20 strong


So it's been weeks and I can't help but stop and think,
These rooms seem cold without you.
Memories turned salty cheeks,
I still feel the flames you held beneath my feet.
Life may ever be so good again.
I've been staring at these pictures so long, I swear they're talking back.
Today is for the living.
These songs we're singing are more than moving on,
They're the only ways we're making sense of a world that's small enough to shake.
But it's still strong enough to break us down.

I've tried to capture it and never found a way.
'Cause wrapping words around a love that made
Palaces of parking lots and art of ugly hearts
isn't easy.
What we gave, what we had.
Some may never understand how twenty kids in three vans won't ever be the same again.
What we gave, what we had.
Six weeks in the clouds and I'm still not ready, not ready to come down.

A new war


Will we see the day when the trees that we hang our heads from,
Hit the ground like dead men's love songs,
Offering another history of privilege and open doors?
As they march us off to a new war,
When it's through there'll be a hundred more.
With us to wonder what the hell we're fighting for.
RESIST; cycle repear; relinquish.
We've made an art of giving in,
Forfeiting steps we should have taken.
Will we see a light in the dark at this tunnel's end?
To pacify the rage of hollow slogan,
To expose picket sign pretense,
And rationalize words without actions?
Did we forget the future's in the making?
Rules may be bent,
But they're overdue for breaking.
Open your eyes, stand up and believe,
Throw off the chains, for once be free.
Let go of this so-called freedom bedtime story,
The only free ones have built empires on two bit lies and blood money.
Let go of this so-called freedom bedtime story,
The oldest new war, under the radar,
Is fought in city streets and back alleys.

All hope aside


Winding roads and wrong turns
With the flip of a coin your hopes come crashing down

It's easy to be bitter when clarity becomes a cloud
Plans have turned into pieces, your friends have let you down
By your side when things are shining
But when it's dark they're nowhere to be found

It's easy to be bitter when you've been left behind
Soon your hand will place the blame
To begin this cycle once again
Winding roads and wrong turns
With the flips of a coin your hopes come crashing down

But there will come a day when our hands are open
Holding one another's worries
Dry your eyes, you're not alone

Cut the loss, keep moving on, life has its share of hard times
It's better to take a risk than try to calculate it's chances
Keep pushing on, you're not alone

Bottoms up


Call me the song beating in your heart,
The needles mark, scrape, and pry,
Damage is done, when all these cuts bleed dry,
I'll have your glory carved on my chest and arms,
Broken dreams spelled out in scars.
Call me the hope built up just to let you down,
Crippled like fractured legs,
With my knees scraping on the ground,
I will,
I'll wear these bruises like a blanket,
This lesson like a hat,
Tip the brim and turn it back,
To minds that won't relent,
Building hearts on things we said and meant.
This is how it feels to come undone.

Cancer dream


You knew it all,
Inside your head was graceful.
You knew suffering was fair.
Thank you much.

Do we deserve this type of fate?
I need this now.
Do we deserve this type of fate?

You knew the blood inside my veins was wasteful.
You knew I was bound to wake up scared.
I made you up.

Do we deserve this type of fate?
I need this now.
Do we deserve this type of fate?

Nobody needs nobody, after all.

Closets


I'll hold my tongue,
There has been enough double talk to double cross every bridge we've ever walked.
Watch them burn along with love lost, empty words withdrawn, confidence replaced with doubt.
Open handed antidotes,
Contrived smiles, half-hearted jokes,
If this is letting go, then burn it down and just let go.
I guess I'll break the yoke and walk alone,
I'm missing the days, missing the days when I was missing home,
But the past is in the past, it's here today and gone so fast,
Just walk away, walk away some things don't last.
I'll find another brick to throw,
Another bottle to break.
You've got memories and I've got ghosts,
Kill the kind words we learned to know.
This is not the way things had to be,
You helped me see that star-crossed eyes aren't what they once were,
Pretty as they seem.
Come at me like you mean it,
With skeletons enough to fill a thousand closets,
do what you will.
It's out of my hands, do what you will.

Congratulations


There's a waiting list to the bottom, under you.
Ex-husbands, romantics and perverts and masochists.
I'm gonna be there too.
Where's the stop where the train's gonna hit me?
True, I live for when you bullshit me.
Tell me you want me, tell me you need me.
Undress me with your eyes.
Lie to me.

Here we are, in love again.
Congratulations,
I'm here as the entertaining fool.

Must have broke every bone in your wrist, how romantic of you.
We both got this sickness; goddamn it's addictive.
It's got me bleeding for two.
Where's the truck full of bricks here to crush me?
Don't you fuck with this halo above me.
Tell me you caught me, tell me I'm sorry.
Kick me back in your life.
Torture me.

Diver


i came to my senses in this parking lot.
i've found my arrogance a detriment to my heart.
i had this feeling that you're cold, and this raging fire.
i've been listening to wings every night. "let's get it on".

this is the sound of particle boards cracking;
you need a spine for that.
this is a drowning moment, so fill the bathtub up.
woe is you, dumb fuck. you screwed yourself but royally.
you're not that hopeless, you're a phoney and pride's a heavy monkey.

you dive-bombed, but that's another song for another place in time.
as long as you're feeling down, take that empty space
in your heart and make a piece of shit masterpiece for us all.
you're smart enough.

i'm headbutting the dashboard while re-capping my year
and time is wasting, i know.
i'm sitting in the backyard, taking shots to my head
and i'm wasted alone.

smile. you'll be smiling though it breaks you inside. go on.

as long as you're feeling down, take a look at what
got you this way.
you trusted opinions of all your hangers-on,
do they care for us?

Elevens


Please tell me how we did this,
We got ourselves into such a mess again.
We've fought so long we can't remember what the hell it was all about.
I can't count the times I've turned around, cheated my promises, and sold you out.

How is this not a waste of time, these blind eyes won't see me through.
I'm feeling for a hand to hold me now, lift the veil, see the truth.
There's so much further left to climb, and not one inch has been secure.
I'm feeling for a hand to hold me now, lift the veil and endure.
Be it my dexterity for long-winded alibis,
But excuses came full circle months ago.
I've wanted to walk away, but it can't be right,
To forget the knocking and throw the fight,
Silence the wanting and blackout the firelight.
I'm digging deep to find resolve to change, will to draw lines.
I'm putting old ways to the knife, I'm dying here this time.
Because honestly I can't relate,
While lying to your face every day.
With webs of lies spun to justify all of my failures.
I've realized my heart's content,
I may never see an end.
So when you need me I'll be outside throwing rocks at the moon every night
'til the day I die.
I still believe that faith can move the mountains.

God loves a liar


Don't forget to waste your blood and mix it with your tears now.
Don't forget to waste your love inside me to crawl out.
I know it's here inside.

Why am I so afraid?
God loves a liar.

It's turning on me now.
Accidents are what follows.
If only you could see her now.
Don't mistake someone's daughter's crying for fuck sounds.
For rainy days you're mine.

Why are we so afraid?
God loves a liar.

Today is the day that I laugh for the fun ot it.
Today is the day that it tears me apart.
Today is the day I defile your saccharine way,
or at least take aim.
Today is the day that I drown for the fun of it.
Today is the day that I laugh in the dark.
Today is the day that I see myself for what I really am...
Dead to the world.

Liar.