Norwegians Invade Russia

Written by Gnarly Erik
Story written: 02 November 2006



In a lightning attack called a 'Norwegian Wind', Norway mounted a major attack on other European powers overnight. Jokingly called a 'Fart's Krieg' by some, the Norwegian attack was no joke to those on the receiving end of things.

The Norwegians quickly overran Sweden and Finland and by mid-afternoon their highly mechanized troops were rolling into Red Square in Moscow crushing all defenders. All three invaded countries quickly sued for peace.

The defenders were no match for the weapons employed by the Norwegians. Making maximum use of their new technologies the Norwegian onslaught caught everyone by surprise and quickly overran the defenses. By nightfall panicked defenders were fleeing in disarray. Happy & thoroughly drunk Norwegian troops were having their way with all the women in an orgy of rape and pillage. Russian President Vladimir Putin and his family were flown to Japan for their personal safety as the Russian Parliament met in special emergency session. Many other European countries were mobilizing defense forces as quickly as possible.

Weapons experts say the Norwegians obviously have been secretly working on their new weapons for a number of years. "We never imagined the Norwegian weapons were so technologically advanced. They've obviously just been itching for a chance to use them on someone.'' one expert noted.

Numerous attacks by the Norwegian's new stealth bomber fleets were especially effective and created panic and confusion among the defenders.

On a nationally televised broadcast, a triumphant Norwegian King Harald V read a message to his countrymen late today to inform them of the preemptive strikes and subsequent surrenders of Sweden, Finland and Russia. He said the attack was impelled by concerns their neighbors, particularly the Swedes, were on a crash program to develop weapons of mass destruction. He said while they were at it, the Norwegians decided to go ahead and take care of the Finns and Russians too.

"Mission Accomplished!" exclaimed the beaming and exhultant king on the national TV hookup.

"Let the boys have their fun for a while to get it out of their systems." he said, referring to reports of drunken rape and pillage. "They deserve it. Besides, it's been about a thousand years since we Norwegians improved their blood lines over there. They needed it."

''Although we have no direct proof as such of weapons of mass destruction,'' said King Harald. ''We have every reason to believe they exist. Secret sources in Somalia and the Sudan have verified the reports, and a Romanian Gypsy has seen them with his very own eyes. That's all the proof we need.''

"We shall take no chances with our national security.'' said the King. "Let all our enemies or potential enemies be hereby warned.''

An obviously nervous & disturbed US President George Bush also went on the air late this evening to reassure his country that Norway was no threat to the US. He was accompanied by presidential advisor Karl Rove who gently held his hand out of sight behind the podium.

''We will resist any invasion.'' said Bush in a quavering voice. ''We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender. . .''

A reporter asked Mr. Bush if that wasn't the quote first made famous by Britain's Winston Churchill when his country was under threat of attack by Nazi Germany. The President replied, ''Nope. Absolutely not. Just made that up myself. Hope you can use it! I read books you know.''

All American forces not already deployed in Iraq or Afghanistan were put on full alert. Besides the desk pilots in the Pentagon, homeland defense forces available now on US soil consist of 30 pentagon drivers and 16 cooks. If needed, said Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said we can always utilize military hospital patients in any invasion or real emergency.

''Even the ones in wheel chairs can probably still shoot.'' he said. "But, we probably can't count much on those in traction or those with brain injuries."

Izvor: BBC

Hussein to Suffer Fate Worse than Death

Written by Mark Lowton
Story written: 06 November 2006



In a change to the original decision made at the trial into his atrocities and war-crimes, the former Iraqi dictator, Saddam Hussein, may now be made to face a fate worse than death.

The Judge's original decision that Hussein should face death by hanging has been altered following worldwide criticism that this may give him a status of martyrdom.

Working in conjunction with McDonalds, the Iraq government will be opening the first McDonalds outlet chain in Baghdad since Hussein's arrest. As his new sentence, Hussein shall be made to live out his life, working 12 hour shifts in the store, building Big Macs, frying fries, and making milkshakes.

The outlet will be the most secure McDonalds in existence and is to be fitted with bullet proof sneeze-guards and armed guards on the drive-thru windows.

Hussein will be joined by other hardened criminals from Baghdad's overcrowded prisons as an alternative to solitary confinement. It is reported that following this news, trouble in Baghdad's prison is down by over 50%.


Izvor: BBC