Urbane legende su price koje nastaju kao posledica igre zvane "gluvi telefoni". U njihovoj osnovi se cesto nalazi neki stvarni dogadja koji se vremenom toliko izmeni, nadrgradi i razradi, tako da da na kraju od stvarne price ostanu u najboljem slucaju samo naslovi i zakljucak..
Naravno, urbane legedne su i izmisljene price koje su proizvod necije maste i sjanog, pomalo surovog smisla za humor..
Mogu vas zabaviti, nasmejati, iznenaditi, zaplasiti, sokirati, ali njihova najvaznija osobina je da se vremenom toliko ukorene u nasim pricama i zivotima pa ih dozivljavamo kao istinite, doduse nedokazane, cinjenice...
Ja cu poceti sa jedom od svojih omiljenom urbanom legendom, a vi ako imate neke slicne, slobodno dopisite




     Jedan stanovnik Vermonta nasao se u veoma nezgodnoj situaciji dok je obilazio Igl Rok, africki safari zooloski vrt, zajedno s grupom glumaca iz Sankt Petersburga. Ronald je presao svaku meru dok je Rusima pokusavao da demonstrira snagu super-lepka, jednog od mnogih cuda Amerike. Da bi dokazao efikasnost super-lepka, njime je namazao svoje dlanove i veselo ih postavio na zadnjicu nosoroga koji je bio u prolazu.
     Nosorog, koji je vec 13 godina bio u vrtu, nije se odmah uplasio, jer je jos dok je bio beba bio ljubimac posetilaca. Medjutim, kada je shvatio da je bez svoje saglasnosti prikacen za Ronalda, uspanicio se i poceo da juri naokolo, zaejedno sa svojim slucajnim saputnikom.
     "Sali se nije osecala najbolje," izjavio je cuvar Dzejms Daglas. "Imala je zatvor i upravo smo joj dali laksativ kada je Amerikanac napravio nezreli nestasluk."
     Prilikom trke, Sali je srusila dva zida od koliba i unistla dve ograde, pri cemu su se neke sitne zivotinje razbezale na sve strane. Tri koze i jedna patka su pregazene. Tokom stampeda i potonjeg hvatanja, Sali je pocela da oseca dejstvo laksativa, zasipajuci Ronalda sa preko 100 litara proliva od nosoroga. Bio je potreban citav tim lekara i cuvara vrta da odvoji Ronaldove sake od Saline zadnjice. "Bilo je veoma nezgodno. Morali smo da je smirimo i ujedno da stitimo lica od pljuska balege. Moglo bi se reci da je Ronald bio u tome do grla."
     Kada su je smirili, troje ljudi je Ronaldu moralo lopatama da obezbedjuje vazduh. "Konacno smo uspeli da je smirimo i da upotrebimo rastvor da bismo odvojili njegove sake od njene zadnjice", rekao je Daglac. "Mislim da se neko vreme nece igrati sa super-lepkom."
     U medjuvremenu, zabavljeni Rusi bili su impresionirani snagom lepka. "Kupicu ovo za moju decu, ali, naravno, nece smeti da ga nose u zooloski vrt.", prokomentarisao je Vladimir Zolnjikov, vodja grupe.
     Ronald nije umor, niti je bilo neke ozbiljnije povrede, ali moze da se kvalifikuje za Darvinovu nagradu ako verujmo da niko nece hteti da izadje na sastanak sa covekom koji smrdi na balegu nosoroga...

Izvor: Darvinove nagrade
   

evo od mene ...

Uglavnom ljudi su otisli na jamajuiku na odmor i tamo su ih za jedan dan dok su bili na plazi pokrali ostali su samo cetkice za zube i fotoaparat i sta ce ljudi pozvali neke agencije i vratili se u englesku kad su izradili slike sa letovanja videli su crne guzice kako se cackaju sa njihovim cetkicama,,   

Misteriozne smrti u šok sobi

Kejptaun, Južna Afrika

U jednoj sobi za intenzivnu negu lokalne bolnice pacijenti su umirali posle prve noći. Niko nije znao zbog čega ali, da bi izbegli svaki rizik, zaposleni su detaljno proverili sve aparate za održavanje života, izvršili temeljnu dezinfekciju, proverili klima-uređaje i sklonili sav drveni nameštaj za slučaj da je neki nepoznati virus ušao u drvo. Uprkos merama predostrožnosti, ni sledeći pacijent nije preživeo.

