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Scuba Divers and Forest Fires

So you think you're having a bad day? In California, wildfires are part of the natural cycle of the forest. They are caused by lightning, by arson, by acts of God. Brave firefighters earn their livings extingiushing these ravenous blazes.

Recently, Fire Marshals found a corpse in a rural section of California while they were assessing the damage done by a recent forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in diving gear consisting of a recently-melted wetsuit, a dive tank, flippers, and facemask. Apparently the man had been participating in recreational diving fairly recently.

A post-mortem examination attributed death not to burns, but to massive internal injuries. Salt water was found in his stomach. Dental records provided a positive identification of a man who had been reported missing a week before, and the next-of-kin were notified. Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was discovered that, on the day of the fire, the deceased had set out on diving trip in the Pacific Ocean. His third dive was 20 kilometers away from the location of a large brush fire which which was threatening the saftey of a nearby town.

Firefighters, seeking to control the conflagration as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters to saturate the area with water. The helicopters towed large buckets, which were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the fire and emptied.

 
 You guessed it! One minute our diver was marveling at the fish species of the Pacific, and in the next breath, he found himself in a fire bucket 300 meters in the air. He experienced rapid decompression caused by the altitude change, suddenly followed by a plummet into burning trees.

As a consolation to bereaved relatives, investigators calculate that the man extinguished roughly 1.78 square meters of the fire, approximately the area covered by a splattered human body. Bereaved are also consoled by the knowledge that he had enjoyed two rewarding dives preceeding his fatal third dive.

Divers and pilots alike are being warned to remain on the alert. Divers are encouraged to remain calm if scooped from the water, and to hang onto the bucket when the water is dumped on the fire. Decompression chambers will be available immediately upon landing.

 
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And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

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Unfortunate Husband II
 
This guy pushed his motorcycle from the patio into his living room, where he began to clean the engine with some rags and a bowl of gasoline, all in the comfort of his own home. When he finished, he sat on the motorcycle and decided to give his bike a quick start and make sure everything was still OK. Unfortunately, the bike started in gear, and crashed through the glass patio door with him still clinging to the handlebars.

His wife had been working in the kitchen. She came running at the fearful sound, and found him crumpled on the patio, badly cut from the shards of broken glass. She called 911, and the paramedics carried the unfortunate man to the Emergency Room.

Later that afternoon, after many stitches had pulled her husband back together, the wife brought him home and put him to bed. She cleaned up the mess in the living room, and dumped the bowl of gasoline in the toilet. 
 Shortly thereafter, her husband woke up, lit a cigarette, and went into the bathroom for a much-needed relief break. He sat down and tossed the cigarette into the toilet, which promptly exploded because the wife had not flushed the gasoline away. The explosion blew the man through the bathroom door.


The wife heard a loud explosion and the terrible sound of her husband's screams. She ran into the hall and found her husband lying on the floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same two paramedics were dispatched to the scene. They loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. One of them asked the wife how the injury had occurred. When she told them, they began laughing so hard that they dropped the stretcher, and broke the guy's collarbone.

 
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And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

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I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

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The Bricklayer

Accident Report
This one needs an introduction, so you won't be lost at the beginning. This man was in an accident at work, so he filled out an insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked for more information. This was his response:


"I am writing in response to your request for additional information, for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using the pulley attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools."

"You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the
 ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel."
"Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope..."
 
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And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Neke price koje kruze forumom ne moraju biti istinite. Mogu biti samo tracevi zlih jezika.

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You Said a Mouthful
 
(18 May 2001, Illinois) A Chicago woman took revenge into her own hands quite successfully, when she bit off the testicles of her rapist during the attack. The 21-year-old man should have known better than to accost a woman twice his age and ferocity. When he dropped his trousers and forced her down, she seized her opportunity and severed his gonads, rendered him permanently sterile to the satisfaction of all.
The woman walked to police headquarters a block away and turned the testicles over to police. Shortly thereafter a man with a matching injury appeared at the Michael Reese Medical Center. Police put two and two together and cordoned off the injured man's hospital room, while doctors attempted, unsuccessfully, to reattach the rapist's genitals.

