the first to break the

silence (and LOSE),  he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at

5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would  find  it.



The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00  AM  and

he had missed his flight. Furious, he  was about to go and see why his

wife hadn't  wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by  the  bed.



The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake  up."



*************************************************