Uprava je posumnjala u ljudski faktor, pa su postavili kamere. I zaista, već idućeg jutra videli su revnnosnu čistačicu kako sa usisivačem ulazi u sobu. Znajući da u sobi postoji samo jedan utikač za struju starija gospođa je, ništa ne sumnjajući, izvukla iz njega uređaje za održavanje života, uključila usisivač, odradila svoj posao i sve vratila onako kako je zatekla...

Izvor: Darvinove nagrade

Bizzare death

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS, President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:

On March 23,1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to that effect, indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window which killed him instantly.

Neither the shooter nor the descender was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

"Ordinarily," Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide."

That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands. The room on the ninth floor, whence the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. Thed old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son had actually murdered himself so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

Raccoon Rocket

(1998) In rural Carbon County, Pennsylvania, a group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned by Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim. Despite an estimated 35 shots fired by the group, the animal escaped into a 3' diameter drainage pipe 100 feet away from Mr. Michaels' deck.

Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire five-gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to light it again, to no avail.

Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mr. Michaels proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss the match. The subsequent rapidly-expanding fireball propelled Mr. Michaels back the way he had come, though at a much higher rate of speed. He exited the angled pipe "like a Polaris missile leaves a submarine," according to witness Joseph McFadden, 31.

Mr. Michaels was launched directly over his own home, right over the heads of his astonished friends, onto his front lawn. In all, he traveled over 200 feet through the air. "There was a Doppler Effect to his scream as he flew over us," McFadden reported, "followed by a loud thud." Amazingly, he suffered only minor injuries.

"It was actually pretty cool," Michaels said, "Like when they shoot someone out of a cannon at the circus. I'd do it again if I was sure I wouldn't get hurt."

 

Gerbil Rocket

(1997 - 1998) "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.

"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

 At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman desribed what happened next.

"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.
 

Sudenje u Sremskoj Mitrovici... Covek je vilama ubo sinovu zenu. Sudija ispituje snaju:

- Dakle, sta se tada desilo?

- Tada me je on opizdio vilama.

- Gospodjo, nadjite neki pristojniji izraz, ovo ne moze da udje u zapisnik.

- Sta ja znam, mi nemamo drugi naziv za vile.




Domaci zadatak prvaka u jednoj osnovnoj skoli u Uzicu, na temu "Crvenkapa".

- ...Posla Crvenkapa u sumu i zavrljala. Vrljala ona tako vrljala i trevi je vuk. Pita nju vuk: "Kud si posla 'vuda, majku ti krvavu jebem..."

Nakon pregleda domacih zadataka uciteljica pita djaka da li je sam to uradio ili mu je neko pomagao; a djak kaze da mu je tata pomagao.



3. jun 1999. Nad Novim Sadom oko 10:30 AM na nebu se jasno vide cetiri bela traga od NATO aviona. Prethodno se culo nekoliko detonacija. Na cosku se skupili ljudi iz ulice. Dolazi neki Ranko i vice deda Danilu:

- Je l' bilo stogod nocas, deda Dane?

- Nije nista.

- Ma ne pitam te za "ono", nego za bombardovanje...



Ratni dani, maj 1999. Jedna baba iz komsiluka kaze:

- Joj meni, ono ranije, kad zagrme odozgo ne mogu oka sklopiti. Sad uzmem tabletu i ne cujem ih nocu...

- Kakve su ti to tablete, da das i meni jednu - ubaci se drugi komsija.

- Ma imam svakakve, i od tri i od pet i od deset milimetara, pa biraj brate mili...



Na ispitu iz anatomije na Medicinskom fakultetu u Beogradu jedna devojka je dobila "penis" kao ispitno pitanje:

- Penis je muski polni organ u cijoj se sredini nalazi koska. Dugacak je trideset santimetara... itd.