A hospital spokesperson confirms that our Urban Legend winner is now sterile.

Another way out of the gene pool!

 
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And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

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Constipated Elephant
 
 (1998, Paderborn Germany) Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly -- and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to theground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen."

Another Version of the Story

PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud.

"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen sometimes -- a billion-to-one shot, at least."
 The heartbreaking tale of constipation and tragedy began April 23 when the conscientious zookeeper noticed that his prize, 8,000-pound African elephant didn't seem to be producing his usual poop aplenty. "Friedrich had actually been concerned for several days because he knew that severe constipation can kill an elephant," assistant zookeeper Kurt Herrman recalled. "He told me he was going to stay late that Thursday night to treat Stefan with laxatives and possibly give him an enema. I offered to help, but he sent me on home, saying he had everything under control."

Two hours later, horrified night watchman Walter Pleuger found Friedrich lying lifeless under a mound of muck, his body visible only from the knees down. "I had never really thought about it before," Det. Dern said. "But obviously, giving an elephant an enema can be a very dangerous activity and not something that should be attempted alone."
 
 
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And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

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Overkill I

In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to commit suicide. He stood atop a sheer cliff and tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol.  The bullet missed him completely and cut through the rope above him. Now freed from the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to a hospital, where he died of hypothermia.

 
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And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

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Kako nastaju legende

Magični konopac

Navodno, svedoci su videli dete kako se penje uz konopac koji stoji u vazduhu, a zatim nestaje... To je, kao udarnu vest, objavio jedan dnevni list 1890. godine, a posle su mnogi bezuspešno pokušavali da izvedu ovu neverovatnu mađioničarsku tačku
 
