"Baby Likes Burping"


You know my baby likes burping
You know my baby's kinda nauseating

[burps]

My little vulgar one is so gross
'Cause when I hold her in my arms so close she goes

[burps]
And out in public it's embarrassing
She'll burp at anyone or anything
She's so revolting and disgusting
And repulsive to me, yeah

My little lady's so obnoxious
Today she walked onto a Greyhound bus goin'

[burps]

And then a couple hours later
My baby's in a crowded elevator

[burps]

That little filthy pig is so obscene
I'm really glad she doesn't like beans
She's so revolting and disgusting
And repulsive to me, yeah

Oh, I wonder what's her trip
Oh, she'd better can it quick
Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick

If baby does it anymore
I think I'll just pretend like I don't know her

[burps]

You know my baby likes burping
You know my baby is really sickening

[burps]

That's enough, that's it

[record scratch]

"Belvedere Cruising"


Now, you won't find me braggin'
'Bout my big green station wagon
Or tellin' 'bout the traffic laws I'm breakin'
Everybody knows that I wouldn't dare
Match my wits with a red Corvair
And just the thought of a Pinto leaves me shakin'

Now, I don't think that I could hack
Drivin' a big white Cadillac
With ripped up upholstery and unnecessary frills
No, I don't think that I could bear
Drivin' somethin' other than a Belvedere
In a Belvedere I can really get my thrills

Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight
Just watch me pass that Porsche on the right
I can take you anywhere
In my 1964 Belvedere
Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight

I don't think that I could cruise
In one of those small VW's
Or zip along the highway in a classy pickup truck
There's somethin' 'bout a Comet
That makes me wanna vomit
And those Datsuns just ain't worth a Fudgesicle, no

Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight
You got nothin' to lose but your life
It can take away your blues
All you've gotta do is cruise
In my big black Plymouth Belvedere tonight

With red upholstery
Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight, yes indeed
Woo, goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight
Yeah, goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight

"Bob"


I, man, am regal - a German am I
Never odd or even
If I had a hi-fi
Madam, I'm Adam
Too hot to hoot
No lemons, no melon
Too bad I hid a boot
Lisa Bonet ate no basil
Warsaw was raw
Was it a car or a cat I saw?

Rise to vote, sir
Do geese see god?
"Do nine men interpret?" "Nine men," I nod
Rats live on no evil star
Won't lovers revolt now?
Race fast, safe car
Pa's a sap
Ma is as selfless as I am
May a moody baby doom a yam?

Ah, Satan sees Natasha
No devil lived on
Lonely Tylenol
Not a banana baton
No "x" in "Nixon"
O, stone, be not so
O Geronimo, no minor ego
"Naomi," I moan
"A Toyota's a Toyota"
A dog, a panic in a pagoda

Oh no! Don Ho!
Nurse, I spy gypsies - run!
Senile felines
Now I see bees I won
UFO tofu
We panic in a pew
Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo
God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog!
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog

"Bohemian Polka"


Is this the real life
Is this just fantasy
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
'Cause I'm easy come, easy go
Little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me
To me

Mama, just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooo
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooo
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

I see a little silhouetto of a mam
Scaramouch, scaramouch, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning - very, very frightening me
Galileo, Galileo
Galileo, Galileo
Galileo figaro - Magnifico... Hey! Hey! Hey!
I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go
Will not let you go - let him go
Will not let you go - let him go
No, no, no, no, no no no no no!

Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me
For me

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh, baby - Can't do this to me, baby
Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here

Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me Anyway the wind blows - Hey!

"Born To Be Mild"


Get your program running
Head out to the center
Terminals are waiting
For the data that you'll enter

Everybody says that you're a nerd, but
They should know that you just don't care
Got your Hewlett-Packard on your belt and
Vaseline in your hair

Like a true mommy's child
You were born, born to be mild
When your batteries die
You're always gonna cry
Born to be mild

Pencils in your pocket
Patent leather briefcase
Studying your Fortran
You got pimples on your face

Gotta do your homework
Forget about the prom dance
They think that you're a big jerk
'Cause you wear a pair of flood pants

Every day you wake up
Your oscilloscope is humming
Parties tend to break up
When they find out that you're coming

