"Alfie"

Ooooo deary me,
My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed,
I tell him he should get up cos it's nearly half past three
He can't be bothered cos he's high on THC.
I ask him very nicely if he'd like a cup of tea,
I can't even see him cos the room is so smoky,
Don't understand how one can watch so much TV,
My baby brother Alfie how I wish that you could see.

[Chorus]
Oooooo I only say it cos I care,
So please can you stop pulling my hair.
Now, now there's no need to swear,
Please don't despair my dear Mon frere.

Ooooo Alfie get up it's a brand new day,
I just can't sit back and watch you waste your life away
You need to get a job because the bills need to get paid.
Get off your lazy arse,
Alfie please use your brain
Surely there's some walls out there that you can go and spray,
I'm feeling guilty for leading you astray,
Now how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid,
When all you do is stay and play on your computer games?

[Chorus]

Oh little brother please refrain from doing that,
I'm trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat.
It's time that you and I sat down and had a little chat,
And look me in the eyes take off that stupid fitted cap.

[Chorus]

Please don't despair
Please don't despair
Mon frere

"Nan You're A Window Shopper"

The bottom feels so much better than the top!
So much better.

[Chorus:]
Nan you're a window shopper,
taking a look but you never buy.
Nan you're a window shopper,
You won't pick it up if its over a fiver.
Nan you're a window shopper,
get on the bus coz you still can't drive.
Nan you're a window shopper,
mad as fuck only just alive.

Get up in the morning and you like your tea milky,
you fumble for your glasses coz without 'em you cant see,
It's funny how I come round your house and I'm 20
and I still have to wear all the presents you sent me.
I walk into your kitchen everything's got a label,
you done your Christmas shopping and we're only in April.
And you wont leave the house unless your wearing your thermals,
you're covered all in cat hair and you're stinking like Strepsils,
Your heading down the Bowls Club,
have another orange squash.
Balls are rollin rollin rollin.
You can't walk right coz things aren't what they were,
your ankles are swollen swollen swollen.

[Chorus]

You're walking down the post office to pick up your pension,
and then you're off to Bingo, it's become an obssession.
So weary of the kids when their wearin' their hoods up,
and even if they smile at you, you think its a stick-up.
You only buy the paper just to cut out the coupons,
your saving 50p but what do you want with tampons?
Your always at the doctor picking up your prescription,
and they throw in some K-Y just to ease up the friction.
You gotta leak in your colostomy bag,
yeah its got a hole in hole in hole in.
At the weekend your shopping with your trolley,
its so sad how your rollin rollin rollin.

[Chorus]

"Blank Expression"

Snow is falling all around
Seven o'clock and the roads are blocked
So i walk downtown
There's no one else around

I look in the bar and immediately
I sense daydream
Look at me girl as if i was some kind of
A total stranger

Where did you get that
Blank expression on your face
Where did you get that
Blank expression on your face

The streets are dark
And there's no one about
I wander home
And all the lights are out
I keep wondering

Where did you get that
Blank expression on your face
Where did you get that
Blank expression on your face

Where did you get that
Blank expression on your face
Where did you get that
Blank expression on your face

"Cheryl Tweedy"

I wish I had one good reason why
I should stay
How'd I get myself
Into this place?

I wish had qualities like
Sympathy
Fidelity
Sobriety
Sincerity
Humility
Instead I got lunacy

Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah

I wish I could fit myself in my pocket
And tie myself to a rocket
And send myself to outer space
I wish I had a different face

I wish I had one good reason why
I should stay
How'd I get myself
Into this place?

[Chorus:]
I wish my life was a little less seedy
Why am I always so greedy?
Wish I looked just like Cheryl Tweedy
I know I never will
I know I never will
I wish my life was not so boring
Every weekend fall to the flooring
Don't get me started on Monday morning
It would be overkill
It would be overkill

I wish I had one good reason why
I should stay
How'd I get myself
(How'd I get myself)
Into this place?

I wish I could apologize
Be dignified
Wish I could look you in the eye
And tell you that I never lied
I wish that I could stop the cries
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah

Don't wake me up today
Under my duvet's
Where I wanna stay
Don't wanna come out to play
Doesn't matter what you say, anyway, anyway

[Chorus]

Oh, I wish I didn't smoke so many cigarettes
Another programme on antiques on the TV set
Wish I had blonde hair
Wish I had green eyes
So many things about myself that I despise
(I wish my life was a little less seedy)
So many things about my life that I despise
(I wish my life was a little less seedy)
So many things that I despise
(I wish my life was a little less seedy)
So many things that I despise

"Absolutely Nothing"

I'm on the doorstep with my key turned in the door,
Walk the livin room and you're side on my floor

My heart is achin and i've never felt this bad
I pinch myself to check that all of this is real
Keep thinkin i'm not lettin on I feel this sad
Then you've got the cheek to ask me how I feel

And I say

Absolutley nothing, i'm absolutley fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind
Absolutely nothing, i'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind

I know that you just want to see me get upset
My world turned upside down so what did you expect?

My heart is achin and i've never felt this bad
I pinch myself to check that all of this is real
Keep thinkin i'm not lettin on I feel this sad
Then you've got the cheek to ask me how I feel

And I say

Absolutley nothing, i'm absolutley fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind
Absolutely nothing, i'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind

You've seen me cry, too many times
But not this time, no, not this time
I don't need you, to help me through
I'll be just fine, i'll be just fine

And I say

Absolutley nothing, i'm absolutley fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind
Absolutely nothing, i'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind [x3]

"Everyone's At It"

I don't know much,
But I know this for certain,
That is the sun,
Poking its head round the curtain.