Profesor, posto je devojka zavrsila svoj odgovor:

- Koleginice, niste lose znali..., ali za onu kosku, to Vam se ucinilo, a za onih trideset santimetara, to ste imali srece...



Tri tipa sede u basti jednog kafica i pricaju viceve o policajcima. Cuo to pajkan, pa im pridje:

- Sta je momci? Zabavljate se?

- Ma nista, cavrljamo.

- Isprave molim... Ko je od vas Dejan Komlenic?

- Ja.

- Aha. A ko je Dejan Pavlovic?

- Ja.

- Dobro, a Dejan Misic?

- Ja.

- Hm, vidi tri Dejana! Jeste li vi braca?

Cow Bomb

(California) A dairy worker who heard that bovine flatulence was largely composed of methane, and potentially explosive, decided to apply the scientific method to the theory. While one of his contented cow charges was hooked up to the milking machine, he waited for the slight tail lift which dairy workers know signals an impending expulsion, generally something to avoid. Our hero struck a match. His satisfaction at seeing the resulting foot-long blue flame lasted mere seconds, before the flame was subsumed by a rectal contraction. The poor Holstein exploded, killing the worker who was struck by a flying femur bone. 

Jedna od mojih omiljenijih

Misadventure at the Metallica Concert

(1996) Police in George, WA issued a report on the events leading up to the deaths of Robert Uhlenake, 24, and his friend, Ormond D. Young, 27, at a Friday night Metallica concert.

Uhlenake and Young were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Uhlenake was in pickup that was on top of Young at the bottom of a 20-ft drop. Young was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He also had been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the ground, adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained scene.

According to Commissioner-In-Charge Inoye Appleton, Uhlenake and Young had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert. When they were unable to get any tickets, the two decided to stay in the parking lot and drink. Once the show began, and after the two had consumed 18 beers between the them, they hit upon the idea of scaling the 7-foot wooden security fence around the perimeter of the site and sneak in.

They apparently moved the truck up to the edge of the fence and decided that Young would go over first and assist Uhlenake. They did not count on the fact that, while it was a 7-foot fence on the parking lot side, there was a 23-foot drop on the other side.

Young, who weighed 255 lbs. and was quite inebriated, jumped up and over the fence and promptly fell about half the distance before a large tree branch broke his fall and his left forearm. He also managed to get his shorts caught on the branch. Since he was now in great pain and had no way to extricate himself and his shorts from the tree, he decided to cut his shorts off and fall to the bushes below.
 
 As soon as he cut the last bit of fabric holding him on the branch, he suddenly plummeted the rest of the way down, losing his grip on the knife. The bushes he had depended on to break his fall were actually holly bushes, and landing in them caused a massive number of cuts. He also had the misfortune of landing squarely on a holly bush branch, effectively impaling himself. The knife, which he had accidentally released 15 feet up, now landed and stabbed him in his left thigh. He was in tremendous pain.
Enter his friend Robert Uhlenake.

Uhlenake had observed the series of tumbles and realized that Young was in trouble. He hit upon the idea of lowering a rope to his friend and pulling him up and over the fence. This was complicated by the fact that Uhlenake was outweighed by his friend by a good 100 lbs. Happily, despite his drunken state, he realized he could use their truck to pull Young out. Unfortunately, because of his drunken state, Uhlenake put the truck in reverse rather than into drive. He broke through the fence and landed on Young, killing him. Uhlenake was thrown from the truck and subsequently died of internal injuries.

"So that's how a dead 255 lb. man with no pants on, with a truck on top of him and a stick up his ass, came to be" said Commissioner Appleton.

Urban Legend Status conferred 31 Dec 97: Declared an urban legend by on the following grounds: Intensive searching of online Washington State newspapers failed to produce validation. The statement attributed to the Commissioner is obviously bogus, as police do not make light of deadly shenanigans and never use the word ass to describe the rectum. And the editor of another Darwin Awards page, officialDarwinAwards.com, actually contacted the Washington State sheriff's office, which disclaimed knowledge of this story.
 

jaooo ... ovo zadnje