Već više od jednog veka po svetu kruže neverovatne priče o pojavi koja potiče iz Indije. Reč je o iluzionističkoj tački s konopcem i dečakom koji nestaje. U prvobitnom izvođenju to je izgledalo ovako: na otvorenom prostoru fakir uzima dugačak konopac i baca ga u vazduh gde i ostaje stojeći uspravno, kao da je o nešto obešen. Fakirov pomoćnik, neki dečak, penje se uz konopac, a kad dođe do samog kraja, odjednom nestaje. Fakir ga poziva da se vrati, ali od dečaka ni traga. Posle nekoliko trenutaka penje se i sam fakir, naoružan nožem, pa i on nestaje. A onda s neba počinju da padaju raskomadani delovi tela. Fakir ipak silazi s neba, povlači konopac, ostatke tela prekriva platnom i, odjednom, ćiribu-ćiriba – evo dečaka živog i zdravog. – Bila bi to uistinu neverovatna predstava – kaže Piter Lamont, istoričar magije i istraživač sa Univerziteta u Edinburgu.
– Šteta što nije istinita. Za ovu tačku prvi put se čulo 1890. godine zahvaljujući pisanju američkog dnevnog lista „Čikago tribjun”. Pisac teksta Džon Elbert Vilki priznaće kasnije da je to bila obična letnja novinarska patka. Ono što nikako nije očekivao jeste da će ova lažna vest doživeti toliku slavu.
Vilkijev napis iz „Tribjuna” preuzele su mnoge druge novine, čak i inostrane, dok su tekst objavljen četiri meseca kasnije, u kom redakcija opovrgava ovu vest svi drugi prećutali. Čak se 1904. godine pojavio i prvi tobožnji svedok tvrdeći da je svojim očima video trik s indijskim konopcem. Zvao se Sebastijan Buršet. Ali, čim su članovi Engleskog udruženja za psihička istraživanja počeli da mu postavljaju pitanja, odmah je bilo jasno da ima suviše bujnu maštu. A to je ko zna koji primer „nepouzdanosti pamćenja kada je reč o ovakvim stvarima”, rekli su stručnjaci.
  – Ipak, ova legenda, koja je govorila o nepoznatoj i tajanstvenoj Indiji upravo onako kako ju je videla kolonijalna kultura toga doba, postala je toliko poznata da više nije mogla ni da se zaboravi ni da se uništi – objašnjava Lamont. – Stoga su neki ljudi pokušali da objasne igru s konopcem tvrdeći da je reč o slučaju masovne hipnoze. Fakir bi doveo u trans sve gledaoce i oni su videli ono čega nije bilo. Objašnjenje je bilo neuverljivije od same tačke, pa su počele da se pojavljuju i prve fotografije u nastojanju da se obore pretpostavke o masovnoj hipnozi.
„Štrand magazin”, časopis koji je objavljivao pustolovine Šerloka Holmsa, prvi je 1919. godine obradovao čitaoce i fotografijom te „najslavnije mađioničarske tačke na svetu”. Snimio ju je izvesni F. V. Holms, višestruko odlikovani oficir (koji nije ni u kakvom srodstvu s poznatim detektivom iz priča). Prema rečima Holmsa, konopac je odmotan, bačen u vazduh i tamo je ostao da stoji kao da je ukrućen. Potom se neki dečak uspeo uz njega i ostao da stoji na vrhu. Baš kad je oficir snimio fotografiju, dečak je nestao. „Ne umem da objasnim kako”, bio je njegov odgovor.
Stoga su ponuđena i druga objašnjenja ove zagonetke. Tridesetih godina prošlog veka jedan nemački iluzionista izjavio je da je konopac, zapravo, bio maskiran, a sastojao se od ovčijih kostiju, uglavljenih jedna u drugu, tako da su pravile neku vrstu motke uz koju je dečak mogao da se uspne. Pedesetih godina u još jednom tumačenju tvrdilo se da se tačka izvodila u nekoj udolini. Žica tanka kao vlas kose bila je razapeta između dva brda, a konopac se, pošto ga fakir baci u vazduh, kačio za ovu nevidljivu žicu skrivenom kukom. Predstava se prikazivala uveče, dečak se peo uz konopac i nestajao u mraku i dimu zapaljene vatre. Potom bi se fakir, u širokoj pelerini, i sam penjao do vrha konopca bacajući na zemlju komade udova nekog majmuna koga bi prethodno iskasapio. Konačno, dečak bi se sakrio pod pelerinu i sišao zajedno s mađioničarem tako da sve izgleda kao da se pojavio niotkuda.
– Sve su ovo objašnjenja mnogo neverovatnija i od same tačke o kojoj se priča – kaže Piter Lamont. – Ko bi mogao da zameni kosti ovce za konopac? I gde je to postojala žica tanka kao vlas koja bi se razapela između dva brda i izdržala težinu dve osobe? Svi su, u stvari, pokušavali da razjasne tajnu koje nije ni bilo. Fotografije kao što je ona Holmsova prikazivale su ne indijski konopac, nego nešto sasvim drugo: održavanje ravnoteže na dugačkim stabljikama bambusa, što se i danas radi u nekim krajevima Indije i Kine. Tamo se akrobata opaše debelim kanapom oko pojasa, podboči dugu bambusovu motku i uzdigne je. Uz nju se potom penje drugi momak koji, kad stigne do vrha, stoji tako nekoliko trenutaka održavajući ravnotežu.
Lamonta je zato, kao istraživača, zanimalo kako su razni mađioničari svedoci uspeli da zamene običnu igru održavanja ravnoteže i neverovatnu tačku s indijskim konopcem. Zajedno s engleskim psihologom Ričardom Vizemanom, pretpostavio je da postoji veza između senzacionalnosti priče i vremena koje protekne od događaja i izveštavanja o njemu. Drugim rečima, istraživači su krenuli od činjenice da prepričavanje jednog svedoka postaje sve neverovatnije kako vreme prolazi.
Prikupili su sva svedočanstva koja su našli u knjigama, studijama i novinskim tekstovima: ukupno 48. Odbacili su sva prepričavanja iz druge ruke, kao i dokumenta u kojima nije navedena godina događaja ili koji nisu sadržavali detaljne opise. Preostale dokaze – izbrojali su 21 – podelili su u pet grupa, po stepenu senzacionalizma. Njihov zaključak je, po ko zna koji put, potvrdio pretpostavku o krajnjoj nepouzdanosti pamćenja u vezi s mađioničarskim tačkama. Svedoci iz dokumentacije koju su našli videli su zapravo stajanje na motki, ali, kako su godine prolazile, dodavali su svojim opisima ono što su pročitali ili čuli da se priča. I, gle čuda: od tridesetih godina pa nadalje više nije bilo nikog ko je tvrdio da je i sam video tačku s uspinjanjem uz konopac.
Prava tajna predstave s indijskim konopcem nalazi se u našoj glavi i tamo odoleva vremenu. Mozak meša stvarne događaje kojima je prisustvovao i legende o kojima je čuo da se priča stvarajući tako ubedljivu priču. Ona se nikad nije dogodila, ali je ipak uverljiva i uzbudljiva.


