How to be politically correct with women

she is not a bleached blonde - she is peroxide dependent.
she is not a bad cook - she is microwave compatible.
she does not wear too much jewelry - she is metallically overburdened.
she is not conceited - she is intimately aware of her best qualities.
she does not want to be married - she wants to lock you in domestic incarceration.
she does not gain weight - she is a metabolic underachiever.
she does not tease or flirt - she engages in artificial stimulation.
she is not dumb - she is a detour off the information superhighway.
she is not too skinny - she is skeletally prominent.
she does not have a mustache - she is in touch with her masculine side.
she does not hate televised sports - she is athletically ignorant.
she has not been around - she is a previously enjoyed companion.
she does not wear too much perfume - she commits fragrance abuse.
she does not go shopping - she is mall fluent.
she is not an air head - she is reality impaired.
she does not get drunk or tipsy - she gets chemically inconvenienced.
she does not get fat or chubby - she achieves maximum density.
she is not cold or frigid - she is thermally inaccessible.
she does not wear too much makeup - she has reached cosmetic saturation.
she does not nag you - she becomes verbally repetitive

 

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