Now please can we leave,
I'd like to go to bed now.
It's not just the sun,
That is hurting my head now.

I'm not trying to say,
That I'm smelling of roses,
But when will we tire,
Of putting shit up our noses.

I don't like staying up,
Staying up past the sunlight.
It's meant to be fun,
And this just doesn't feel right.

Why can't we all,
All just be honest,
Admit to ourselves,
That everyone's on it.

From grown politicians,
To young adolescents,
Prescribing themselves,
Anti-depressants.

How can we start to tackle the problem,
If you don't put your hands up,
And admit that you're on them.

The kids are in danger,
They're all getting habits,
Because from what I can see,
Everyone's at it.
Everyone's at it.
Everyone's at it.
Everyone's at it.

I get involved,
But I'm not advocating.
Got an opinion,
Yeah, you're well up for slating.

So you've got a prescription,
And that makes it legal.
I find the excuses,
Overwhelmingly feeble.

You go to the doctor,
You need pills to sleep in.
Well if you can convince him,
Then I guess that's not cheating.

So your daughter's depressed,
We'll get her straight on the prozac.
But little do you know,
She already takes crack.

Why can't we all,
All just be honest,
Admit to ourselves,
That everyone's on it.

From grown politicians,
To young adolescents,
Prescribing themselves,
Anti-depressants.

How can we start to tackle the problem,
If you don't put your hands up,
And admit that you're on them.

The kids are in danger,
They're all getting habits,
Because from what I can see,
Everyone's at it.
Everyone's at it.
Everyone's at it.
Everyone's at it.

Why can't we all,
All just be honest,
Admit to ourselves,
That everyone's on it.

From grown politicians,
To young adolescents,
Prescribing themselves,
Anti-depressants.

How can we start to tackle the problem,
If you don't put your hands up,
And admit that you're on them.

The kids are in danger,
They're all getting habits,
Because from what I can see,
Everyone's at it.
Everyone's at it.
Everyone's at it.
Everyone's at it.

"The Fear"

I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don't care about clever I don't care about funny
I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them

And I'll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
'Cause everyone knows that's how you get famous.

[Pre-chorus:]
I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror
I'm on the right track, yeah I'm on to a winner.

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
And when do you think it will all become clear?
'Cause I'm being taking over by The Fear

Life's about film stars and less about mothers
It's all about fast cars and cussing each other
But it doesn't matter cause I'm packing plastic
And that's what makes my life so fucking fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
And it's not my fault it's how I'm programmed to function

[Pre-chorus]

[Chorus]

Forget about guns and forget ammunition
'Cause I'm killing them all on my own little mission
Now I'm not a saint but I'm not a sinner
Now everything's cool as long as I'm getting thinner

[Chorus]

"Not Fair"

Oh he treats me with respect
he says he loves me all the time
he calls me fifteen times a day
he likes to make sure that I'm fine

You know I've never met a man
who's made me feel quite so secure
he's not like all them other boys
they're all so dumb and immature

There's just one thing
that's getting in the way
when we go up to bed
you're just no good
it's such a shame

I look into your eyes
I want to get to know you
and then you make this noise
and it's apparent it's all over

It's not fair
and I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean

Oh, you're supposed to care
don't you never make me scream
you never make me scream

Oh, it's not fair
and it's really not ok
it's really not ok
it's really not ok

Oh, you're supposed to care
but all you do is take
yeah all you do is take

Oh I lie here in the wet patch
in the middle of the bed
I'm feeling pretty damn hard done by
I spent ages giving head

Then I remember all the nice things
that you've ever said to me
maybe I'm just overreacting
maybe you're the one for me

There's just one thing
that's getting in the way
when we go up to bed
you're just no good
it's such a shame

I look into your eyes
I want to get to know you
and then you make this noise
and it's apparent it's all over

It's not fair
and I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean

Oh, you're supposed to care
don't you never make me scream
you never make me scream

Oh, it's not fair
and it's really not ok
it's really not ok
it's really not ok

Oh, you're supposed to care
but all you do is take
yeah all you do is take

There's just one thing
that's getting in the way
when we go up to bed
you're just no good
it's such a shame

I look into your eyes
I want to get to know you
and then you make this noise
and it's apparent it's all over

It's not fair
and I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean

Oh, you're supposed to care
don't you never make me scream
you never make me scream

Oh, it's not fair
and it's really not ok
it's really not ok
it's really not ok

Oh, you're supposed to care
but all you do is take
yeah all you do is take

"22"

When she was 22 the future looked bright
But she's nearly 30 now and she's out every night
I see that look in her face she's got that look in her eye
She's thinking how did I get here and wondering why

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

She's got an alright job but it's not a career
Wherever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears
Cause all she wants is a boyfriend
She gets one-night stands
She's thinking how did I get here
I'm doing all that I can

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

"I Could Say"

I could say that I'll always be here for you
But that would be a lie and quite a pointless thing to do
I could say that I'll always have feelings for you
But I've got a life ahead of me and I'm only 22

Since you've gone I've lost that chip on my shoulder
Since you've gone I feel like I've gotten older
Now you're gone it's as if the whole wide world is my stage
Now you're gone it's like I've been let out of my cage

You always made it clear that you hated my friends
You made me feel so guilty when I was running round with them
And everything was always about being cool
And now I've come to realise there's nothing cool about you at all

Since you've gone I've lost that chip on my shoulder
Since you've gone I feel like I've gotten older
Now you're gone it's as if the whole wide world is my stage
Now you're gone it's like I've been let out of my cage

Since you've gone I've lost that chip on my shoulder
Since you've gone I feel like I've gotten older
Now you're gone it's as if the whole wide world is my stage
Now you're gone it's like I've been let out of my cage