---------------

Krajem 19. i početkom 20. veka tačka s indijskim konopcem postala je toliko popularna da su neki mađioničari počeli da je smatraju pretnjom profesiji. Učinilo im se da su indijski iluzionisti daleko veštiji od kolega sa Zapada, pa su se najistaknutiji među njima upinjali da otkriju u čemu je trik. Čak su išli u Indiju da ispituju gurue i fakire, očigledno bez uspeha. Onda su pokušali da tačku izvedu u pozorištu, pomoću utega koje su sami izmišljali. Nažalost, niko nije uspeo: jedno je bilo slušati priče o ovoj veštini, a drugo pokušati da ga izvedeš u sasvim drugačijem okruženju, kao što je pozornica.
Za mađioničare je zbog toga tačka s indijskim konopcem i danas „najveća iluzija ikad smišljena na svetu” iako nikad nije ni izvedena. Niti može da se dokuči, smatraju stručnjaci za ovu oblast: ona je nešto poput Svetog grala u mađioničarskom svetu.
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And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

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The Dog and the Jeep 

Classic Urban Legend

A fellow from Michigan buys himself a brand-new $30,000 Jeep Grand Cherokee for Christmas. He goes down to his favorite bar and celebrates by tossing down a few too many brews with his buddies. In one of those male-bonding rituals, five of them decide to take his new vehicle for a test drive on a duck hunting expedition. They load up the Jeep with the dog, the guns, the decoys, and the beer, and head out to a nearby lake.

Now, it's the dead of winter, and of course the lake is frozen, so they need to make a hole in the ice to create a natural landing area for the ducks and decoys. It is common practice in Michigan to drive your vehicle out onto the frozen lake, and it is also common (if slightly illegal) to make a hole in the ice using dynamite. Our fellows have nothing to worry about on that score, because one member of the party works for a construction team, and happens to have brought some dynamite along. The stick has a short 20-second fuse.

The group is ready for some action. They're all set up. Their shotguns are loaded with duck pellets, and they have beer, warm clothes and a hunting dog. Still chugging down a seemingly bottomless supply of six-packs, the group considers how to safely dynamite a hole through the ice. One of these rocket scientists points out that the dynamite should explode at a location far from where they are standing. Another notes the risk of slipping on the ice when running away from a burning fuse. So they eventually settle on a plan to light the fuse and throw the dynamite out onto the ice.

There is a bit of contention over who has the best throwing arm, and eventually the owner of the Jeep wins that honor. Once that question is settled, he walks about 20 feet further out onto the ice and holds the stick of dynamite at the ready while one of his companions lights the fuse with a Zippo. As soon as he hears the fuse sizzle, he hurls it across the ice at a great velocity and runs in the other direction.

Unfortunately, a member of another species spots his master's arm motions and comes to an instinctive decision. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns and the dog? Yes, the dog: a trained Black Labrador, born and bred for retrieving, especially things thrown by his owner. As soon as the stick leaves his hand, the dog sprints across the ice, hell-bent on wrapping his jaws around the enticing stick-shaped object.

Five frantic fellows immediately begin hollering at the dog, trying to get him to stop chasing the dynamite. Their cries fall on deaf ears. Before you know it, the retriever is headed back to his owner, proudly carrying the stick of dynamite with the burning 20-second fuse. The group continues to yell and wave their arms while the happy dog trots towards them. In a desperate act, its master grabs his shotgun and fires at his own dog.

The gun is loaded with duck shot, and confuses the dog more than it hurts him. Bewildered, he continues towards his master, who shoots at man's best friend again. Finally comprehending that his owner has become insane, the dog runs for cover with his tail between his legs. And the nearest cover is right under the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee.