"Cable TV"


I used to think my life was so empty
I used to think life was passin' me by
Well, I was just about ready
To curl up and die

But then one day I got a visit
From the cable company
Well, they hooked me up and plugged me right in
And now I got cable TV

And now I get to watch the stock report in Korean
Midget wrestling on channel three
It costs me fifty bucks a month just to see 'em
Yeah, but that's all right with me

I got cable TV (Cable TV)
Cable TV (Cable TV)
Oh, eighty-three channels of ecstasy
I love my cable TV, yeah
I love my cable TV

I got the Siamese Faith Healer's Network
The news and weather from Peru
I got celebrity hockey
The Racketball Channel too

Bugs Bunny direct from Atlanta
Mr. Wizard is on at five
I got a satellite dish on the trunk of my car
So I can watch MTV while I drive

I'm talkin' 'bout real quality programs
The kind you just can't get for free
Now I never wanna leave my apartment
'Cause there's just so much for me to see

On my cable TV (Cable TV)
Cable TV(Cable TV)
Well, if you need to find me
You know where I'll be
Watchin' my cable TV, yeah
Watchin' my cable TV

'Cause I love my cable TV, yeah
I love my cable TV

My friends are gettin' kinda worried
They think I'm turning into some kinda freak
Oh, but they're just jealous 'cause I've seen Porky's
Twenty-seven times this week

On my cable TV (Cable TV)
Cable TV (Cable TV)
Yeah, the greatest thing that's ever happened to me
I love my cable TV, yeah
I love my cable TV

Well, I got to have cable TV, yeah
I need my cable TV

Well, I love, I love my cable TV (TV)
Got to have cable TV (TV)
Well, I got to have my cable TV, yeah (TV)
Can't live without my cable TV

Well, I said, got to have some cable TV (TV)
I've got to have my cable TV
I said cable TV, yeah (TV)
Got to have cable TV

"Callin' In Sick"


Hit my snooze alarm for the twenty seventh time
Just don't feel like goin' to work - I think I'll call my boss, then I'm
Gonna hack and cough and wheeze
Swear I got some strange disease
What's that little twerp gonna say
Hey

I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today

I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp
I could spend all day in my underwear wathing "Ernest Goes To Camp"
I could sit and count my hair
I could burp my Tupperware
I'm not busy anyway
Hey

I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't goin' to work, no way
Callin' in sick today

I can do anything I want to
I am invincible now
I'm on fire, baby
I'm alive, I'm alive, can you hear me, world?
I'm alive

Maybe I'll spend all day staring at the sun
And trying not to squint
Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from
My belly button lint
When I'm sick of takin' abuse
I just make up some lame excuse
Freedom's just seven digits away
Hey

I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't gonna work, no way
Callin' in sick today

"Cavity Search"


Listen to the Muzak
Hearin' people scream
Sittin' in the waiting room
Readin' crappy magazines
With a toothache
This is it, pal
Root Canal

My molars are impacted
I'm gettin' gum disease
I'm gonna need some fillings
Got twelve cavities
Can you help me
Have mercy
Doctor, please

My teeth are a fright
Got a huge overbite
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me

You jab at my nerve endings
It's driving me insane
Just give me nitrous oxide
Shoot me up with novocaine
Help me out here
'Cause I'm so severe
Pain

Please stop for a bit
Let me rinse and spit
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me

You validate my parking
I think that I'm okay
But you make one more appointment for
A week from Saturday
'Cause you came upon
A problem on
My x-ray
Oy vey!

I'm getting absurd
Well, I hope I'm insured, now
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me

"Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios"


Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios
Did you know Froot Loops fit in your nose
I may be just a simple guy
But just the thought of Corn Flakes makes me high

Cheerios, Cocoa Puffs, Cheerios
Makes me want to take off all my clothes
I love them dearly, and that's how it goes
Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios

"Chicken Pot Pie"


When we were young, Bernie's Deli was down the block
(Ooh ooh ooh ooh)
He made a great liver pate
(You know he did, you know he did, you know he did)
But if there's one thing in this world that I like better
Than a corned beef on rye

It's Chicken Pot Pie
Chicken Pot Pie

[chorus of chicken-cluck imitations]