Boom! The dog and the Jeep are blown to bits, and sink to the bottom of the lake, leaving a large ice hole in their wake. The stranded men stand staring at the water with stupid looks on their faces, and the owner of the Jeep is left to explain the misadventure to his insurance company. Needless to say, they determined that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered under their policy, and the owner is still making $400 monthly payments on his brand-new Jeep at the bottom of the lake.

 
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And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Neke price koje kruze forumom ne moraju biti istinite. Mogu biti samo tracevi zlih jezika.

I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

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Man Glued to Rhino Buttocks 

A Vermont native found himself in a difficult position yesterday while touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari Zoo with a group of thespians from St. Petersburg, Russia. Ronald went to extremes to demonstrate the power of Crazy Glue, one of America's many marvels, to the Russians.

To prove the effectiveness of Crazy Glue, he rubbed several ounces of the adhesive onto the palms of his hands and jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino.

The rhinoceros, a resident of the zoo for the thirteen years, was not initially startled, as it has been part of the petting exhibit since its arrival as a baby. However, once it became aware of being involuntarily stuck to Ronald, it began to panic and charge wildly about the petting area with Ronald as an unwitting passenger.

"Sally the Rhino hadn't been feeling well. She was constipated, and had just been given a laxative when the American played his juvenile prank, " said caretaker James Douglass.

During Sally's tirade, a shed wall was gored, two fences destroyed, and a number of small animals escaped. Three pygmy goats and one duck were stomped to death. During the stampede and subsequent capture, Sally began to feel the effects of the laxative, showering Ronald repeatedly with over 30 gallons of rhinoceros diarrhea.
 A team of medics and zoo caretakers were needed to remove his hands from Sally's buttocks. "It was tricky. We had to calm her down while shielding our faces from the pelting rhino dung. I guess you could say that Ronald was in it up to his neck.

Once she was under control, three people with shovels were working to keep an air passage open for him. We were eventually able to tranquilize Sally and apply a solvent to remove his hands from her rear," said Douglass. "I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for awhile."

Meanwhile, the amused Russians were impressed with the power of the adhesive. "I'm going to buy some for my children, but of course they can't take it to the zoo," commented Vladimir Zolnikov, leader of the troupe.

Ronald did not die, nor was there any reproductive injury, so he can only qualify for a Darwin Award if you are persuaded by the fact that nobody would date a man who smelled of rhino dung.
 
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And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Neke price koje kruze forumom ne moraju biti istinite. Mogu biti samo tracevi zlih jezika.

I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

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Gun-Totin' Granny

(March 2000, Melbourne, Australia) Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down - - and shot their testicles off!
"The old lady spent a week hunting those bums down -- and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way," said admiring Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. "Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be: 'Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.'

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the seedy hotel room where he and former prison cellmate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. "The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to," Detective Delp told reporters. "Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through."

The Rambo Granny swung into action after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row.

"When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the police would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker. "And I wasn't scared of them, either -- because I've got me a gun and I've been shootin' it all my life."

So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos' car, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.

"I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them," the ornery oldster recalled. "So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door -- and the minute the big one, Furth, opened the door, I shot 'em; got right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in."

Now, baffled lawmen are tying to figure out how to deal with the vigilante granny. "What she did was wrong, but you can't really throw an 81-year-old woman in prison." Det. Delp said, "especially when all 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for sainthood."

Daniel Rezmann refutes the veracity of this Urban Legend:
I work for the Office of Public Prosecutions in Melbourne, and thus have access to information on the criminal activities of my fellow Victorians. I checked through our records, and I can say with confidence that neither rapist exists in our records. If they were actually convicted, there is a 100% chance that they would be in our records, as we would have prosecuted them. Furthermore, even a Granny in her 80's would still be prosecuted. Case in point is where one elderly lady was charged with stabbed another to death in a nursing home last year. And finally, I read our newspapers and watch the news programs each night, and I do not recall ever seeing anything about this matter, despite its sensational nature which, if true, would plaster it all over the media.


 
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And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Neke price koje kruze forumom ne moraju biti istinite. Mogu biti samo tracevi zlih jezika.

I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

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